Yellow Cupboards
by angelbreaker
Summary: Edward is gone, and a night with Jacob makes Bella realise that she's turning into Charlie, waiting for the love of her life to come back, afraid to change anything. She needs to make a change. But which future will see choose? J/B E/B some Ja/A. safety M
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay I promised I wasn't going to do this, but this story was so tantalising to write. So here, I'll post the first few chapters now and the rest when I've gotten some good feedback ;).**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Full Summary: A night with Jacob makes Bella realise that she all her efforts not to turn into Renee, she seemed to have turned into Charlie. She was stuck in Forks, not being able to leave the place that her love had blossomed, living in memories. She had to make a choice, right now. But what will she choose? Set in New Moon. J/B E/B with some Jas/A.**

"Bella, I make a resolve with myself not to say anything to you about this, but I just can't hold it in anymore." Jacob told her, standing and turning around. He was positively huge. "He wasn't good enough for you, he's not even human! Where did you seriously see your relationship going?"

"Jacob, don't." Bella mumbled, flushing red and staring at the floor.

"No!" Jacob growled. "I watched you with him. I saw you together and it was just stupid! Think about twenty years from now, and you're pushing forty and he's still seventeen! You think that would have worked?"

"Jacob." Bella said, a little more sternly, putting her hand on his chest.

"No Bella, you have to hear this, it isn't fair." He took her hand in his. "There are other people in this world, people who are so much better for you, people who will grow old with you, have children with you, and walk in the sunlight down the street with you." He was getting angrier and angrier as he talked, and Bella began to get a little scared.

"Jacob, stop!" Bella told him. "Just stop!"

"No!" Jacob roared, and grabbed her, pushing her up against the wall. Bella should have been terrified, but he was holding her very gently and his expression was melting with love. "I've watched you all through your relationship with _him_ and I've watched you since he left and I can't handle it anymore! I won't let you hurt for another second!"

Jacob's body was so warm against hers, his hands were oddly soft. Her breathing got deeper as she tried to arrange her thoughts. He was gone, they all were, and they'd left her with nothing. No back up plan to save her feelings, nothing to help her through this time. Jacob had been there for her, everyday in the last few weeks, carefully picking up the pieces of her and putting them back into place. Everything had gotten better when he had come back into her life, quietly being there, not always checking her for more zombie days, not constantly worrying about her safety. She'd been trapped in her own misery and he had set her free. By rights she was his, she belonged to him, he'd fashioned her out of a pile of old junk and made her a human again.

But he deserved more than her. He deserved so much more than a girl that had been so scarred by another man. He would never be more than a crutch to her pain, a plaster for her broken heart. If she let this happen, she knew she would love him, even in the future marry him, but all he would be getting is a half-wife. Her love for him would be linked to her absolute overriding love for Edward, and he didn't deserve that. He deserved a woman that shined as bright as he did.

Jacob seemed to know what she was thinking, as usual.

"Don't you dare even think about it Bella." He told her. "You know that it makes no difference to me. I love you so much, Bella, all I want is you to be with me. All I want is to keep you safe and happy and alive. You know it makes sense, we're so good together and I won't live my life seeing you so broken any more." He stroked her hair with his hand, and his breath was hot on her neck. She was feeling weak, and more susceptible to him, she was leaning towards him like a flower in the sun. "Just trust me and I'll be your everything. You will never be miserable again."

Bella was rearranging her thoughts again, trying to find the ways to tell him no. She owed him everything, but her heart would always belong to an unchanging, bronze haired boy that was god knows where, doing god knows what! The thought made her angry, and why should she wait around for him? She was so concerned with not becoming her mother that she had inadvertently become her father. Stuck in Forks, miserable but unable to leave because the memories of better times were just too alluring. Like if she left then it would have never happened and she couldn't bear it. Keeping things exactly the same to cling onto the feeling that was destroying her. Yellow cupboards that were fading but held too many memories to repaint. She understood now why her father was so concerned about her, because he'd been through it and was still going through it almost twenty years later! That was why he'd been so keen for her to be with Jacob, because he knew what the future had in store for Bella if she didn't let go. He was never coming back and Jacob was here and in love with her. The thought made her lean forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder, warmth spreading through her mind. Nothing was ever complicated around Jacob, he'd done nothing to make her cry.

"I'll always be here, I'll never leave you." He whispered in her ear, and that decided her. She looked up and kissed him, pressing her lips to his. He returned the kiss forcibly, in excitement forgetting his strength. Suddenly she was in his arms, he'd bundled her up and she was surrounded by his warmth, and she was marvelling at his passion, his kiss made her heart expand, and she ran her fingers through his hair. He moaned a little and began to walk, taking her into the house. Their hearts were beating madly together. For once, Bella's head was truly clear of her pain, she knew that she wouldn't even be able to remember why she was upset if someone asked her.

Billy wasn't in, so there was no one to complain or even comment when Jacob practically destroyed the door to give them entry to his house. He laid Bella carefully on the sofa and knelt next to her, stroking her hair. When he smiled, his teeth bright against his tan skin, she smiled back warmly, as he searched her eyes, he stroked her hair carefully, searching for any emotion that told him to stop. There were none. In that moment Bella had given herself over to him, to repair her and have her, just like the motorcycles. She given him the piece of her heart that wasn't broken: that little piece that she realised now was forever meant for him. That one little piece that held fast when the others had shattered around it.

"I love you Bella Swan." He told her. "Nothing will ever touch you again, for the rest of your life you will have nothing but happiness." He kissed her hair. "Your pain will fade, and I'll be there to share your days, your life, for the rest of our lives."

Bella smiled, not trusting herself to talk, and leaned over to kiss him again. He returned it eagerly, like he didn't believe his luck, and crawled next to her onto the sofa. There wasn't enough room on the sofa with Jacob's massive form, so Bella hopped off, and went to stand in the middle of the room, smiling and looking at him from a distance. His was really handsome, his face had filled out and become manly in such a short amount of time, and his body was covered in tight muscles. He was grinning her favourite grin and she watched as his eyes roved over her, taking in this girl that was now his.

She nodded towards the bedroom, her heart beating fast, and smiled at him. His grin faded a little bit, replaced by a look of excitement mixed with a twinge of fear.

"Are you sure, Bella? I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do, I'm not expecting anything." He told her, but she could hear clear as day the desire and longing in his voice that he could hardly hide.

"I want you to have the part of me that he could never have." She told him firmly.

Jacob needed no more encouragement. He was across the room in one step, kissing her tenderly as he picked her arm and carried her into his room. He carefully put her down on his bed, and their eyes met. They held for a second and then collapsed into giggles. Jacob's breath was shaky from nerves and desire, as he sat down next to her. "I can't tell you the amount of times I've wished for this to happen. I can hardly believe it's true." He admitted

She sat up and took his hands in her own. Their eyes met again but this time they weren't laughing. He lay down next to her and kissed her mouth, her forehead, her arms, and then pressed his face into her stomach.

"Oh Bella." He moaned into the soft skin. "Bella I love you so much."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Please review. I'd like to know what you think, it seriously affect the continuation of the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the characters.**

Bella lay in his arms all night, smiling. Jacob was her sun, and he'd pushed all the clouds out of her life and now only uncomplicated sunlight and warmth pervaded her world. But the clouds were reforming now, coming back and shadowing this perfect life.

Two Bellas stood before her, like some sort of vision of the future. One had rosy cheeks and a huge grin, holding a child in each arm. This Bella had her whole family around her. She could see glimpses of this Bella's life. She lived on the reserve with her children, a boy and a girl, and Charlie came round everyday. He and Billy sat on his porch and watched the children running around barefoot; two content old men with their progeny running around in front of them. Jacob arrived in his car and jumped out, collecting his children in his arms and lifting them when they ran to him. He carried them up to the front door where Bella was standing waiting for him. He kissed her on the mouth and she took the younger child, the boy, into the house where she was cooking. It was a happy home, and the dinner was pleasant, afterwards, as the children went to sleep and the men went to sprawl out in front of the television, Bella went to do the dishes and tidy up the house. As she got to do the menial task, she sighed, looked at the ring on her finger and stared out of the window wistfully, and the present Bella knew what she was thinking about. There was such a look of regret and longing on her face that broke Bella's heart once again. Jacob sneaked up behind her, and grabbed her to him, kissing her on the cheek. In that moment, her revelling was broken and she turned to him, kissing him fully, happiness radiating through her, and the image faded as she threw a dish towel at Jacob who helped her to put the dishes away. That moment of reflection was not lost on Bella, lying there in Jacob's arms, and she sighed.

The other Bella was mesmerising. She was strong and pale and utterly beautiful, like an ice queen. Happy did not seem like a strong enough word for this woman's utter peace. She seemed to radiate peace and contentedness, and it was impossible not to see just how serene she was in who she was. Her life was spent wandering the world with the man that she loved so much that the emotion seemed to make up her very existence. Bella saw the two of them holding hands on top of a mountain, just looking out at the view. She saw Edward teasing her whilst Alice played with her hair, chatting about what dress she was going to put on her living doll today. She saw her and Edward dancing together under the stars in Paris, and he spun her into him and dipped her, kissing her. She saw them smiling and laughing together in a bedroom somewhere, throwing pillows at each other, he grabbed her and lifted her up, spinning her round and round really fast, and then throwing them both onto the bed, and kissing her passionately. Such a natural scene, two people who would have no cares and no worries and nothing to do but love each other forever and ever. The kiss very soon turned into something else, and she watched with a freshly broken heart her future self making love with the love of her life, the way they held each other, not needing to be careful about getting too close, too involved in the moment. They held each other like they were worried that forever wouldn't be long enough to love each other fully.

"_You are my life now." _ The velvet voice told her and on the image of his face burning with love for her, the image faded.

The strange apparitions wouldn't leave her, and these two futures stood in front of her. She now knew what it was like to be Alice. To know what path each decision was going to take the future, and she sighed again. She didn't want Jacob to have that future. She didn't want to stay here and take up his life with a wife that was always thinking about someone else. She didn't want to stay here and be filled with memories and regrets. She couldn't do that to him. She couldn't become her father for him.

She shut her eyes to the tears that were forming as she climbed out of the bed she'd shared with him. She looked down at him, her decision wavering a little. It had been so natural, just like everything else had been between them. They had laughed and talked for a long time after, enjoying each other's company, until desire had taken over them again, and they had gone to bed for the second time. She wished for a second that she'd never met those stupid vampires, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that if she didn't completely belong to Edward Cullen, they would have been happy together. She wouldn't let this perfect man have another man's leftovers.

Shaking, she sought a pad and a pen.

Jacob awoke, and the memories from the night before swept over him, making him moan with happiness. He lay very still for a second, just enjoying the moment. He was a man and he had the girl of his dreams, and he would never let her go. His forehead crinkled a little as he saw she wasn't with him. The sun was rising in the sky and he realised it was mid-morning, she must have gotten up. He resolved to start getting up earlier; he didn't want to miss waking up next to her every morning.

She wasn't in the living room, and as he walked into the kitchen, he saw Billy was reading the paper.

"Big night for you then, eh?" Billy asked him, winking.

"Where's Bella?" Jacob asked, ignoring his father's teasing. Billy's eyes clouded, and he nodded to a note that was propped up on the table.

"I didn't read it." Billy told him. "I don't need to know specific details. I'm just glad for the two of you. Even if it does mean I don't get a fully restful sleep."

Jacob blushed red. They had made quite a bit of noise last night, just revelling in each other. He resolved to check whether the bed was alright and reinforce it or something. He didn't know his own strength. Maybe he should get a bigger bed.

He looked at the note, and suddenly feelings of fear and panic started to wash over him. He picked it up, his heart hammering fast. The note had tear stains all over it, and was written in a very shaky hand.

_Oh Jacob_

_I'm sorry, so so sorry I have to do this to you._

_I can't let you have this life. You are my sun, but I just can't let go of the moon._

_You will always have that part of me; it belongs to you and only you._

_I have no regrets apart from the pain I know I have caused you._

_I wish that a lot of things could be different._

_I love you, don't look for me._

_Sorry_

_Bella_

"No!" Jacob roared, and ran out of the door, his wolf form bursting from the porch in his desperation to make it there on time.

_"You and Bella?" _ He heard Embry's impressed thoughts. He was obviously on patrol. _"Good going man, you've loved her for like ever." _He caught wind of Jacob's desperation, and the reason behind it. _"Oh shit."_

Jacob ignored him, solely concentrating on getting there on time. She would be there, he would convince her, she would stay with him. She had to; he wouldn't be able to exist without her. Their future was set in stone now; she wasn't getting out of it. She wasn't running from him back to that bloodsucker. She'd opened herself to him, they were perfect together.

He reached her house and turned back, naked but not caring, and still running. Her truck wasn't there. Jacob fell to his knees beat the ground in front of him.

Charlie came out of the house and came to stand by him, as the boy began to cry helplessly. Charlie crouched and hugged the boy, for the moment choosing not to see his state of undress.

"All I got was this note." Charlie told him, and Jacob looked up to see that Charlie had been crying too. He handed him the note and Jacob read it.

_Dad_

_I don't know how you can stand to live like this, in limbo, trying to forget the love of your life._

_I'm sorry, but I need more than this._

_Don't look for me._

_I love you._

_Bella_

_P.S. Please look after Jacob. Let him know I love him and I'll think about him everyday. Take care of each other. You'll get through this, but I just can't stay._

_P.P.S. Dad, try to forget Mom and move past her. We all just want you to be happy._

"Why don't you come in and I'll find you some clothes and ring your father." Charlie offered, and led the broken boy inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay so this story is pretty much all finished, and I'm giving you one more chapter on faith that you guys will review this chapter, because I'm vain and like feedback. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

Bella arrived in Seattle later that day. She didn't really know where she was going, but she knew that she'd have to pick a direction and travel in it fast. Jacob wasn't going to give up that quickly, she knew, and she didn't want to have to cause him new pain. Better if she just disappeared altogether.

She felt bad for the note that she left Charlie, but she wanted him to start fresh, no reminders of that lost love and that included her too. It was too late for him to get Renee back, but Bella wasn't going to make the same mistakes.

She bought a map of America and a coke, and sat in the cab of her truck and inspected it, slurping on the coke. The truck wasn't going to get very far fast, but she was planning to settle somewhere for a while and pick up a job and a better car. As much as she loved her car, the Cullens could be anywhere and she had a long journey to find her love and convince him that he was being an idiot and that of course they were meant to be together. No matter what, that night in Paris was going to happen.

Where were they most likely to be? The impossibility of her task would not get her down. She would search for them for the rest of her life if she needed to. She could rule out anywhere sunny, they needed cloud cover to live their lives so places like Phoenix or Florida just weren't going to happen. Bella was glad about that, because she wanted to go nowhere near somewhere she might run into Renee. She'd already sent her and Phil a letter telling them that she loved them and not to look for her. She was completely free to roam.

She decided to go East, following the Canadian border. She'd always wanted to go to New York anyway, and that was the way to get there, sort of. Northern states were more likely than southern sunny states anyway. Satisfied with her choice, she put the map away, and started to drive.

It took several weeks to go through Montana and North Dakota. She'd stopped at every town and village that she'd gone through, checking in at every high school and hospital, asking people if they'd seen the family she was searching for. She didn't have any pictures of them, but it wasn't hard to describe them, and she knew that if anyone had seen them, they would have remembered. No one had seen them. It was demoralising but Bella refused to give up. She hit water at Minnesota and followed it south, another two week journey, stopping everywhere, trying to find anyone who has seen her friends.

In Minneapolis she got her first bite. A guy there had seen a beautiful blonde girl in his shop about a month back. She was stunning, but proper stuck up. Her friend was nicer though, short and pretty, but he liked his girls tall and blonde and _boy _was this girl up his street. He'd always remembered their eyes, and just put it down to some sort of drug. The other girl seemed a little bummed when they were looking at dresses, kept picking out dresses she said would have looked great on some other girl, and about how her brother would have freaked if he saw it. She moaned and complained about wanting to go back to Washington The blonde didn't seem impressed, kind of got annoyed at her and they left without buying anything.

Her heart expanding, Bella thanked him for his help and walked back to the truck in a daze. Alice and Rosalie. No mistaking that description. They'd been here a month ago, did that mean they were still close by? Her heart sang at the thought of Alice still thinking about her. That must have been what the guy was talking about; Alice was picking out dresses for her? Oh, she needed to see her friend so badly now, but she didn't know where to go now.

Chicago was the next big stop she'd planned. Her resources were getting a little low and she needed to pick up some employment to boost her expensive gas habit. Should she look around here some more? It was feasible that they were staying somewhere close, but it was just as possible that Rosalie and Alice were just stopping in to do some shopping on their way somewhere else. Somewhere very, very far away. Not for the first time, she wished she'd asked them about where they'd been before Forks, whether they stuck to small towns or sometimes went into the Big City.

She checked out all the hospitals and the schools, no sign. They weren't here then. She cursed, but still with a lighter heart. Alice missed her.

_Not for long, Alice. _ Bella promised her.

The truck gave out in Chicago. It just died. Bella cursed her luck, but at the same time realised she was lucky to have made it this far. She was now on zero money and seriously needed to stop somewhere for a while. It's not like Edward was getting any older, and when she found him she would stop aging as well, even if she has to force his teeth through her skin herself.

The first few nights she slept in her truck, not heeding the dangers of doing that. She got a job as a waitress at a restaurant on day three. The owner, Carlos was nice and paid her in cash, which was needed as she knew that her police chief father would have traces on her bank account by now. Carlos let her sleep in the back room after hours and let her eat the leftovers from the meal time sessions. He became a bit like an older brother figure for her, although thoughts like that brought back thoughts of Emmett which hurt her, reminding her of all the things she had lost. It didn't matter, though. She was going to get it back, all of it.

One of the waitresses, a tall blonde girl named Dina became a firm friend with Bella after a few weeks. Her flatmate was moving out to get married, and she offered Bella the room. Gratefully, Bella accepted.

"This is going to be so much fun." Dina said, clapping her hands together. Bella smiled. The flat wasn't much, the rooms were small and dingy but at least there was a bed. She'd not told anyone much about her past and when anyone asked her where she was from she just answered Seattle, and no one really bothered to get more out of her. It was so different from the small town of Forks where people wanted to know everything. Here, it just simply wasn't important.

"We've got to get groceries in after our shift tonight." Dina told her, about a week after Bella moved in. "There's nothing to eat in the flat."

"Okay." Bella said.

Grocery shopping was the same everywhere, and Bella threw herself into the task. She and Dina picked out what meals they were going to have, and Dina through loads of snacks into the basket. The girl never stopped eating but never gained a pound. She chattered to Bella about some gossip of friends that Bella hardly knew, and they entered the shampoo isle.

"Which one do you like?" Dina asked.

"I like this one, it makes my hair smell like strawberries." Bella replied, and so they chose that one. They passed the tampon section, and Bella almost dropped her basket.

"What's the matter, honey?" Dina asked, whilst Bella frantically tried to count back. "Seriously you're scaring me." She looked at the tampons. "You run out? What brand do you like? I'll buy you some if you haven't got the money."

"Eight." Bella said, her voice panicked. "Eight weeks since my last…" her horrified look met with Dina's whose jaw dropped.

"You mean you…" She pointed at her.

"I think I'm pregnant." Bella said.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I've made this an M for adult themes. People someone, just Review! Thank you for all the Story Alerts and Favourites.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

"Well, there it is." Bella said, throwing the test on the bed where Dina was waiting. How could she be so careless? Renee had been giving her the sex talk since she was old enough to know what it was. In all the excitement…in her decision, she'd forgotten about all of that. She was two months pregnant and she didn't even notice. She marvelled at the fact that she didn't know, she didn't really feel any different.

"Oh honey." Dina wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so sorry." Tears formed in Bella's eyes, as her visions of the future shattered. She was going to be a mother. A single mother. "Do we know who the father is?"

"Yeah." Bella mumbled, reddening. She and Jacob had _really _indulged that night, more than once, and she could see just how she got pregnant. She'd tried hard not to think about it, she'd already resolved that Edward would know nothing of that night and who was going to tell him? Her thoughts were blocked from him and she wasn't planning on seeing Jacob ever again. "But he can never know." She couldn't go back to Jacob now. She'd made her decision. Her life's plan seemed idiotic now, though. To go running around the world looking for _vampires? _To find some perfect love and life that she wasn't even sure would happen? It would never happen now. There would be no way of hiding what she did from Edward now, and she couldn't expect him to raise Jacob's baby. She couldn't go on and she couldn't go home. She was stuck.

"Well." Dina smiled. "I have to tell you I wasn't expecting this."

"Neither was I!" Bella's eyes welled up, and her anger and fear and shock spilled out of her eyes all at once. "Look…" She took a deep breath, feeling the need to confide in this girl, feeling the need for a friend. "I know who the father is, he's my best friend." She sniffed. "At least he was, but there's another guy, my ex." She shuddered at that term, it just didn't come close to describing him and the way she felt about him. "He was a little dangerous" she admitted "but I loved him, and I thought he loved me, I _know _he loved me." She corrected quickly, knowing that if she didn't believe that then all would be lost. "I can't even tell you the things we went to, how much he completely filled up my entire life."

"First love." Dina listened with a sympathetic expression on her face, and it irked Bella a bit, because it was so much more than that. How was Dina to know, though? "He left you then, did he?" She nodded.

"Yes." Bella told her tearfully. "He just up and left, no warning, and disappeared without a trace."

"Sweetie that's terrible."

"Yeah, I was comatose for months."

"And this other guy picked you right up didn't he?" Dina's eyebrow was raised. "I bet he was really helpful to you in your vulnerable state. Honey, how can you say he's your best friend if he used you?"

"It wasn't like that." Bella told her. "We've known each other forever, and he loves me." She coloured. "If it was anyway it was me using him, although I didn't realise it. I was just so sick of waiting around, wishing for the core of my existence to return to me, knowing he never will, knowing there was a good chance he never loved me." She bit her lip. "I wanted to try and get him out of my system, to wash myself of him."

"By letting another guy into your system." Dina raised her eyebrow again.

"Yeah but it didn't work." Bella got up on her knees, all of a sudden eager to share her plan. "I was so ready to stay with him, after that night, but I couldn't get my ex out of my head. There was nothing for it, I had to find him, I know that if I just find him I can convince him that we're meant to be."

"Hmm." Was all Dina said. "Are you sure? What if he's with some other girl, pulling the same trick he pulled on you?"

"He's not, believe me." The statement sounded so sure…but Bella's stomach twisted. She didn't know what Edward was doing, what if he was with some other girl? No, she was being silly. "It hardly matters now, he won't take me back like this."

"Yeah, the players usually don't take damaged, thrown away goods." Dina told her. Bella realised that maybe it wasn't a good idea, she couldn't explain to Dina the whole story.

"No, it's not like that, I promise…you see, well, let's just say him and the father don't get on very well." She bit her lip.

"So? He doesn't have to know who the father is." Dina shrugged, and Bella couldn't help but admire this girl's attitude.

"Oh, he'll know." Bella allowed herself a little laugh. "There will be a little…colour issue."

"So?" Dina countered. "That doesn't mean it was him. Your boyfriend a racist or something?"

"No, it's just I lived in a very small town, and, well, they kind of set each other up as rivals." Bella grimaced at the memory. "So now I'm alone, with a kind on the way and I don't know what to do!"

"Oh, honey, you're not the first girl to get into a situation like this. We'll get through this together." Dina told her.

"You really mean it?" Relief flashed through Bella, as she realised that she depended on this girl, who she was just going to up and leave in a few months anyway. She re-evaluated Dina. She was pretty, and she wore a lot of makeup. She was in her mid twenties and she came from a big family in another part of town, and it seemed everyday that one of her cousins was popping out a kid. The waitress thing was just until her acting career took off, though, she always said. "You'll really help me?"

"Of course. That baby is going to be spoilt rotten by their auntie Dina." Bella tried to picture it. She'd come here to find her vampire boyfriend, and ended up pregnant with a werewolf's baby and planning to raise it with a Chicago born actress/waitress. The ridiculousness of it washed over and she began to laugh.

"Quit that. You need your rest." Dina ushered her out of her room. "You go and lie down and I'll cook you up some meat."

That night Bella lay awake thinking about the future. How she wished that her future Bellas would turn up and help her make the decision. Only the promise of Edward was flashed tantalizingly, torturously, in front of her eyes. The tender way they had made love, the way that he'd held her.

_"You are my life now." _ Those words, those precious words, floating around her room. She couldn't do it. She couldn't give up her perfect life for a bunch of cells in her stomach. The Jacob future flashed again, the boy and the girl and that look out the window. No, she couldn't do it again, she couldn't give up on Edward. She collected up all of her stuff, and her wages, and left Dina a note to find in the morning.

The next morning was an overcast, foggy day, which saw Bella standing outside an abortion clinic, her whole wage packet in her hand. All she had to do was walk in there and in a few hours it would all be done, and then she can disappear, another thing that would never be mentioned ever again. No one in her life now knew about it, and no one would ever know. Who was she to think about religious beliefs on her journey to become an abomination? She couldn't even feel the damn thing. Why should she let it ruin her whole life? She would live forever, why should she fear hell? She had to do it. It was this or lose Edward forever.

She walked right up towards the door, and it opened. A girl with reddened eyes came out, and they stared at each other for a second, until the girl dropped her gaze and walked brokenly down the road all by herself. Bella watched her go, the way she held her body, the way she hung her head. Her footsteps echoed on the street.

Sighing, she turned away from the clinic and disappeared back into the anonymity of the city.

Edward ran elated, back to the place where the very centre of his existence laid. He knew that he hurt her, he knew he kept making mistakes and messing everything up, but no longer. Bella was his world, his love his everything and he would spend the rest of her life making it up to her, surrounding her with his love, with everything he had. She would never trip, never even stumble because he would be there holding her. He was still a long way from Forks, but he couldn't use his car, he was too wired. He just decided: the answer just snapped in his head and it was like there was a homing beacon in his head, leading him back to the place he should have never left.

The wind rushed through his hair as he jumped rivers, and ran through fields and woods, avoiding towns was not hard in this area. He would get on his knees and beg her to take him back, he would grovel at her feet, he would send her flowers and gifts, he'd get her a new car - that truck must have died by now. He could picture it all; he could picture her face when he turned up at school, as he judged that where she would be when he got back. He would burst into whatever classroom she was in and get on his knees in front of the whole class. He'd ask her to marry him right there and then, and if she said yes he would pick her up and run her all the way to Vegas, and she'd be Mrs. Edward Cullen by the end of the week.

"I'm coming Bella!" Edward shouted into the wind as he jumped into a huge reservoir and swam joyfully to the other side, truly flying back to the place he'd left his heart.

**A/N: We all knew he was going to come back eventually...if you want to know what happens then REVIEW! Tell me what you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay, this chapter seems a little Anti-Jacob. And it is, sort of. But that's not my opinion. I like Jacob. But Edward doesn't, and it's from Edward's perspective. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or any of the characters. **

"What do you mean she's gone?" Edward shouted, slamming Jacob against a wall again in frustration. "Did you not even think to look for her?"

"Look _leech _you aren't the only one who has feelings for her." Jacob told him. "I searched the whole country through, and I never even found a whiff of her, she's gone."

"When?" Edward growled at him, considering just ripping his head off and being done with. Charlie had been downright hostile to Edward when he'd come to call when Bella hadn't been at school. He'd picked from his thoughts where Bella had spent her last night in Forks, and that fact didn't really put Edward in the best mood with Jacob right now. Especially since Charlie seemed to gloat about it, even though his thoughts were overshadowed by the grief of losing his daughter. He'd waited until Jacob had come out of the reserve and caught up with him in town the night after he got back to Forks.

"She left over six months ago." Jacob told him. "She's not coming back."

"What made her leave?" Jacob's thoughts were evasive, there was massive amounts of guilt there.

_God, he'd kill me if he knew. _ The words rang through Edward's head and rage filled him again. He grabbed Jacob and slammed him against the wall again, this time holding him there.

"I know you were the last one to see her. What happened?"

"Like I'm going to tell you." Jacob spat, but his thoughts already had. Jacob told him, told him everything, right down to the last detail. Edward dropped him and turned away, trying to block out the images that Jacob didn't seem to be able to stop, forcing Edward with him as he remembered that night. Oh God. Edward thought he might die from the pain of it. He wanted to rip himself apart and throw himself onto a fire. He dropped to his knees as the thoughts changed, again, a living room, a sofa, Bella's softened moaning, Jacob's aching desire for her, their passion, her taste. Anger won over pain and he grabbed Jacob again, slamming him against the wall again. "Why did you stop looking?" He screamed at him.

"Look, dude, I searched. I spent months scouring every lead to find her. I was going to drag her back here and make her stay. If I had had my way you'd find her married right about now." Another thought, Bella in his arms, being carried into a house. At least she was fully clothed in that thought. "But things happen; I can't help how I was made."

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"I _imprinted._" Jacob hissed at him, and nodded towards a girl that before now Edward had not even noticed. He glanced at her. She was in her mid-twenties he guessed, pretty if that's what you liked. "I searched I swear I did, but she's gone. It's what she wanted. I can't look for her now; I can't do anything for her."

Edward's face twitched. He wasn't sure what to do now, Jacob and Bella, he couldn't get rid of the vivid imagery and they were clouding his every thought. He wanted to kill Jacob where he stood, but he knew that was stupid. He'd left Bella to do what she wanted and boy did she do some…things that she wanted. Now she wa gone and this bastard had just let her go. Didn't he know the kind of trouble she's no doubt in about now? Jacob's girlfriend was still shocked from Edward's sudden appearance, and he thought he could hear her crying softly. Disgusted, he dropped Jacob, and started to walk away slowly.

"Dude." Jacob called after him. "She left looking for you." Edward's hand twitched and he turned back to Jacob, and looked at him. Then he punched Jacob with enough force to send the young wolf sprawling, and turned back away, running off whilst Jacob's girlfriend ran over to him and crouched by his side.

Bella struggled to get off the bus with all her bags. She was the size of a house. After she left Chicago she'd gotten on a bus and travelled to New York State, to settle in a little town just outside Binghamton. She'd kept a low profile, working in an office in one of the colleges of the big University that sprawled around the area. Some of the students she knew and they always asked her how her and the baby were getting on. She had friends again now, and she felt less anonymous, but I didn't stop the fact that everyday when she got up she panicked for a moment or two, having to calm herself down and tell herself that she could do it.

Everyone here thought her name was Lydia, the daughter from pride and prejudice that had run away on some foolish romance trip with a guy that didn't really love her. She thought it fit. She was now Lydia Raine, which was Dina's last name, and she didn't think her friend would mind her using it.

She pushed her way into the main door of her flats, and one of her neighbours, Johnny, helped her with her bags, which was a relief. She was tired without even the four flights of stairs up to her apartment. The elevator was broken.

"Thank you." She smiled at him.

"Anything you need, Lydie." He said. "You know me and Sophie are here for you, and you're little bundle of joy." He patted her stomach and she smiled, hugging him.

He helped her unpack the shopping, more and more baby stuff as the months went past. It was the due date in just under a month's time, and she was looking forward to it with a mixture of excitement, dread and relief. The room was all made up for her, the vision had been correct, it was a girl first, and there were clothes, some bought, a lot donated from people she lived and worked with. People were so generous around here, she was happy with this area to bring up her child. No random vampire attacks out here and _definitely _no werewolves, in fact there was not much crime at all in this little town. She sighed, thinking about Edward again, but those thoughts were banished when the baby kicked.

"I know, I know." Bella said, rubbing her belly. "Soon, my beautiful little baby girl. We'll meet soon."

It was two weeks until the due date, and Bella spent the day in Binghamton, picking up all the little things that she needed before the baby arrived. More nappies and formula for when she had to stop nursing. She picked up a pushchair, wondering how she forgot one of those. Heh, maybe the baby will be able to walk when it comes out. On all fours and covered in hair. She banished the thought. She already knew the baby was perfectly human. Her perfect little baby girl. Just as if on cue, the baby seemed to kick, but it hurt a little more than usual.

"Uh…ma'am?" The boy behind the counter looked at her, a little frightened.

"Yes?" Bella said. "What is it?"

"Well, um…" He flushed red.

"Sorry dear." An older lady customer walked up to her and touched her arm. "Your water just broke."

What? Panic started to spread through her body, and he looked down to see the dark patch that was spreading over her skirt.

"But, I'm not due for another two weeks!"

"It's fine. I've had three children and two of those were early, nothing wrong with them at all." The older woman told her gently. "I'll call an ambulance, you'll be fine. Is there…anyone you'd like me to call for you?"

"No." Bella started to cry, it was too soon, too sudden. "No, there's no one I'd like you to call."

"Alright dear." The woman nodded kindly. "I'll wait with you until they get here, shall I?"

"If you don't mind." Bella said, as they directed her to a chair.

Edward ran, up and down the country. He'd done two lengths now, going steadily east but he hadn't picked up anything yet. It had been almost two weeks since he left Forks, and he hadn't stopped searching for Bella since. This run was nothing like the one to Forks. He'd been happy, elated, racing towards his love, sure that everything would work out, that he and Bella could still have their happy ending. This run was more desperate. Bella wasn't in the safe place he'd left her, as usual she'd done exact opposite to the thing that any other normal human being would do and had disappeared off by herself, in search of a family and that _knows_ how to disappear without a trace. Surely she would have known there was no chance of her finding them? Especially in that death trap of a truck.

He'd left for her own safety, and yet here they were, he'd got her into trouble _again. _ Surely she knew he couldn't stay away from her? He was always going to come back, he'd realised that now. Now he had no idea where she was, and the trail had gone cold months ago. He wasn't a great tracker. His attempts with Victoria showed him that. What was she doing? Alice had no leads, and there was nothing to do but to run around aimlessly trying to find her, his nerves wouldn't even let him stop to pick up a car. He wouldn't stop. Every time he even slowed a bit, Jacob's thoughts came back to him, and he wished that his vampire mind would just let him _forget. _ But no such luck. He groaned, the memories coming to the fore, and sped up.

Bella was on stretcher in an unfamiliar hospital and cursed her luck. She'd hoped that she'd be at home to give birth. She'd sorted it out with the doctor and the mid-wife, but there was no chance of that now, no one would take her home. It was going to be a hospital birth, and she didn't even know the doctor that would be poking around…there. There was no time to be shy about that; she'd accepted a long time ago that her private parts were not private anymore, well until she'd gotten this little girl out of her.

She glanced at the doctor's on call timetable as she passed. She couldn't help it, it was a habit from the great Cullen search she'd given up. Her heart froze. There it was: the very thing she'd been looking for, right there. _Dr. Cullen. _

As if bidden, by the drama surrounding Bella, Carlisle walked out of an office in the corridor she was being rushed down. Their eyes met, and Carlisle looked positively shocked, standing very still as only a vampire could. His eyes only got bigger and bigger as he saw what was happening to her, but before she could say even a word to him, she was rushed through a door into the maternity ward.

**A/N: It wasn't THAT Anti-Jacob, although the first draft was. Please Review telling me if you like it or hate it! And read my other stories, because I've started working on them too! Woo!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Yeah, so Carlisle hasn't talked to Edward since Edward went to Forks, just to let you know. Oh, and Review please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the Characters.**

After the great rush there was a long wait, as they waited for her to become fully dilated. Her thoughts were filled with the sight of Carlisle. Even though she was there for hours, he never once came to see her, and that made her a little angry. Her temper was not helped by the fact that her contractions were getting closer and closer. About an hour since she was moved into the ward, where there were women in different stages of giving birth, an orderly came and moved her into a private room on the orders of a doctor. She was glad about that; she hated having to see all the loved ones dancing about. Fathers crooning over their newborns. New mothers smiling around at their families, who were telling them how well they'd done, how much they loved them. People kept looking over at her as well, a pregnant teenager who had no loved ones, and she was sure she heard one of the children running around ask her dad where her husband was, and she was quickly hushed. She shook her head and dislodged the memory, concentrating on rather more pressing issues.

Why hasn't Carlisle come and seen her? Had he told Edward she was here? Was he on his way? She had visions of Edward bursting in, his eyes full of shock, suspicion, hurt and betrayal and started panicking. Edward couldn't see her like this. She'd been planning on not seeing Edward again. She'd made the decision outside that abortion clinic six and a half months ago. It was unfair that the decision was being overridden now by a chance meeting, it was her life! She knew the minute Edward even got wind of this her element of choice would be eliminated. That was something that always annoyed her about the Cullens: just because they were all decades old they thought they knew best and were allowed to mess up her life anyway they could.

Plus, if she ever met up with Edward again, she really didn't want to go through that meeting with her legs in stirrups.

"You're blood pressure is a little high, sweetie." The mid-wife told her. "You need to calm down; did you learn any breathing exercises?"

"Yeah." Bella said.

"Good." The young doctor who was examining her told her. "Because you're all ready to go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Six hours. _Six hours. _Bella moaned, and lay back. It could have been worse. Some women are in labour for _days_. Now the baby was born, and had been taken away to be measured and checked over, they wanted to make sure that she was okay having been born a little early. The room was too quiet. She'd been told to sleep, that they would wake her up when her daughter was back, but she was too wired to sleep now.

The door opened, and someone hovered at the door, not really sure what to do. She saw it was Carlisle.

"Hello." He was all he said. He was inspecting her, trying to work out the series of events that led to this most unexpected meeting.

"Hi." She said, too exhausted to shout at him, although a little while ago she did have a few choice words for him.

"I took the privilege of securing you a private room. I thought you'd enjoy the privacy, and well, I was anticipating this conversation. I hope I didn't overstep any boundary or anything, to be honest I'm not really sure where I stand with you." He took his glasses off and cleaned them. "It's really the first time that my son's runaway ex girlfriend has arrived at my place of work in labour. I thought I'd let you…get on with it before I came to see you. I'm sure that you wouldn't have wanted me to see you like that."

Bella cringed at the phrase 'ex girlfriend'.

"How did you know I was a runaway?" Bella asked him. "I might just be…visiting someone."

"Hardly." The corners of Carlisle's lips twitched. "I'm sorry, Bella, this has runaway stamped all of it. Does the father know?"

Bella looked away. Carlisle nodded.

"Does anyone know? I notice that no one has come to see you? Do your parents know where you are?" Carlisle asked.

Bella said nothing. Carlisle nodded again.

"I took the liberty of checking in on your daughter in the nursery before I came here. I'm sorry if that upsets you, I was just merely checking that child was healthy. She's very beautiful, she has your eyes."

Bella nodded.

"May I be so bold, I mean it really is none of my business, is she of half Quileute descent?" He asked cautiously.

Bella nodded again. Carlisle did also.

"Bella, I will be honest with you, I'm not sure what to do right now. I won't tell Edward if you don't want me to, although I am concerned to leave you alone like this."

She turned to look at him, her eyes pleading.

"Please don't tell him." Her voice trembled with emotion. Carlisle nodded and looked back to the floor.

"If that's your choice, then of course I will not tell him." He said. "Having lived with him for so long, I've learned to block things from his gift quite effectively. He will find out nothing from me, if that's what you want, but Bella, I have come to think of you as a daughter." He searched her face for anything of her feelings. She was silent, too tired and too drained to even bother stopping him. "I want to make sure that you and the child are…cared for. Edward needs to know nothing, you understand., but I really don't like the idea of you raising her on your own. "

"Carlisle, it's fine. Sarah and I will be fine."

"Sarah?" Carlisle raised his eyebrows.

"That's Jacob's…" She stopped, and closed her eyes in defeat; she wasn't going to tell him the father's name. "It's her grandmother's name. She's Sarah Renee." She didn't tell him her new surname.

"I see." Carlisle said. "I understand, but I feel I must explain my son's behaviour to you. It is the most inappropriate of times, I know but…"

"Stop." Bella told him, having found her voice at last. "I just can't take it. Edward made his choice, and I'm living with it. Neither of us is perfect, I mean, god knows I've made mistakes." Carlisle nodded. "Maybe it's better this way. I have Sarah now, and I have to think of her."

"I see." Carlisle said. "Well, if you ever need anything, I'm on the end of the phone." He wrote a number on a piece of paper from his folder and handed it to her. "Edward won't find out from me." He turned to leave, but she called after him.

"Carlisle." She called and he turned. "Do you…live close?"

He smiled. "Just outside the city." He walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead. "You'll be an excellent mother, Bella, I believe in you, but I'm afraid I have to go. I need to change and wash before Edward gets home. He…well, we all know what your scent does to him. Anything you need, day or night, I will answer that number. Goodbye Bella." He walked quietly to the door and touched the doorknob, as if struggling with something. "He truly loves you Bella. He'd make a good father, you know, in the absence of the actual father, that is. We both know that he would do it for you."

"I never want him to know what I did." Bella told him firmly. "This is better. It's too complicated that way, I'm thinking of what's best for Sarah Renee now, not me."

Carlisle nodded, and left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: There is some time differences in Edward and Bella's stories. It is a plot device and it's supposed to happen. Also, when Jacob said that Bella had been gone for over six months, it was quite a bit more. Just to let you know. Hope you're enjoying it!**

**Pinkygapi: yes way! It's going to get better, trust me.**

**NightGlimmer: You are so sweet! I'm sure too, I'm thinking people don't review because they're just so stunned with the twists and turns of the story! I'm glad you're enjoying it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward arrived back in New York defeated. Jacob was right; it was as if she'd disappeared from the planet. Why hadn't she just stayed put? She must have known he was coming back! He stormed straight upstairs and threw himself on the bed that he'd had put in for when he found Bella, optimistically. It had been two months since he found out she was missing. His fantasy of finding her somewhere, even homeless on a street somewhere, and taking her home with him was getting further and further away. What was with that girl? She'd be the death of him. He turned, staring at the canopy of the bed. The thought of her…just somewhere…out there, all alone.

Had she found someone else? He knew she was looking for him, but, well, she'd been with Jacob, he shuddered to think about it, rage engulfed him as he thought of the worst possible situations. Bella with some guy, Bella being raped, Bella…dead.

"AH!" He roared and jumped off the bed again, stalking from one side of his room to the other. How could she? How could she…do that? He was completely hers, and it killed him to know that she wasn't and would never be, entirely his. She was the only girl he'd ever even kissed…he thought the pain would kill him. He was planning on, he was going to marry, turn her, and give her anything she wanted just to make her happy again. He was going to make everything up to her, he'd been waiting for her for over a hundred years, and he didn't even realise it. Being away from her made him realise how much torture he'd been in without her, even decades before she was born. He wasn't going to try to stay away from her anymore. He was going to be there, for everything.

Even now he wanted her. He'd left her to deal on her own with the pain, knowing she would never burden Charlie with her feelings. Who was he to judge the way she dealt with it? This thought only served to increase the pain. It was his fault it ever even happened. He knew what she had said to Jacob before…and it was true. He could never have her in that way, he would kill her for sure, but he wanted to have her in every other way possible.

And now…and now, he didn't know where she was. She was gone and he was going to have to go through the rest of eternity alone. But she was somewhere right? It was the only thing that was keeping him going, that she was out there somewhere. He would know if she was dead. It was the only reason he wasn't in Italy now, trying to piss off the Volturi and get himself killed. She was alone somewhere in who knows what trouble?

Is she doing something really stupid? He cursed himself for telling her about the Volturi. Had she gone there to try and get them to turn her? He could see her doing that, then he'd have no choice in the matter, as if he had one now, he'd give her anything she wanted just to keep her in his arms. But there was always a choice, wasn't there? The Volturi would kill her the minute she told them she knew. He swore again, once again just knowing him had put her in danger. He went for his keys, he was going to need his car this time.

Carlisle blocked his way to the door.

"Please, Carlisle. I must find her; she has gone missing looking for me." Edward told him.

"If she has gone to the Volturi, then she will have been dead for months, now, Edward, you're just going to have to accept that. She's been missing for a year."

Edward's eyes closed in agony.

"I can't stop looking for her, even if there is no hope. I will go to the Volturi, and if they killed her I'll ask them to kill me too." He told his father. "I'm sorry, but I can't live in a world where she is gone."

Carlisle nodded. "Well, you know that I'm never going to allow that. I'm sorry, Edward, but you need to let her go."

"She's out there, looking for me and she's gotten lost looking for _me!_" In the century that they'd walked together, Edward can't remember ever shouting at his father before. Carlisle did not even blink.

"If it was meant to be, then she will find you. She's smart, Edward, she'll be fine." This made Edward laugh hysterically.

"Carlisle, you _know _that she won't be alright. She's a magnet for everything bad in the world." Including me. He thought. And Jacob.

"There's nothing you can do." Carlisle told him.

"I don't care. I have to know what happened to her, you know that." Edward went to leave.

"She didn't go to Italy." Carlisle called after him.

"What?" Edward turned around to him again. "How can you possibly know that?"

"Because, I did some searching too, whilst you were gone. She didn't take her passport." Carlisle told him. "She won't have gotten a fake one, and Charlie has had her grounded. Her picture is in every airport security office, every port, and every border guard outpost. She can't leave the country without getting a police helicopter escort back to Washington."

Edward saw the sense of this, but it didn't please him that much. It just meant that there was some corner of the USA that he'd missed.

"I will find her." He said, and disappeared into the fog.

"Here we are, little girl." Bella told her daughter as she wheeled the pushchair into her flat. "We're home." Blessedly, Johnny and Sophie had lobbied to get the lift fixed for her, and that made it a lot easier to get Sarah up to their apartment. Sarah Renee stared around the room quietly. She was a quiet baby, for the days in the hospital she'd been very good, she took to nursing well, and everything was easy. Bella had not seen Carlisle again, and she had mixed emotions about that.

What a bad time to find the people she'd been looking for. She knew that Edward would go crazy if he knew what she'd been up to, and prayed that as far as he knew she was still in Forks. Carlisle was too in control, he revealed very little about Edward, apart from that last little speech, which only served to renew Bella's resolve. She knew the Cullens were in the area, and she'd thought about leaving, but she couldn't, she was set up here, and she had to think of little Sarah Renee now. This was her life; Bella was just a guest star in her show now. She would just have to keep a low profile. There was no reason that she would run into any of them in her little town.

She pushed the little girl into her room, and the girl looked around curiously. Bella picked her out of the pushchair and sat with her in the rocking chair that she bought for the room. She stared at the girl, and as usual was fascinated by her. She had Bella's eyes, but her hair was darker, a bit more like Jacob's. Her skin was a few shades lighter than Jacob's but was close enough for Bella's heart to ache for him. She knew that she could have been happy with him, and that she'd messed up bit time with this ridiculous quest, but it was worth a try. She'd rather disappear forever than live her life wondering what had happened. She couldn't regret what she'd done, only that she hurt her dad and Jacob, but she didn't belong with them. She belonged with Sarah Renee now.

Sarah Renee yawned widely and Bella rocked her gently until she fell asleep, and then put her in the crib. She was hungry, but her fridge was empty and she didn't have any money to buy food. She'd eat tomorrow, when her last pay check came through.

"Here she is!" A few weeks later, she dropped in on her work with Sarah in tow. The office girls squealed and ran over to her, cooing over Sarah, who looked around curiously, as was her standard reaction to most things. Bella hoped that she would be clever when she grew up. She liked people well enough; Sophie was a favourite, and Johnny's clumsy attempts at holding her and cooing were tolerated with good humour. This was the first outing for the child, who'd slept all the way here, waking up just in time to be fed before going in to be displayed.

"She's beautiful." Sammie cooed. "Her skin is so smooth." No one mentioned the colour, the smooth chocolate that she had ended up, but she noticed two of the older women raise an eyebrow at each other in surprise. She ignored them. Her baby was completely perfect; they could keep their judgements to themselves.

After about twenty minutes of being handed around and cooed at, Sarah got a little fussy and started crying. Bella put her back in the pushchair and told the others that she would just take her for a stroll around the grounds, to get her to sleep. She was coming back to work on Monday, and she'd come to see how Sarah would be in the nursery here. She took Sarah Renee out of the back way and took her for a little walk through the trees that were there. It was autumn, and the trees were pretty. Sarah was quiet again, watching the beautiful leaves above her, stretching her hands out like she could touch them.

A figure appeared in front of her, and she recognised him. She stood frozen, even as he did, although he did it better, he had a species advantage. Her heart beat painfully in her chest.

Jasper stood very still, his eyes on her, complete and pure shock on his face. _Was he safe? _ Was her first thought, remembering the last time she'd seen him, well over a year ago. He was the least controlled Cullen, and she was worried he may attack her out of shock. His eyes were a warm gold, however, so maybe she was alright.

"Bella." Jasper said, and it was all he could say. His eyes travelled down to Sarah Renee, who was watching him with serious eyes. "What is going on here?"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm just trying to get this posted because I'm changing a bit that I've written later on, so enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.**

"What are you doing here, Jasper?" She could tell from the look of pure shock on his face that he knew nothing of her presence or her situation. At least Carlisle was keeping his promise.

"I…enrolled here." Jasper told her. "I thought I'd try my hand at electronics." He stepped forward, not coming too close. "Bella, please tell me that's not."

"This is my daughter." She told him firmly, and Jasper closed his eyes.

"Jacob's baby?" He guessed, and Bella was slightly shocked that Jasper would know that, but he didn't seem all that surprised. "Bella, Edward knows everything. Well, not…" he gestured towards Sarah Renee "…you know, the consequence. But everything else. He went back to Forks looking for you, he saw Jacob, he read his thoughts, and now he's going crazy. He's tearing the country apart trying to find you. He blames himself; he's pretty much convinced you're dead. He found your truck in Chicago the other day, and his search is getting more and more frantic."

The words came out of him in a rush, and they hit her right in the heart. She went cold. _Edward knew about her and Jacob? _He knew and still wanted her? Wanted her enough to tear apart the country looking for her? But he didn't know about little Sarah Renee. He couldn't know. He was probably only upset because she wasn't doing as he said. She bet that if he ever found her he'd drag her back to Forks and just leave her there again.

"Jasper, I work here. I've been living nearby and I knew you were around." She told him quietly. "Edward can never know."

Jasper's eyes became wide and he threw his hand out. "No way, Bella, I can't keep this from him. I'm not as good as Alice is at blocking him. Oh God Alice." He hit his forehead, acting very human in this moment of shock. "Please don't ask me to lie to her, Bella, I _can't _lie to her, she's going crazy too, trying to summon visions of you, just any visions of you, but it's like her power works as well on you as Edward's does now. Do you know what it's like for me in a room with the two of them right now? I can't summon enough calm to keep myself from going crazy, let alone either of them."

"I'm sorry you had to find me, Jasper, but you can't let them know. It's my decision." Bella told him. "I'm thinking as a mother now. I don't want to burden Edward with my mistakes, and I'm not allowing Sarah Renee to be raised by a father that will be younger than her when she goes to college!"

Jasper seemed to centre himself now. His customary stillness coming back to him. "I'll try, Bella. If that's really your decision. But you have to know the truth. No one knows what Edward is going through better than me. He is driving himself to insanity; he started searching graveyards a week ago. He never thinks of anything but you, I don't think he's hunted since he knew you had run away months ago."

"I'm sorry Jasper. I left to look for you, for him, I really did. My plan was to find Edward, and I don't know…" she smiled at her crazy plans "…slap him round the face until he came to his senses and took me back. I've left behind everyone I knew to find him, literally left my whole life just to be with him, but fate had a different plan for me. This would cause him too much pain, especially now. I bet he probably got some pretty vivid images from Jacob, and I can't help that, but he doesn't need to live with a constant reminder."

Sarah Renee was still watching Jasper, and at that point she reached out for him. He approached slowly, asking Bella with his eyes. She nodded. He knelt down next to Sarah Renee and held his hand out. She grabbed his finger with both hands, letting go immediately, probably surprised by the cold. She looked at his hand for a second, and then grabbed it again, trying to put it in her mouth.

Jasper laughed. "She's got about as much sense as her mother." He looked up. "Sorry." He said.

"No it's alright. You're right." Bella said and they both laughed. Jasper held her arms and looked into her eyes, as if he could find the answer there. He searched her emotions too, she could almost feel him doing it, like a pressure around her aura, and she bet he found a whole load of love for Edward, but she was set on this decision.

"I'm sorry we had to run into each other again, Bella, I truly am. This has put me in a difficult position. I'm not good at the blocking thing, but I will try my hardest. If that's what you want."

For the first time, Bella appreciated just how old Jasper was. A lot older than Edward at any rate. He showed wisdom and judgement that she usually attributed to Carlisle. She really stared to appreciate her old best friend's husband.

"Thank you Jasper." She said. "I wish we hadn't met either. I won't tell you where I live or anything, just in case."

"Okay." He looked reluctant to leave. "It will be hard to let him keep looking for you, he won't let up until he sees you, you know. Dead or alive."

"I'm just going to have to take that chance." Bella told him. "Please look after him; I know how difficult this is."

"It's damn near impossible, Bella. I'm talking about two psychics, basically. Both of them can read my thoughts, pretty much, and they are both hell bent on finding you."

"Just try your best." Bella said, and went to walk away.

"Bella…you and the baby are alright, aren't you?" Jasper asked, she saw concern in his eyes and she knew that he felt for her the way she was trying not to think of him: like they were family.

"Yes, Jasper, we want for nothing, I have a good job and a nice place to stay, you don't have to worry about me." Jasper looked pained, and Bella was reminded just how moral the Cullens were.

"Are you sure that I can't help you? I mean financially at least. Babies are expensive, I've heard." He gave a self conscious smile and Bella knew he was completely out of his depth, but she appreciated his effort.

"I'm fine." Bella told him, knowing full well that he probably had enough cash in his wallet to support her and Sarah Renee for months. "I really need to do this alone. We aren't rich, but we never go hungry." Bella lied a little there, sometimes she put Sarah Renee on formula so that Bella not eating for a few days wouldn't affect her. Even when she did eat properly, she only did it so her breast milk had enough nutrients for Sarah Renee. If Jasper picked up on this lie, he didn't call her on it, but merely nodded.

"I think…electronics is not for me. I think…I'll go and brush up on my medicine knowledge in the college on the other side of town."

"Thank you, Jasper." She smiled at him, and then turned the pushchair awkwardly around and went to take another route back to the bus stop. Sarah was asleep by the time they got home, and Bella put her in her crib, and then collapsed on her own bed and sobbed until she thought she would die.

Jasper went hunting before he went home. He wasn't hungry, but he needed the time to collect his thoughts before he faced the inquisition back home. He wasn't really sure he could do it, and he was struggling with whether it was the right thing to do. The ironic thing about it was that before the insane search started, Edward was going to enrol on the course with him, and then he would have probably found Bella all by himself.

Feeling very self conscious and wary, Jasper finally ventured home, knowing that if he stayed out too much longer Alice would be suspicious. He got home, made himself feel very calm and natural, and walked into the house.

Alice was humming to herself, and Jasper found her in Edward's room, putting some new dresses and skirts and tops in his wardrobe.

"What's all this?" Jasper asked, walking up behind his love and wrapping his arms around her. "You had a vision?" Nerves crept up on him. Did she know already? Had she seen him with her and expected him to tell Edward?

"No." Alice said, "I'm just planning ahead." She started humming again, placing another few clothes on the rail and turning to place her arms around his neck. "He will find her, you know, and he will bring her back here and they will be in love forever and ever." She thought about it for a second. "Almost as in love as I am." He leant down and kissed her lips, trying hard to remember how he acted when he wasn't keeping a secret from her. It was hard, because he'd never kept a secret from her in his life before.

"You seem distracted." Alice said, and Jasper tried very hard not to be.

"It's the whole Edward thing. He's very emotional at the moment." He told her. "His emotions are mixing with mine. Alice, if I ever lost you…"

She placed a finger on his lips. "You know that will never happen." She told him firmly, and he knew it was true. Alice was amazing, strong and agile and completely his. He picked her up and kissed her, feeling not for the first time the rightness that he felt with her. Their love always amazed him, no matter how many decades they walked together; he would never stopped being amazed by Alice. She came into his life like a whirlwind just when he needed her, and he would do anything for her. He was glad she wasn't upset about Bella at that moment; she was quite content in the knowledge that Edward would find her, because he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it from her if it would ease her suffering. Bella was Edward's problem now, he had no right to mess with Bella's life, he thought, as he carried Alice back into their room.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okay, I have the next chapter all typed up and ready to go, and I will post it tonight, but only if I get a review asking me to. You review, I'm at my computer working all night, so it'll be up within the hour.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Sarah Renee took well to the nursery, and for a while, everything went back to normal. Bella worked, and she didn't see Jasper again. She also didn't see Alice or Edward storming into her life. Jasper seemed to be keeping his promise. Bella knew she was living one day at a time, trying to keep things normal for Sarah Renee, trying to raise her properly. She wasn't really sure how to do it, but she seemed to be growing up alright. She would talk, but not too much, and she seemed to understand a lot of stuff that went on. She was clever, and Bella was pleased with her. She was stimulated and not over stimulated. Bella would figure out how to guide her through growing up to adulthood later, and maybe when the time came she'd naturally know what to do.

She took her to another playgroup after school, just to try and get her to make friends. Months passed, and no one came for her, and there were no more run-ins with the Cullens. She wondered if Edward had given up, but she knew he would never give up on her. Even as she watched Sarah grow, she knew that it was only a matter of time until Edward found her.

It was ridiculous, but she couldn't escape the fact that she would have found them. Her perfect future was within her reach, if only…she stopped herself. Sarah wasn't to blame here. She was perfect and didn't fuss unduly, she was beautiful and Bella loved her. But there was still a tiny part of her…she couldn't think about it.

She walked over to her daughter and crouched next to her.

"Is little madam ready to go home?" Sarah Renee looked up at her mother.

"Yeah. Mommy up!" She said, and Bella smiled, picking her child up. Sarah Renee could say simple phrases now, and could walk a little. For some strange reason this made her feel a lot less lonely.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When she got home, there was someone waiting for her. She froze, staring at the newcomer, and knew that it was over. She couldn't hide any longer.

Alice stood, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So it's true." She said; her upset sounding clearly in her voice. "You are here."

"Yeah. I'm here." Bella said, pushing Sarah Renee's chair right in the door and closing it behind her. Alice just watched her, as she flopped on the couch, her arm over her eyes.

"You know, you've been really stupid." Alice told her angrily. "I can't even describe to you all the ways that you've hurt my brother. He's going crazy over you, literally losing his mind."

"I know." Bella said, but took some hopeful meaning of the words – Alice hadn't told Edward where she was. "How did you find me?"

"Well, Jasper hid it from me really well for him. It took me all this time to work it from him. I could kill him." Alice said. "He told me to tell you sorry. I don't even know how he's been hiding it from Edward."

"I knew he wouldn't be able to keep it up forever." Bella told her honestly. "I knew that you'd get it out of him eventually. Please tell him I'm sorry he ever saw me."

"And it's all true?" Alice asked, walking over to Sarah. "This is Jacob's pup?"

"Yep." Bella said wearily. "That's right, I slept with Jacob, ran away on some foolish delusion that I can have something I want and that things work out, and then had a baby, then realised that I never get what I want, and settled here, where the guy I was looking for lives, just because life likes to kick me when I'm down, and that pretty much sums up what happened." From the very second she saw Alice, all her energy had been drained. All pretence had gone. The very bare bones of it, she'd hurt Edward horribly and she would never be able to make it up to him. Alice stared at her for a very long time.

"I'm just trying to adjust to this, Bella. Two hours ago I was starting to believe you died. This just isn't you. I just can't believe this!" Alice stared at Sarah Renee, and Bella felt a jolt of protective anger for her child. This wasn't all her fault; she wasn't the only one to blame here.

"Hey." She stood up and faced off with Alice. "You all left me, Edward _left _me!" She told her. "What am I supposed to do? Sit in Forks and cry and moan in the hope that one day he'd come back to me? I did that, I did it for _months _and he didn't change his mind. I loved him so much that I missed him when I was in the shower and he was in my room! I felt bad about falling asleep when he was there because I didn't want to waste a second, and that was when I really believed that he would stay with me forever. How do you think it felt when he told me he didn't want me and I'd never see him again? Then left, just like that? I literally collapsed, Alice, I almost died in the forest where he left me." She shut her eyes and tried to re-centre herself, but it didn't work, her emotions were in full force. "I was an idiot and he left me and I got hurt." Bella ran her fingers through her hair, pacing up and down in her fury.

"He _left _me and I had no way of dealing with that. So, yeah, I explored other options and I'm not going to say it was a mistake because it led me to the decision that I'm not giving up on Edward. I wasn't going to hang about in Forks and be miserable and clutch a torn photograph of myself whilst I slept every night just because it used to be a picture of me and Edward. I wasn't going to live out my life in misery, spend seventy years trying to recapture even a little of the feeling I got when I was with him? I realised that I wanted him, so I left my family and my friends and I came looking for _you._" She pointed at her. "Then I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't go back and I couldn't force another man's baby on Edward so here I am. Not the life I chose but it's a life and I'm living it. You know what? It's not what I want. I dreamed of finding Edward, melting to his arms and never coming out again. I was going to force him to turn me and I was going to live with you forever as your sister. But my plans changed because I've got more than just myself to consider now.

"What I don't get is why you think you can swan back into my life and be angry at anything I've done. All I've been doing is coping with what your brother did to me and I don't see you've got any right to come in here and shout at me for hurting your brother just because he decided to leave me. When he left me in those woods he forwent any right to be hurt by anything I've done." Bella told her, raising her chin and staring at her defiantly.

Alice stared at her. And then held her arms out and hugged Bella, who started to sob into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I've been so preoccupied with Edward and his pain I never realised what was happening with you. I'm sorry I got so angry; it's just that I've been so frustrated about not being able to see you, when I found out Jasper saw you and was lying to me, and I just flipped. I…missed you Bella, so much. I've been kicking Edward's ass everyday trying to make him go back to you. I told him from the start it wasn't going to work."

"You didn't tell him, did you?" Bella asked, panicked. "He can't know, it would destroy him to know about…" She looked at her daughter. "I've made my choice, I love him, I will always love him, but I'm a mother now. I have my own life and I can't be running around with vampires when I have a child to think about. We can never be together." She looked over at Alice, whose eyes were wide, trying to find the words.

"Bella, he was there, when I found out. He's the one that…he caught your scent from the college, if only I knew before, I could have blocked him, but…" Alice looked behind her and Bella looked around to see a pair of pained golden eyes. Edward was leaning in the doorway to Sarah Renee's room, his eyes on Bella, having been very still and very quiet since she'd entered, it seemed; a look of confusion and pain. Very slowly, he turned to look at the baby in that pushchair.

Bella stood stunned, and Edward looked in total agony. He looked back at her, then to the baby again, and then left the room quickly, hardly making a noise as he fled from the apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Woah, quick review. Thank you LoveIsMurder, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. This is just a short chapter, basically the last chapter from Edward's perspective.**

**Also thanks to Chicke, Fluffstuff1991 and NightGlimmer for their reviews.**

**I've decided I'm not updating until people review now, so your reviews speed up the updates!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward sat in this child's room, and couldn't believe it. Bella's scent was all over the room. If it wasn't for that smell, the smell that was just like nothing on earth, he just wouldn't have believed it. He sat in the rocking chair, staring at the crib. Bella's child. Bella and Jacob's child. The information just wasn't computing in his brain properly.

He'd read the information in Jasper's mind, during one of the many fights that him and Alice had been having recently. Edward had been worried because Jasper had been acting weird for months, and Alice had noticed it too. The couple had never fought before, even when they disagreed they always respected each other's opinions completely. Jasper had been being defensive, edgy, saying that if Bella wanted to be found she would have made herself apparent by now. Alice hadn't liked that, Edward came home and Alice was screaming at him, and there it was, prominent in Jasper's disarranged thoughts. Bella walking towards him, pushing a pushchair.

Edward had hardly stopped to think then, deciding in that second to go find Bella, and Alice had seen the decision, realised what happened and followed him. He caught her scent all over the college, and that fact that he was going to enrol there before going to Forks did not make him any happier.

"Stop!" Alice told him, and he stared at her. He saw himself in her thoughts, his eyes pure black, and weirdly almost white with hunger. He realised that his throat was burning with the scent and she showed him her vision, Bella dead, Edward having killed her in a frenzy of starvation, frustration and emotion. "Just calm down, if she was going she would have gone by now but Bella's scent is fresh here. We'll find her I promise, just, let's eat first."

"Fine." He said sharply. "But quickly." He followed her into the woods, looking for the quickest meal he'd ever eaten.

An hour later they were at Bella's apartment, Alice was waiting for Bella in the front room, but Edward was just trying to process what had happened. There were no pictures anywhere, but this didn't surprise him. Bella wasn't one for that sort of thing, she was too practical. He couldn't tell what the baby looked like, and neither could Alice, if the visions she was forcing were anything to go by. Now they were in the apartment Alice was seeing Bella, but the pushchair was always empty. Edward guessed that it was because the baby had Jacob's blood, immune to Alice's power. Figures that even now that dog was messing everything up. This child was probably what had been masking Bella all this time.

After all these months of searching, finally having found her, safe and well, he was finally nervous. What would happen when she got home? What would she say? He knew that she always had a choice, he knew from Jasper that she was trying to remain hidden from him, and that hurt him. All this time he thought she'd been looking for him, and she'd known where he was, probably been able to contact him at any time and she'd chosen not to. He didn't want to get in the way of her wishes, if that was truly what she wanted, he'd leave, after he'd seen that she was alive with his own eyes.

Once he saw her, he knew that the hardest thing for him to do would be to walk away. He wasn't sure whether he could do it, but he needed to see her. He needed to see she was alright. Then perhaps some of the tension in his body would fade, some of the frenzy in his mind would release.

The door opened, and he heard Bella gasp. It was like music to him. He shut his eyes in relief for a second, and when he opened them, he suddenly wanted to hide. Bella was talking, her voice sounded dead, but also angry. She wasn't happy to see Alice, and she didn't want to see him.

Alice was angry, and was taking it out on Bella. He saw through Alice that Bella was lying on the sofa, completely the same as the last time he saw her, but he could tell she was exhausted. He wanted to go to her then, lay down next to her and put her arms around her, keep her safe, but he was too scared. He needed to know what she felt first.

Then Bella stood up and launched into this huge speech. The passion of words really hit him. She didn't want to raise a child with him. She didn't want him or his kind anywhere near her child. Finally she had come to her senses and realised what he was and why he left. She'd suffered for him, he'd left her with nothing, at rock bottom and she'd clawed her way back up to something like a normal life, just like he wanted her to do. She didn't want him to come back, she wanted to be left alone, and she didn't even want him to know where she was.

His dead heart seemed to die all over again. She didn't want him. He'd hurt her too much. He'd messed everything up for her, every action he'd ever made when it came to her had just led her to this life. Now she was alone and a single mother and she didn't want him anymore. Why would she? He could see now, almost too clearly. It was all his fault, and she just wanted to be left to get on with it. He walked to the door, and she saw him. The child was looking at him, and he saw through her thoughts that he was a mess. He looked over at the child, seeing Jacob smirking back at him from those cursed memories. He looked back to Bella, who looked shocked and tired. In that moment, he realised what he'd done to her, and then he ran.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Yeah, so I'm updating slower because I'm changing the plot and shifting it ever so slightly.**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I will give you individual replies next chapter, I'm just really busy at the moment. Sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

"Bella I am so sorry." Alice started after the shock of Edward's fast departure had worn off.

"Just go." Was all Bella said, her words breaking. It was her worst nightmare. Edward had seen her, and left her. He wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't even look up as Alice left. Bella picked up Sarah Renee and clutched her to her chest, sobbing. Sarah Renee chose not to talk, but instead stroked her mother's hair. Bella didn't realise the comfort she had been taking from the idea that Edward was looking for her. The subconscious fantasies of Edward finding her and taking her back and never having any troubles again. Now those fantasies were gone. He'd found her and he left. She was alone.

Her sobbing subsided, and she looked at her child, who was watching her with concern. Bella laughed, realising that she was her mother again now. She'd been flighty, run off and was now raising a child on her own at the age of twenty.

"Come on baby, it's dinner time." Bella told her, carrying her over to her pushchair.

"Juice and carrots." Sarah Renee told her quietly, as always telling Bella what she wanted.

"Okay honey." Bella told her, getting out the carrot baby food and making up some juice. Sarah Renee ate quietly. Bella watched her, biting her lip and trying to get her panic under control. She didn't realise how much she'd been counting on Edward. She should have been expecting it. What else did she expect? Edward to just cast aside her choices and make her take him back? No, he would never do that. He always gave her the choice. Now she was just going to have to get on with her own life, and try to do her best for Sarah Renee.

"Mommy." Sarah Renee touched her face when Bella put her dinner down. Bella looked at her, and her heart steadied. Sarah Renee was a perfect child. She was never upset, she never threw tantrums and she played with other children well. Bella felt such a pride in her child, and she really couldn't wait to see what she was like when she grew up. She was already beautiful, but Bella knew she was going to be a real heartbreaker.

"Tell you what, after dinner I'll fix your hair and we can watch Power Rangers."

"Yay!" Sarah Renee had a ridiculous obsession with Power Rangers. Bella smiled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edward had no idea what he was doing. It was like Forks all over again. He couldn't stay away. Bella's breathing was soft and melodic, and he felt like he was drifting back into that trance that her sleep always put him, sitting on the floor across from her bed, just watching her.

"Edward." She said in her sleep. "Edward, don't go." He crawled up next to her bed and kneeled there, making sure not to touch her in case she woke up.

"I'm here." He whispered quietly, as he had always done whenever she had said it before. "I won't go anywhere." He told her. His mind was wild with ideas and plans, trying to decide whether to put them into action.

After a while, when Bella had stopped talking and saying his name, with each mention his heart soared and sank at the same time, Edward walked into the other room where Bella's daughter was lying in her crib. He was slightly shocked to find that she was awake, playing quietly with a doll that she obviously slept with. A quick check of her mind as she looked at him told him she wasn't scared, and she didn't need anything, and that made him smile a little bit. Just like her mother, she seemed completely at ease with monsters just strolling into her room in the dead of night.

Her mind was so like he thought Bella's would be. Even at her young age, she seemed to think sideways, and was so observant. Even now, she was remembering Jasper all those months ago, and comparing his skin colour, looking at her own and wondering why she was different, what was wrong with her. She was considering the warmth of Bella and the coldness of Jasper, and which one he would be. Edward stepped forward and held out his hand to her, and she took it, and seemed pleased that his skin was cold. Edward's smile grew wider. The child was so like Bella, and he could see into her mind. It was one of the greatest things he'd ever encountered. That first look at her when he'd seen Jacob's face had just been shock: she looked a lot like Bella, just with darker skin, and she was beautiful.

He stayed for a bit longer, and was offered the doll to play with. He grinned and took the doll, pretending to cradle it, and rock it gently. The girl looked at him critically, and then held her hand out to get her doll back, and then checked her over when she got it back. Edward laughed softly. He didn't really think about whether the girl would tell on him, or whether Bella would realise what had happened.

He'd forgotten the time, and was shocked to hear Bella's alarm clock go off. By the time Bella was out of bed, Edward was long gone.

Edward came back every night, watching Bella sleep until the girl woke up, and then playing with her, forming a bond with her. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. The girl's mind was so intriguing and so like he thought Bella's to be that he couldn't resist it. Sometimes the girl woke up in the night, and Edward would go and see to her, making sure she was alright, half so that Bella could sleep and partly because if Bella woke up then he would have to leave.

By the sixth night of carrying on like this, he knew that he wanted to be there when Bella woke up. He felt like he should be there for her more than just feeding her child in the night time. He wanted to be able to hold her in his arms whilst she slept, he wanted to be able to buy her everything that this apartment sorely lacked. She barely had any food in the house for her and that saddened him. She would suspect if he helped her out in that way, but he wanted to. He'd made a note of the baby food that Bella had in the house and brought his own with him to feed to the girl, helping out in that small way, and also because Bella would notice if the food started going missing.

At sunrise that seventh day, he made a promise to himself, and to Bella.

Bella woke and yawned, looking around her small room. Once again, as always, the panic overtook her for just a few seconds, and she managed to control it. It had been a week since Edward had walked out on her, and the panic attacks were getting easier and easier to control.

Walking into Sarah Renee's room, she found her awake and happy, as she had been for the last few days. It was odd, Sarah Renee hadn't woken once in the night for a week, and every day she was awake before Bella was. Finally, it seemed that Sarah Renee was sleeping nights, and Bella was so thankful for that.

She took the bus to work, as usual. Her salary didn't stretch to a car just yet, when factoring in rent and bills and things, but Bella didn't mind. Sarah Renee was such a good baby and she quite liked the bus, and watching people getting on and off. It was another overcast day, but it was warm, and this coupled with a good night's sleep Bella was in a good mood, practically singing as she dropped Sarah Renee at the nursery and waltzed upstairs into the office. She sat down at her desk, still humming to herself, and shrugged off her light coat.

"Someone is in a good mood." Sammie commented. It was just the two of them in the front office, the others working in different departments.

"Sarah Renee has started sleeping nights." Bella told her. "For the first time in almost a year I'm actually getting a full night's sleep!"

"Congratulations." Sammie told her. Bella smiled at her. She and Sammie worked together most days in the office, and Sammie was always gossiping about the students and about Sammie's love life. Sammie was in her mid twenties, completely stunning, and seemed to have a new man every week. She had even dated a few of the students on the sly. Bella never really had anything interesting to tell Sammie in return, just mainly about Sarah Renee but Sammie always acted interested even though Bella wasn't sure she was. They never socialised outside of work, and Bella always got the impression that Sammie didn't really like her all that much.

"Oh." Sammie said, pleasurably. "There's a new student arriving today, he signed in on your day off, oh god he's to die for." She sighed. "I think Rachel put his file in your tray to input."

Bella sighed, and pulled the document towards her, looking at this boy that would be too young and too naïve for Sammie, instantly feeling sorry for whoever it was. They were going to know what hit them. She saw the file and her heart froze. _Edward Alexander Cullen. _ If that wasn't enough, there was his picture too, looking glorious as usual. She quickly leafed through his file, same age as her, completed most of high school at Forks High School and then matriculated and completed the rest of the year at Binghamton High School before coming here. She didn't know why that shocked her, it was true, for this time around anyway. Sammie grabbed the file and pulled it towards her, looking at the picture and twiddling her hair.

"God he's gorgeous." She sighed. Bella grabbed the file back and started typing it onto the computer, wondering whether to warn Sammie off or not. "Even you have to admit that he's tragically gorgeous."

"Yeah." Bella said, trying to sound casual. "He's good looking." It wasn't as if she could say anything else. Any girl who didn't think Edward was fantastically attractive had to be blind or stupid. She took a note of the address as well; it was on the other side of town to her apartment. He was doing the same course as Jasper had been doing, and dread filled Bella. What was he doing here? Was he trying to punish her?

"I wonder how long it will take to break down his walls." Sammie continued. "God, a guy like him, he might last me a month." Bella smiled to herself, wondering again if she should warn her off of him, but she was too concerned about what she should do about this turn of events. Maybe…act as if nothing happened? Encourage Sammie to try and deflect him? "It's times like this that I love this job."

"Yeah." Bella said again, finishing putting Edward's details onto the database and checking his assignments. He was a latecomer to the course so he had a few extra credit reports to make up the requirements for the year, that meant he'd be swinging by the office to hand them in sometime. Well, it wouldn't be too hard to get Sammie to deal with him. Another few clicks and she pulled up his timetable. He was in three days a week, one of which was on her day off. Two days a week she'd have to be careful not to run into him, but she knew that he was here for a reason, and if he wanted to orchestrate a meeting he would.

What did he want?


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Okay so there was a snow storm and my lectures got cancelled so it's your lucky day. I have to do my work up on campus but I can't get there so all I have to do is this all day. I may update twice.**

**Sink Ur Teeth In: thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it.**

**FluffStuff1991: Ha, thank you for the compliments. **

**Iz-Belle91: I know what you mean. I'm just trying to keep Bella in character but giving her a little edge. She's not a very emotional person and the stuff she's going through I think would make her less so. Also I like the contrast with how Edward is with Sarah Renee. It's the way it's written itself, really.**

**NightGlimmer: I'm glad you like it. Edward did seem a bit too wrapped up in his own thoughts at that point didn't he? Or maybe he was hearing what he wanted to hear…**

**CloverBabe: Ha, your comments are like little summaries of the chapters. It's great, I'm thinking of making them recaps at the beginning of the next chapters.**

**Caitie126: Thank you!**

**Lovedrher: I'm glad you gave it a chance. I love their little relationship too, but I don't know whether Bella will be too happy about it…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters apart from Sammie and Sarah Renee.**

Edward walked into the college a few days after he enrolled, knowing that Bella already knew he was there. He wasn't really sure what he was doing, he hadn't really thought very far ahead. He'd made a promise to himself that he would be involved somehow in her life, in some small way, and if that was just seeing her every so often in the corridors then so be it. It would be up to her whether she wanted to see him. He knew what he had done to her, her daughter had worried about her mother's crying a lot at night, and it hurt more to think that he was hurting her too. It was weird that he didn't even know her name, but she rarely thought of herself, and she hardly ever talked to him at night, just was content to let him sit next to her crib and play with her dolls until her mother got up.

Electronics was a strange change of pace from his usual medicine based education. He didn't have to follow Carlisle's route every time, he decided and when he and Jasper were deciding on their courses Edward had decided that maybe making robots would help him to forget about Bella. It seemed like serendipity, and only right that he should pick up his acceptance onto the course, however late it was.

There was going to be no room for mistakes now. Although every instinct was telling him to find some reason to visit the office, just to see how she was, he resisted. He wasn't going to do anything that would hurt her more.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Months had passed since Bella got Edward's file on her desk, and she hadn't seen even a glimpse of the bronze-haired boy anywhere. Sammie still went on about him, talking about what she was going to do with him the minute she got a chance. Bella ignored her, knowing that all her friend's fantasies would never come to pass: she wondered whether her friend would be so interested if she knew just how virtuous Edward was. Or that he'd killed people and lived off of the blood of animals that he sucked straight out of the animal right where he killed it. She got back from lunch, coming into the office via the back door, and heard that Sammie was talking to someone at the front desk.

"Why do you want to know about her?" Sammie asked, in full flirt mode. "She's not very interesting, I mean, she's a nice girl, but there's not much to tell."

"I'm just interested. Go on, you can tell me." That velvet voice. Bella stood still, hiding around the corner. Edward had come to the office and was dazzling Sammie. Dazzling her to get information about someone, and Bella knew who that someone was.

She heard the smile in Sammie's voice.

"Lydia? You're chasing down the wrong alley." Sammie told him, Bella edged closer to the corner, she could now see that Sammie was leaning far over the desk, her low cut top probably showing enough to made even the hardiest human swoon. Bella wondered what Edward thought about it, but was too frightened to look further, in case Edward saw her. "She doesn't date. I'm available, though."

"What, not at all?" She heard the grin on his voice, and she wanted to throw something at them.

"Well, apart from the obvious, I've never seen her even look at any boy twice."

"The obvious?" Edward was curious.

"Well, yeah. She turns up here, no family, no back story, but pregnant? I mean, there has to be a boy somewhere in that chequered past of hers for that to happen. Who knows where she's been?" Sammie shifted, fully turning on the charm.

"She's got a kid?" Edward asked, feigning surprise.

"Yeah, I know, at her age right? So not something a guy like you wants to get involved with. She has a daughter, she's like two or something, her name is-."

"Hey Sammie." Bella walked out from behind the corner, and they were both a little surprised. She saw that Edward had been leaning into her as well, and he quickly leaned back and looked a little guilty. "You must be Mr Cullen. I hope you are enjoying your course."

"I am, thank you." Edward said in return. Sammie looked a little put out at Bella's sudden appearance.

"I'll see to it that your teacher gets your essays." Sammie told him. "Come back anytime Edward."

"Thank you." Edward threw another glance at Bella, and then walked down the corridor.

"Didn't I tell you he was too hot?" Sammie told her. "God that picture of him hardly does him justice. There's nothing about that boy I just wouldn't eat up."

"Hmm." Bella hardly trusted herself to talk. His appearance, although long anticipated, had shocked her.

"He's so into me." Sammie said, smiling. "College boys are so easy."

"Yeah." Bella knew that Edward had just been dazzling Sammie to get information from her. Sammie didn't even seem to realise that Edward was only talking about her. What was he doing? Bella wasn't going to rise for it, she sat down at her desk and began inputting the latest marks onto the database for the students to check.

The day went back to being normal, and Sammie's remarks about Edward were getting more and more smutty. She checked his timetable, and was planning to ambush him on the way to the car park and casually invite him out for a drink. Not that they'd make it to a bar, Sammie always orchestrates a reason to go back to hers and that's where they stay for the night. The whole night. Bella said nothing, but bit her lip. What could she say even if Edward did go back with her? She had no link to him; he wasn't tied to her anymore. The way he lived was his own business, and Sammie was attractive. Bella still didn't think it was going to happen, though. It wasn't Edward's style.

Sammie headed out to set her little trap, and Bella sighed, leaning back on her chair. She still had a few more bits of paperwork to sort through and an email to send about some classroom changes before she could go home. She still had half an hour before she had to pick up Sarah Renee from the nursery. It was a while before she realised someone was standing at the desk.

She twisted her chair, finding Edward standing over the other side of the desk, watching her. She turned back for a second, trying to control her breathing, then turned back to him. He had not moved, but was watching her with an odd look on her face.

"Hi." She said.

"Hey Lydia." He said, failing to suppress his grin. "Pride and Prejudice I presume? The one that runs away?"

"Edward, what do you want?" Bella was tired of this cat and mouse game. "I've got work to do and I've got to pick my daughter up in 20 minutes."

"I want…" He started, and then stopped, giving her a crooked grin. "I just want to know when I'll get my marks back for the essays I gave in earlier."

"Three weeks, usually, if there it's a busy time then maybe longer. They'll be up on the database and once you've checked your mark there you can collect your marked essay from here." Bella told him, and turned back to the computer, typed out the email angrily and shut it down. "Now, excuse me, I've got stuff to do and I'm sure you've got homework." She grabbed up her coat and her bag and went to leave.

"Bella, wait." He was right behind her, having jumped the desk. His breath was on the back of her neck. "Bella, I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Don't make me do this Edward." Bella warned him. "You've made your feelings pretty clear." She began to walk away from him.

"No." He told her, grabbing her arm. Bella ignored the tingles up and down her arm as he touched her. It had been years, yet this simple act had such an effect on her. "Bella, let me explain."

"You don't need to." Bella told him. "I know exactly what happened. You went looking for me and you didn't like what you saw."

"No." Edward said again. "That's not it, Bella please, I've tried to stay away from you but I can't. Ever since you first walked into that classroom years ago my every thought has been of you." He turned her around and she was frightened by the look on his face. He wasn't controlled Edward, his eyes were on the verge of black, which told her two things, one that he was probably trying very hard not to kill her at the moment, and two that he hadn't planned this meeting. "I never sleep, Bella. Every single thought for years has been of you. When we were apart, I use to try and live in other people's heads just to find a thought that wasn't of you. It didn't work. I just want to explain my actions."

"I think we've both been through too much for this to work, Edward." She looked up at him with tears falling down her cheeks. "You may not change but I'm a different person. I have a child. I'm not a teenager anymore and no matter what your record says you will always be one. Just please, we can never be together."

Edward looked like he was about to protest, but he seemed to have regained some control as she spoke. He said nothing, but let his arms drop to his side, releasing her. She took one more look at him, grabbed her bag and it was her turn to run from him.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: This is a long chapter and to be honest it was really hard to write properly. It keeps switching perspectives, and I know that the story seems to be rambling now but I promise that the next chapter brings in a new twist.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight.**

Bella ran to pick up Sarah Renee, there would be no playgroup tonight; they were leaving. Her meeting with Edward had frightened her a little bit and she needed her child to be away from here. She realised how stupid she had been to stay this long; she should have left when Jasper found her. It was stupid, but it was something that could be rectified. What was Edward going to do? Track her down? He had to give her the choice. She could see that he was half crazed and dangerous, but surely he would see that she had to be allowed to leave? Her mind was concentrated on getting Sarah Renee out of there, but in her heart she knew that she was running for herself too.

"Mummy!" Sarah Renee ran up to her and put her arms up. Bella picked her up. "Time to see Dylan?" Dylan was Sarah Renee's friend at playgroup. It was cute, and his mother was really nice.

"Not tonight, baby. Mummy's got a surprise for you! We're going on a holiday." Bella told her. New town, new name, new life. With shaking hands she put Sarah Renee in her pushchair.

"Okay." Sarah Renee told her, and they started off towards the bus stop.

Outside the building, Edward's silver Volvo was parked Edward was leaning on it, waiting for her. She stopped. She could run from him, but she couldn't outrun him, especially not with Sarah Renee. Would he have calmed down by now? What was he doing here?

Sarah Renee clapped and laughed to see him. Bella looked down at her daughter and saw that she was straining towards him. She didn't know what to make of that, but she took it as a sign that Edward was getting too close. She'd made her decision a long time ago and he wasn't making her go back on it now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Is he coming on the holiday with us? _The girl's thoughts rang through Edward's mind as he realised what Bella meant to do. She was running again. He'd tried really hard just to be at the college, he'd not even sneaked a physical peek at Bella in the whole time that he'd been there, although he'd visited Sammie's mind more than once, tuning out her horrible mind to get a look at Bella. He hadn't meant to be there when she got off lunch. He was dropping off his end of term assignments early and Bella's friend had started flirting with him, some really filthy things on her mind. He wanted to know what Bella had told everyone about herself, whether Bella had any friends or had got back into contact with her parents.

He'd stayed in her friend's mind when he'd left, just to see Bella, and he'd caught wind of the plan to ambush him. That's why he'd doubled back after class to talk to Bella. The surprise meeting had shocked both of them and now that he'd seen her he couldn't resist the urge to see her again. He felt like he needed to explain, but she'd never given him the chance.

"Stay away from us." Bella warned him, shielding her daughter in a way that broke his heart. He'd scared her, he'd been reckless. Seeing her again…it was different when she was asleep. He was desperate to talk to her, but he hadn't hunted today. That had been stupid. He'd lost control back there, he'd only been partially de-sensitized whilst she slept, but he was himself again. The demon was caged.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm in control again. I just wanted to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about, Edward. I thought I was clear just now."

"Please, Bella. Just let me give you a lift home." Edward asked. Bella approached him, and her daughter strained against her pushchair straps to get into Edward's arms. Bella looked surprised by her daughter's reaction, and Edward guessed that the girl wasn't always so friendly with strangers. "Looks like she's got her mother's sense of self-preservation." He joked, trying to dispel the awkward moment. "Always running towards the most dangerous thing in sight." It was the wrong thing to say. He knew that the moment it left his lips. Bella blanched and stepped back.

"Well, maybe her mother has wised up." Bella told him, and started to walk away. "Just leave us alone."

"No, Bella, please, just wait." He followed her a little way. "Just let me drive you home, it's a twenty minute drive, and the buses are really crowded at this time of day."

"I've been doing it for over a year, Edward, I think I'll survive." She told him, but stayed where she was.

"Please, Bella. Just twenty minutes to talk, and when we get to your apartment, if you never want to talk to me again, then you never have to." He promised, watching her intently, smiling at her. "No strings attached, just a talk."

"I don't have a car seat." Bella said, stupidly. Edward repressed a smile when he realised that he had dazzled her.

"I have." He told her, looking down. Bella looked into his car and saw that it was installed in the back seat.

"Why do you have that, Edward? Do you have a child?"

"No, but I'm not opposed to the idea." He shrugged. "I mean, a child in my life, you know, a friend's child, if you want, nothing more."

"That's just stupid, Edward. What makes you think that I want you near my child? Your assumption is incredibly offensive."

"I'm sorry." Edward told her, feeling even more guilty about his night time visits and his bonding with the girl. He still had no name to put to the face, and it hurt him that he didn't even know this simple thing about Bella's life. Bella wasn't the angry kitten that he'd left in Forks. She had grown up now; she was even stronger than she had been then. She was still fragile and human, but she was resolved, resolved against him in a way that he wasn't accustomed to. "Look, Bella. I've been making a lot of mistakes recently. I'm trying to apologise to you. I know I have no right to ask you for this, but I promise that if you give me this, I'll never bother you ever again if that's what you want."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella shut her eyes, trying to decide. She didn't want to have the conversation with him, but maybe she could convince him to leave them alone. Her heart was pounding and her emotions were everywhere. The tingle in her arm had not gone away yet, which was making it harder. It was _Edward._ She reminded herself. She loved him which every fibre of her body. But she loved her daughter more, and the two spheres couldn't mix, she was sure of that one.

She looked down at Sarah Renee, who was looking at her pleadingly. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe she could talk to him. Maybe she should stop punishing herself and let someone in. Why not the love of her life?

"Fine. I guess a ride home isn't going to kill us." Bella got Sarah Renee out of the pushchair and Edward opened the door for her to put her in the car seat. Whilst she was doing that, Edward folded up the pushchair and put that and the baby bag in the boot.

Bella climbed into the front seat, and felt the familiar leather, smelt the familiar smell. Edward climbed behind the wheel and pulled out of the car park.

The first few minutes, Edward wasted just breathing in that heavenly scent. It was like they were right back in Forks.

"So, what you been doing the last two and a bit years?" Edward asked.

"Growing, giving birth to, and raising my kid." Bella told him. "You?"

"Looking for you." Edward told her. "Then I started a course in electronics."

"How is it working out for you?"

"It's quite interesting." Edward replied. "A lot different from medicine anyway." Bella smiled. "I don't what to overstep any lines here, but what is her name?" He looked at Sarah Renee in the rear view mirror. She seemed to think they were going on a holiday, and was wondering whether someone called Dylan was going to be there.

"It's weird you don't know that." Bella admitted. "Her name is Sarah Renee."

"Renee as in your mother?" Edward asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yes, and Sarah as in…Sarah Black. Her grandmother." She looked away, and Edward nodded.

"I see." He turned around. "Hello Sarah Renee. My name is Edward."

"Hi, Edward." Sarah Renee said back. Bella smiled to herself, the easy way they interacted surprised and thrilled her, but she wasn't going to take it for granted. It was faintly ridiculous to think of Edward and Sarah Renee bonding. Edward with a kid made her snort.

"What?" Edward asked quickly. Too quickly. He was on edge, nervous.

"Nothing." Bella told him. She was very glad that he wasn't privy to her thoughts. They were silent again for a while.

"So?" Bella asked.

"So what?"

"What did you want to talk about? I'm sure there was more than this. Sammie could have told you this."

"Sammie?" Edward asked. "Is that the girl that works with you?"

"Yeah, I'm sure her mind has been…standing out to you."

"Well, she's had some interesting thoughts." He admitted. "I've been trying to ignore them, but she's practically screaming them at me."

Bella giggled at the thought. She was relaxing now, this felt comfortable but she wasn't going to start re-evaluating anything. "I'll bet."

"Look, Bella. I was really stupid before. I should have never run out on you before."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella said nothing, but her lips dropped. He so badly wanted to know what she was thinking. She'd said she loved him so often in her dreams.

"I should have never left you, I realise that now." He continued cautiously. She didn't answer again, just watched the streets go by out the window.

"No you shouldn't have." Bella told him. "Well, either that, or you should never have gone back." She looked over at him. "You have no right to mess around with my life like this."

"I know." Edward told her. "I know."

They were almost at Bella's home, and Edward needed to get across to her what he was trying to say.

"I know I'm messing you around Bella, but you have to know the truth." He stopped, studying her face for her reaction. She seemed to be listening. He pulled up outside her house, and turned to her, looking into her eyes. "I love you Bella, and I'm going to love you for the rest of eternity."

"Edward…" Bella started, but Edward cut across her.

"I'm not looking for anything in return, Bella. I know that you don't want to be with me, you want what's best for Sarah Renee." He looked around at the child, then back to Bella. "I just want to be your friend, Bella, that's all. I can't live if you aren't in my life, I promise I won't push you, I won't force you into anything. All I want is to be able to talk to you again." He reached forward and brushed her hair from her face so he could see her face. "If you never want to see me again then that's fine. I'll move away from here, I'll matriculate, I've done it before. Just say the word and I'm gone." He pulled her face so that she was looking into his eyes. "I'm just asking for friendship."

Bella was silent for a long time. Edward desperately wanted to know what was going on behind her eyes. Not being able to see into her mind had never been so infuriating, and it had been very infuriating before.

"I could use a friend." She said quietly. "But I'm not sure that you're the friend I could use. We're not friendship material."

"We could try." Edward pleaded with her. Bella sighed.

"I don't know. Give me time to think." She told him. "I have no idea whether this is the right thing or not, okay? I don't know how I feel."

"Fine." Edward told her, biting back the disappointment. What had he expected? Her to jump back into his arms and declare her everlasting love for him? For her to marry him and let him adopt Sarah Renee? For her to invite him upstairs and make him swear he'd never leave? He'd do it. He knew he'd never leave her again, she would never leave his sight. All his fantasies of this moment played in his head and completely dispersed as the worst case scenario played out. Not the worst case scenario, he had to admit, but it didn't stop the biting pain in him. "I'll just…give you more space."

"Thank you." Bella told him, and opened the door. He got out of the car and was at Sarah Renee's door before she was. He opened it and then went for the stuff in the boot. Once Sarah Renee was installed in her chair, he rested his weight on one hand on the hood of his car, and leaned into Bella, inhaling her scent. Bella looked a little confused. He didn't really know what he was doing, but he needed some sort of sign for her. His face was inches from hers.

"I'll give you as much time as you need, Bella." He said in his most inviting tone. "I will never let you down again."

Bella said nothing, but looked a bit disorientated. She looked away, and then looked up at him and for the first millisecond he saw it: she loved him as much as she ever did. Satisfied, he moved to let her pass, and she walked off without another word to him.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Quite a long chapter…and sort of pointless…but I thought there had better be a break in Bella's defences against Edward, and some of his questions sort of needed answering so…**

**Also the promised twist is coming later. I've put it off because Bella and Edward aren't there yet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella arrived back at home with a sigh of relief. She was unpractised to hanging about with vampires, and was on edge the whole trip, trying to think of ways out if Edward had a loss of control. It was different back in Forks, she didn't care. She happily took the risk if it meant she could be with Edward, but now she was more careful. Her daughter was too important to risk on the whims of a hungry vampire. She wondered whether Sarah Renee's blood sang for Edward in the same way that hers did, and it froze in her veins when she thought about it. How could she have been so reckless with her life back then? She thought of Charlie and Renee's reaction if they knew what their daughter had been risking and shuddered.

She'd stay. Sarah Renee didn't need to get messed about because of all of this, and Bella knew that Edward would stand by his word and leave if she wanted him to. They left one town for her and they could just do it again, this was a human's world anyway and she wasn't going to let them mess up her life anymore than it already was.

Sarah Renee was watching her from the pushchair and she realised that she'd been standing there staring at the wall. She grinned down at her baby and let her out; Sarah Renee immediately went running off to her room to put her doll in her crib. She was so careful with her things, it always made Bella smile.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edward hadn't seen Bella for a few days, not since he had driven her home. It was the last day of term, and he had denied all the offers to parties and was driving home. It was strange, ever since he left Forks humans had seemed more at ease with him, even friendly. He wondered whether he gave off the aura of someone who hung around with humans or whether his time with Bella had just made him respond better to them.

He saw Bella walking down the street carrying some bags from a baby clothing shop that was on that street. She looked totally at ease and happy in the warm overcast day, wearing a long skirt and blouse. She seemed to shine to him, like an angel walking amongst mortals. He pulled over next to where she had stopped to look in at estate agents.

"Thinking of moving?" He asked jokingly through the open window. She jumped at his voice, not seeming to have noticed him pulling up.

"Not really, well..." She replied, and he was ridiculously grateful that she hadn't shouted at him and run off. "Sarah Renee and I can't live in our little flat forever, I mean..." She sighed. "Her room won't fit in a normal bed when she gets bigger."

Edward nodded, his heart breaking a little at the thought that Bella even had to worry about these things, and that she wouldn't let anyone help her out. If he thought she'd let him he'd offer to buy her a new house and furnish it for her, and pay for Sarah Renee's education, and live there with them...

"Where is Sarah Renee?" He asked, trying not to make everything Bella said make him go off on one of his fantasy tangents where Bella uncharacteristically changed her mind about something and let him back into her life the way he wanted to be involved with her.

"She's at playgroup." Bella answered. "Usually I'd go home and clean and stuff whilst I had the chance but she's getting so big she needs new clothes almost every week. I thought I'd take the opportunity and go shopping for groceries after I pick her up as well." She smiled a little self consciously. "I guess you could say I'm having an evening out."

"I see." Edward said, hating himself just a little bit more. The students in his class were the same age as Bella and they were all out at a party having fun tonight. What kind of life was this for a girl of twenty-one? "How long until you have to pick her up?"

"About 45 minutes." Bella checked her watch.

"Do you want to go and get a coffee or something with me?" Edward watched her reaction carefully. He didn't think he'd ever be able to relax around her again, he'd always be checking to see whether any tiny action of his hurt her, any turn of phrase, movement, anything that might give her the littlest bit of discomfort, comparing her to what he wanted for her and hating himself that he ruined it all. "I mean, only if you weren't thinking of doing anything else with your evening off." He gave her a small smile and looked straight ahead.

"Yeah." Bella said, smiling. "Yeah, okay. It can give us a chance to talk, I guess." She climbed into the car, putting the bags on the back seat. "I guess if we are going to try this friend thing we'd better get this all in the open and try to move past it."

"Yeah. So we can be friends." Edward tried to sound happy or at least okay with that. He drove a short way out of the main square of the little town and parked up by a little cafe. They went inside and found a secluded table. Edward ordered two coffees from a waitress he hardly noticed and thought back to the time in Port Angeles on the night that he had saved Bella from those monsters.

"So". Bella started, but didn't seem to find the words.

"Sarah Renee is really beautiful." Edward told her, if only for something to say.

"Yeah. She's a really good baby too, she hardly ever cries. She's so patient and easy to look after too, even though I'm not really sure what I'm doing some of the time with her."

"Yeah I know." Edward said, and then widened his eyes when Bella's narrowed. "I mean, in her thoughts, she seems really calm."

"You can read her thoughts?" Bella asked.

"Yes." Edward told her. "She's very special."

"What does she think about?" Bella was intrigued.

"She's a whole lot like I guess you would be." Edward told her. "She's observant, far too clever and far too interested in things she shouldn't be." His lips twitched as he said the last bit.

"Oh." Bella said, smiling a little bit, and then the coffees came, and the conversation hit a bump. Edward inspected Bella whilst she was intent on her coffee, swirling in the milk. She had changed a little bit, she wasn't so shy anymore, she was more comfortable in her own body. With grating teeth he wondered whether Jacob had been a part of that, but pushed the thought aside. There were dark circles under her eyes, almost like his, and she'd lost a few pounds as well. He could tell even though most of her was covered. He knew her body so well and there was definitely less of it, she wasn't eating properly, even now he could hear her stomach complaining, but she seem stubborn to ignore it.

"So." Edward said, breaking his train of thought before it started to affect his manner. "I guess that you've decided that we can be friends now?"

"I've decided that I'll give it a go." Bella qualified. "I'm not sure that you and I can be friends." She looked up and the look in her eyes made tingles in his skin. There was a long moment where neither of them moved, and then Bella coughed and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Edward said finally. "I'm sorry that I left you and I'm sorry that through my actions you've got into this situation. I just wish you'd let me help you with this."

"You know I need to do this alone, Edward. I made a choice." Bella's breath caught in her chest and she coloured and looked at the table.

"What?" Edward asked, the tingles turned to waves of energy, warring pleasure at her beautiful blush and nerves at her reaction to her own words. "Bella what's wrong?" She said nothing, but her hands turned into balls. He took one in his and gently smoothed it out, marvelling at the ease that he could touch her still, and the fact that she let him. "You can tell me. I want you to tell me everything, right from the second that I left. You've been alone for so long, Bella, no one here even knows your real name." He gently stroked her hand. "You said it yourself; we should get this into the open."

"When you left I was a wreck." She told him, taking her hand back from him. "I physically couldn't function without you. Whole months passed and I didn't even notice. Charlie told me that for the first few weeks I hardly moved, and that Renee turned up and went to take me to Florida. Apparently I threw a fit and refused to go, and my body began from that point to go about my life, the need to be in Forks, near where the last place I saw you, so ingrained into me that my body acted with my mental input." Bella looked up to see his reaction, and he kept his face neutral even though inside he was in agony from hearing this. "Gradually I began to wake up, but I was still dead inside. I could think again, but no more than about what I was doing, and music, anything that even resembled a couple or love or romance made me nervous." She bit her lip, and he knew that the part he didn't want to hear was coming up. "I gravitated towards Jacob. He made me feel alive again. I guess it was because he loved me, and he provided me with that something that I needed. I guess he was an Edward patch." She smiled and looked at him, and he felt some of his hatred for the werewolf dissipate, he'd never thought of Jacob as helping Bella through the pain, just taking advantage of it. "Over the months, he made me feel like myself again, and I became dependant on him for the simplest of things, until..." She stopped for a second. "Until he slammed me against a wall and told me the things I didn't want to but needed to hear. He told me that you weren't coming back, and he made me realise that I wasn't really a person anymore, I was like a potential person waiting for you to come back and make me real again. I realised that I was like Charlie, who has loved Renee for the twenty years that she'd been gone for, and he was just pretending to have a life, he was just waiting for her to come back, even though he knew she was never going to.

"I guess that's why...it was always about you though." She told him. "I realised it the second that it was over. I thought I was taking steps to move past you and into the future, but I knew afterwards that the words made me panic and I was taking my Edward patch to the extreme.

"That night..." Bella stopped for a second, and bit her lip. "Well, when I realised I decided to make a change. I didn't want to have to stay there with Charlie, being dependant on someone who deserved so much more than me. I left.

"I was in Chicago when I found out, and that's when I made the choice."

"What do you mean the choice, Bella?" Edward grabbed her hand again, desperate to know what she meant, how could there have been a choice?

"I..." Her eyes filled with tears. "I went to an abortion clinic." Edward's heart just about broke again at the pain in that memory. "I wanted to get rid of everything that Forks had done to me, I was going to have the whole mess gone and no one would ever know, because I was never going back to Forks and you would never have found out. But when I got there...I saw a girl, and I realised what it was I really doing, and I stopped. I made the conscious choice to change my destiny, I decided that those tiny cells in my stomach were going to be the entire sole purpose of my life, and I was going to let go of my dreams of you. I gave you up so I could have Sarah Renee."

They were silent for a second, then Bella laughed a little.

"I didn't know how heavy that memory has been for me to carry alone until I told someone. The idea that I would have thought to do that...it's really been weighing on me." Bella admitted.

"What happened after that?" Edward asked her.

"Well, I got on a train, and left the little community that I'd found. It seemed right to me, to be on my own, because well, I didn't want to burden these normal and nice people with something so ridiculous as a young normal girl in love with a vampire and carrying a werewolf's baby." She smiled a little self consciously. "I was worried that the baby might not be normal. It's ridiculous to think of now I mean Billy is just a normal human and his grandfather was a werewolf, but I was a little freaked out. Anyway, I found this place and lived in a motel for a few weeks on the rest of the money I made in Chicago working at a restaurant, found a job at the university and my little flat and settled in and continued with my pregnancy.

"I was relieved when I found out that she was normal and a girl. It made things a little easier, and my neighbours helped me out a lot. They've been trying for a while and Sophie, that's my neighbour, said that it was good practise for when she got herself up the duff." Bella laughed at some memory that Edward sorely wished he shared. It was amazing to think that all the time he was looking for her she was quietly having a life, with some sort of semblance of normality to it. He marvelled at humans' ability to find stability.

"What happened at the birth?" Edward asked. "When was it?"

"It was in January." Bella told him. "January 22nd and I gave birth at home." She was very vague about that, and he knew that there was something she wasn't telling him, but he didn't push the point. "She was a good baby, and after a few months I was back at work, and that's when I saw Jasper. I'm surprised he kept it from you for an entire year."

"Yeah, me too." Edward told her. "What did you do for her birthday and for Christmas last year?"

"We…had a quiet one." Bella told him. "I didn't have much money, her clothes were getting more and more expensive, so I bought a little cake and we had Sophie and Johnny up. They were our only friends, Sarah Renee hadn't started at this playgroup, she's got lots of friends there now. Not that I have many more friends now, but then I never really did anywhere else anyway."

"Bella." Edward wanted to take her in his arms, but he didn't know whether that was what she wanted or not. "It doesn't have to be that way." He told her. "When I went back to Forks, I went full in the knowledge that I had hurt so much that even if by some miracle you would take me I was going to spend the rest of your life making it up to you, taking all the consequences of my departure, and that stills stands." He searched her expression for a reaction, a feeling, but it seemed that her emotions were spent on telling her story. "Bella, I can't let you live this life. I simply can't allow you to struggle alone and watch you do it."

"Then leave." Bella told him quietly. "I don't want to burden you, Edward. I want you to have a carefree and happy existence, like you did before you ever met me. What am I really? I'm just another human, Edward. You're immortal. I'll be gone before you could hardly blink your eye."

"Don't say that, Bella." Edward said. "You would have a long and happy life if you'd let me in, I'd see to it that you and Sarah Renee had everything, and I would lie with you on your death bed and die with you when you go. You talk of being a potential person waiting for me to come back to you, well, that's what I was before I even met you. I was just waiting for you to arrive in my life for decades before you were even born."

"Exactly, and look how I messed it all up." Bella told him. "I can't grow old next to you, Edward. Every wrinkle would make me less and less worthy of you, and I need to stay human and guide Sarah Renee through the world. She is my life now."

"Bella, you're the most ridiculous entity I've ever met and I've walked the entire world."

"Look, I've got to go and pick her up now." Bella told him. "This isn't going to work. I love you too much and it hurts when I'm around you." She turned to walk away.

"Bella, wait!" Edward threw some money on the table for the two untouched coffees and followed her quickly, a little dizzy from that quick admission of her true feelings. He couldn't believe that she would say it like that and run, it was obvious she'd changed quite a lot, there was a time when she couldn't stay away from him and now she couldn't get away fast enough. "Just...just let me drive you to get your groceries, it must be hellish trying to navigate the buses with shopping and a pushchair."

"I don't know Edward..."

"Please. I want to help you. I won't even pay for any of it or anything, won't even offer, promise." She watched him for a few seconds and sighed, throwing up her arms in defeat.

"Fine, I guess it would be nice to have the help." She followed him to his car, and he opened the door for her, wondering how he was ever going to be able to leave her side now he knew all of what she'd been through and how much she loved him still.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Two updates in a day! Short chapter but the last one was long.**

**Twist occurring.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

When Bella turned up with Edward in tow to the playgroup, she saw some of the other mother's whispering and looking at her with impressed faces. She smiled, knowing exactly what they were thinking. She'd been out of coffee with some of them after they dropped the kids off here before, and they all told her that she was too pretty to be alone and that she should pick up a nice boyfriend and it was silly that she spent all day talking to students her own age and hadn't even thought of dating one.

Sarah Renee came running up when she saw them, but instead of running up to Bella she came and stood by Edward and grabbed his jean leg.

"Hello Edward." She said in the exact same tone she had done in the car.

"Alright baby?" He said to her, a greeting that was customary in their nightly visits before he had known her name. He picked her up and held her in the air for a second before placing her on his hip. Bella saw the other mothers nodding to each other at the ease in which Edward handled Sarah Renee and clapping their hands in excitement. She knew that she would be going out to coffee with them soon to explain this new development.

"You seem very good at that." She observed as Edward carried Sarah Renee in one arm and her stuff in the other. Edward shrugged.

"She's just a little you." He told her. "I used to carry you everywhere."

"Not on your hip." Bella accused.

"I've seen other people do it." Edward laughed and strapped in Sarah Renee and touched her on the nose and closed the door, leaning on it and looking at Bella. "I just want you to know I'm comfortable with her, I can learn to look after her."

"Well, we'll see." Bella told him as she got into the door that he opened for her. "I'm not sure I need a babysitter."

It was a little weird seeing Edward somewhere as mundane as a supermarket, especially when he doesn't eat, but he calmly pushed the trolley, following Bella through the aisles with Sarah Renee in the little seat. He looked so domestic, playing with Sarah Renee and singing along to her little songs that she always seemed to sing in the supermarket these days. There was one that Bella had never heard before a few weeks ago when Sarah Renee was singing it, it was like a little lullaby nursery rhyme song that Sarah Renee had been singing, she assumed that they sang it at playgroup or something, but when she began to sing it, Edward sang along.

"What is that song?" Bella asked. "She's been singing that and I've been racking my brains trying to find out where she heard it."

"I don't know." Edward said, his face smooth. "I guess I've just heard it around." At the moment they passed the toy aisle. "Hey, I know I said I wouldn't buy any food or anything but do you think that I could buy Sarah Renee a present? You know, as a friend of her mother's? As a late birthday/Christmas present?"

"It will be Christmas again in a few weeks time." Bella told him.

"I know." Edward told her, nodding. "I promise I won't buy her anything else until then if you don't want me to."

"Alright then." Bella told him. "Okay, you can buy her a present."

Edward went into the toy section, pushing Sarah Renee with him. It was the strangest sight Bella had ever seen. He held a few things up to the girl who considered it, and then chose a new doll to go with her other one. Edward nodded prophetically and added it to the basket.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As promised, he only bought the doll, not saying a word as Bella bought her groceries and driving them both home. He helped her unpack the shopping in her flat and graciously agreed to go with Sarah Renee to put the two dolls to bed. Sarah Renee sat about brushing their hair and tucking them in whilst Edward joined Bella back in the small kitchen/living room.

"Well." He said, not really knowing what to say.

"Yeah." Bella replied. "Thanks for today, it was nice to be able to talk to someone."

"Any time." He told her. "I mean it. Day or night." He gave her a crooked grin and she smiled at the joke. There was another few minutes of silence.

"So, I've got to get Sarah Renee fed and bathed and to bed soon, and I'm really tired." She said, and Edward nodded. She was drawing out the boundaries and he would stick to them religiously. Whilst she was awake anyway. He allowed himself the nightly visits, if only to be able to get through the long days without her so close to him.

"I guess I'll see you soon." Edward said. "I'll call you, maybe we can take Sarah Renee to the park or something, seeing as neither of us have to go to college for a few weeks."

"Okay." Bella nodded. "I'll see you later." She agreed. "Call me...in a few days."

Edward nodded, smiled at her, and left.

Edward drove back to his house feeling some of the elation of the run to forks over a year ago. Finally, after all the waiting and killing himself with suspense, they had struck up something that a blind person might suspect was something close to almost a casual friendship. There had been a slight error, when Sarah Renee had started to sing the song he'd made up for her to get her to sleep, and Edward wasn't sure how happy Bella would be at his visits to their little family at night.

At least he knew that she actually had some food in the house. She was getting thinner everyday and the circles under her eyes were starting to match his. Humans need so much looking after, he wondered how any of them did it.

"There's something you should know." Alice was waiting for him back at their house. "You aren't going to like it."

Edward slammed his car door shut, and turned to his sister, waiting patiently. She checked him over to make sure that he was calm and at ease, then showed him a vision that she had had that evening whilst Edward had been with Bella.

Victoria stalking up to Bella's building and breaking in.

"When is this?" Edward asked her, panic building in his chest.

"A week or so." Alice told him. "My visions aren't as accurate for Bella now, and I can't get anything from in Bella's apartment, I guess Sarah Renee is distorting them."

"I won't let this affect Bella's life." Edward told her. "We need to plan how to deal with this without her knowledge, but we can't let her out of our sight for a second."

Alice nodded.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Ack, not liking this chapter, but hey! I hate all my work.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella woke the next day and stretched in the morning light. It was another overcast day, and Sarah Renee was already awake and smiling, playing with her dolls in her crib when she went to check on her.

"How is mummy's beautiful baby today?" She asked her.

"Okay." Sarah Renee replied. She took the child to the high chair and placed her in it whilst she fixed them both some breakfast. It was as they were finishing this up that there was a knock on the door.

It was Alice, standing sheepishly on the doorstep.

"Hi." Bella said, surprised.

"Hey." Alice said. "I just came around to see how you are." Bella stood aside and let Alice in. "I'm sorry I haven't been round since...well you know. I was giving you space, but I thought, seeming as Edward got to see you, and I love you as well, I was just thinking...why can he be your friend and I can't?" Bella pulled her into a hug.

"It's good to see you Alice. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't want to see you. I've missed you a lot."

"I missed you too." Alice surveyed the scene in the kitchen. "Am I too early? I'm sorry, I've forgotten about human timing and stuff. I thought that you'd be up by now."

"It's a great time. We're just indulging in the fact that it's the holidays for a while, before my Christmas job starts and we have to start getting up early again." Bella told her, feeling elated that Alice was here. "You haven't met Sarah Renee properly have you?"

"Not really, no." Alice said and stepped forward to the child. "Hello Sarah Renee, my name is Alice."

"Hi." Sarah Renee said seriously.

"I like your nightie." Alice told her.

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry, if you give me a while I'll just clear up and get Sarah Renee organised and we can talk." Bella cut off.

"I'll clean up." Alice offered. "I can do it quicker." She turned to the table, and Bella went to get Sarah Renee dressed. Alice was in the little room just as Bella had gotten Sarah Renee into new underwear and vest. "Um, do you think that I could help you?"

"You want to dress up my daughter?" Bella asked, amused.

"Well, Rosalie dresses herself and the boys are not so fun…I kind of missed my Bella doll, and she is so beautiful…" Alice turned pleading eyes on Bella.

"Fine." Bella said, reminded of the shopkeeper's sighting of the two teenage girl vampires. "Just no makeup." She stood back and Alice tore open the little girl's wardrobe.

"Oh, what's this?" She picked up a little pink dress that Sarah Renee had never worn.

"That was a present from my downstairs neighbours." Bella told her, smiling at Alice's choice. Obviously Alice didn't like her choice in her daughter's clothing either. "It won't fit her, she'd outgrown it even by the time she got it."

"I see." Alice was unperturbed, and found Sarah Renee a little dungaree dress and some tights. "This will do for now."

"For now?" Bella asked immediately.

"Bellaaa…." Alice pleaded. "How do you feel about a shopping trip?"

"No." Bella told her emphatically.

"But we've done it before…"

"Yeah, but that was when I wasn't paying bills or rent or anything and didn't have a child to look after." Bella told her. "You know that I won't let you buy me anything."

"You let Edward buy Sarah Renee a toy." Alice accused. "I want to do the same. I want to buy her a birthday/Christmas present too."

Bella's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Did he send you over here to buy me things?" Bella asked. "I can't believe it!"

"No, no he didn't." Alice back-pedalled quickly. "No, I'm here to be your friend again, I'm sorry, I won't ask again." She gave Bella a look that meant it wasn't let go though.

"Fine." Bella said. "Well, do you want to come to the park with us? I was going to take Sarah Renee out today, you know, because I'm between jobs and have the time to."

"What do you do over the Christmas period?" Alice asked, and Bella coloured.

"I'm not telling you." She said emphatically. "That is something that not you or any of your family will ever know about."

"Does Sarah Renee go with you?" Alice asked.

"No, she goes to a playgroup." Bella said.

"Well I can find out anyway then." Alice told her triumphantly. "My visions only don't work when Sarah Renee is around." She sat still and Bella could see her going into her vision mode.

"Alright!!" Bella panicked at the thought of Alice actually _seeing _her at work. "Fine, I'll tell you, but no way that Edward knows, ever!"

"Agreed."

"I'm Santa's little elf." Bella coloured again and looked away from her friend. Alice's face went completely smooth, an expression that Bella knew was the Cullen's face when they were controlling themselves. "Now you know. At the Binghampton Town Mall. The first year I was a fat elf, but I've been doing it since I got here. No telling Edward. There is no reason he would find out."

"Right." Alice agreed, her voice obviously lacking the laughter that would have been there in a less controlled being. "He will hear nothing from me."

"Good." Bella said. "Could you watch Sarah Renee for a second and I will get changed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alice fixed Sarah Renee's hair as Bella went to get dressed for outdoors.

"You feel like Edward." Sarah Renee told her. "All cold."

"Yeah?" Alice said, not really knowing what to say. Sarah Renee nodded, messing her hair a bit, Alice fixed it up again.

"He reads me bedtime stories when I wake up at night." Sarah Renee told her. Alice raised her eyebrows.

"Really? Does mummy know?" Sarah Renee shook her head, sending her long hair flying again.

"No. Edward said to be "shhhh!" She put her finger to her lips and giggled. "I like Edward."

"That's good. Edward is nice." Alice said with a little giggle herself. She made a mental note to ask Edward about this later.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella was ready quickly, and Alice and Sarah Renee were sitting in the living room when she came out of her room. They walked to the park and when they got there, Sarah Renee went running up to the roundabout. Bella pushed her gently and Sarah Renee screamed with laughter at the feeling.

Alice watched with amusement for a while and Bella wondered how ridiculous it must look, a tiny child spinning around so slowly and screaming like a banshee, she seemed to have other things on her mind, though. "So what is going on with you and Edward then?"

Bella looked at her, and bit her lip, thinking for a second, letting go of the roundabout and letting Sarah Renee spin around for a bit on her own.

"I'm not sure." Bella admitted. "I mean, he told me that he loves me and that would never change, but how long is that going to last this time? If it wasn't for Sarah Renee I would take him back in a heartbeat, but I'm not having him walk in and out of her life too. So, we're going to be friends."

"Really?" Alice was incredulous. "Are you ever going to be friends?"

"I want to try." Bella replied. "I don't know. I guess. I'm just going to get hurt again aren't I?"

"Edward would rather die then let that happen." Alice told her.

"Yeah, but he can't really help it can he? Just being around him hurts me, but it'll hurt if he ever leaves." Bella shook her head. "I really just don't know what to do. The friends thing is the only option, and if it doesn't work out…" She sighed. "I told him I loved him yesterday." She admitted.

"Did you?" Alice was surprised, Edward hadn't told her that.

"Yeah, it sort of just came out in a rush, I'm not sure how he would take that. I thought I was doing so well on the whole 'my feelings have changed' thing." She sighed again. "I was really resolved on the fact that I wasn't going to tell him that I loved him, but it was just so natural to tell him. It came out without prior thought or orders from my brain. "

"Oh." Alice said. "So you do still love him then?"

"Yes." Bella told her. "I do, but I'm not the same person. I don't want to start things up again. I just sort of walked off and tried to pretend like I didn't say it and he went along with it."

Alice nodded. "But you want us in your life?"

"I guess." Bella said. "To be honest, Alice, I've never really thought about my life goals…I've been trying my hardest just to get through each day. To have you guys back in my life…I have no idea what the best course of action is. I don't know whether I can handle just seeing you around the place, acting like normal friends when a few years ago I would have given anything to die and be with you forever." She pushed Sarah Renee again. "Look, I really don't want to go through this with Sarah Renee around. It's not fair on her."

"I understand, but Bella, we will sort this out. I'm not giving up on you and Edward just yet." Alice told her firmly. "He loves Sarah Renee, I know he does."

"He's only met her a few times." Bella told her. "I'm trying to keep them separate, really. I don't want her to get attached to him before I decide whether I can deal with being his friend, but they do seem very friendly." Her forehead wrinkled.

Alice said nothing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well, I'm glad that you and Edward are friends again." Alice told her, springing up. Alice had spent the day with them, just relaxing and wandering around the shops a bit before coming home and watching Power Rangers and putting Sarah Renee to bed, when Alice had brought up the whole Edward situation again. "Because that means I get to be your friend again too." She sprang into Bella's room and ripped open her wardrobe.

"Alice!" Bella hissed, trying not to wake up Sarah Renee.

"What?" Alice questioned. "This is what I do!" She started routing through Bella's clothes. "Oh no." Alice brought out a large woolly jumper that Bella had worn towards the end of her pregnancy. "Please don't tell me."

"I like that jumper! It's really warm!"

"People could have mistook you for fat in this outfit!" Alice shook head. "I'm sorry but I'm taking you shopping."

"I can't afford new clothes, Alice. My old ones are fine, I'm back to my pre-baby size." Bella crossed her arms.

"And then some." Alice added, eyeing her. "I've got money, Bella, it's the least I can do after everything."

"No. Alice." Bella told her.

"Why not?" Alice asked. "It's just one friend helping another."

"No, you're Edward's sister, Alice. I wouldn't let him buy me things when we were together. Boundaries get fuzzy if I let his family pay for me."

"The situation has changed just a little bit, Bella!"

"Yeah, it has. It's changed and I've got a job and I provide for my family and we have everything we need. It complicates things if I start letting your family help."

"Fine." Alice said. "Can I at least give Sarah Renee a Christmas present next week? Or I can wait for her birthday next month?"

"You already know I'm going to say yes don't you?" Bella sighed.

"Of course I do. You'd never deny me this teeny weeny little thing."

"Fine then." Bella agreed.

"Great!" Alice clapped her hands together.

"Is it even going to make a difference if I say don't go crazy?"

"Nope. You said that I can give Sarah Renee a Christmas present and a birthday and you can't take it back."

"I said you could get her a birthday present." Bella defined her promise.

"Well, a present can be many things." Alice waved her hand dismissively.

"Can we talk about it later?"

"Alright." Alice relented. "So, let's go and sit down and you can tell me how you managed to escape both a werewolf and a vampire's best efforts at looking for you. What have you been doing with yourself?"

They talked for a few hours about what had been happening since the Cullens left Forks, and after a while, Alice left so that Bella could get some sleep before her embarrassing new job. Bella had to admit as Alice left that she was a little excited about Sarah Renee getting a party. Bella quite liked the idea of Sarah Renee getting a little bit of a fuss made about her. Her life was mainly getting dragged around from playgroup to playgroup whilst Bella worked.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Okay so the beginning of this bit was supposed to be the end of the last chapter, so this chapter is a little longer. I keep changing the plot, if Alice was trying to see the end of this story it would be giving her one hell of a headache. Thanks for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.**

Alice walked outside and Edward was next to her in a second.

"How is she?" Edward asked her.

"She's fine. We had a really good talk." Alice told him. "I had an interesting talk with Sarah Renee too, she told me something very interesting."

"Was she suspicious?" Edward skilfully ignored the reference to Sarah Renee.

"Nope." Alice told him. "We were best friends before, it's only natural that I would want to be again. I do want to be again, I would have gone to see her anyway." Alice narrowed her eyes at her brother, and started worrying about his mental health again. He was starting to look the way he had when Bella was missing.

"I'm fine." He told her. "I just want to get this Victoria situation away so that Bella can just have a normal life."

"A normal life with a Vampire boyfriend?" Alice asked him.

"That's not the issue that at moment." Edward told her. "That's something she can work out for herself. If she wants me I'm here, if not then I'm still here but just as a friend. You haven't been talking to her about me have you? I don't want to pressurise her."

"No." Alice carefully thought about watching Power Rangers and discussing her college job.

"I know when you are blocking me, Alice." Edward almost growled. "You talk to her about me again and you're off the case."

"I'm off the case?" Alice said sceptically. "So what? You are just going to happen to turn up at her house every morning? That will be a lot better for your case than me letting Bella soundboard her feelings off of me."

"What are her feelings?" Edward asked. Alice smiled.

"She trusts me again, I'm not betraying that trust."

"What about my trust?" Edward asked her.

"What about Bella's trust?" Alice's eyes flashed in anger. "It's only a matter of time before she finds out you've been sneaking into her child's room when she specifically told you to stay away!"

"That's none of your business, Alice." Edward told her. "I'm just trying to do my best to help Bella."

"No, you're doing the best to help yourself. You're pissed because you spent so much time looking for her and she doesn't want you. You're panicking because you screwed everything up and you can't fix it. You're acting stupid because you can't exist without her and you worked that out too late despite the fact that everyone has been screaming it at you ever since you first met her." She showed him pictures of him and Bella in Forks, flashing through them so fast, them at school, the silly games of hide and seek they used to play in the woods over the summer, there was a flash of an Eiffel tower, with Edward in a tux and Bella in a blue gown."

"What was that?" Edward asked. "Bella and I have never been to Paris."

"No. You haven't." Alice told him. "Just drop it now, Edward, let's just get this done."

"Fine." Edward gave up. "Emmett's taking the night watch and Jasper and I are going to scout around to see if we can find Victoria and finish this. Call me if you get another vision."

"Will do." Alice promised. "I'll go home and concentrate on seeing her whereabouts. We'll find her, nothing will happen to Bella's little family."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you looking forward to Christmas sweetie?" Bella leaned down and smiled at the little girl that was hiding behind her mothers legs. The little girl nodded into the back of her mother's knee.

"You want to go meet Santa?" Her mother asked her. "Go with the nice elf and she'll introduce you." Bella stuck her hand out and the little girl took it.

"What's your name?" Bella asked her.

"Helena." The little girl told her.

"That's a pretty name." Bella told her. "Come on, Helena, let's go together and see Santa." Bella led her through the curtain, and her mother followed.

"And who is this?" Johnny worked at Santa, which was how Bella had got the job. He was really good at it.

"This is Helena, Santa." Bella told him. "She's really looking forward to Christmas."

"Hello Helena, come and sit on my knee and tell me about Christmas."

Bella smiled as the little girl ran up to Santa and Johnny lifted her onto her lap. It was a busy day today, and they must have seen 30 children already. After this little girl it was time for lunch. It was embarrassing walking around the mall in her short green dress with the red and white striped shirt and tights, and green wig and hat. She even had to wear pointed ears.

"Have a good Christmas, little Helena, I'll see if I can rustle you up that bicycle." Helena ran off to her mother clutching a yo-yo and the minute she was out of the grotto Johnny sighed. "Lunch? My treat." Johnny was always generous around this time of year.

"Alright." Bella conceded. She left to let him change, because they found out a long time ago that if he goes to the food court dressed as Santa they got mobbed. Bella chose to stay in uniform because some of the children recognised her once out of costume and got upset.

"Ready?" Bella asked as Johnny came out of the grotto in normal clothes.

"Let's go." Johnny replied. They started to walk towards the escalators, and when they got on, Johnny turned to her. "Sophie is going to kill me for this, but I just can't wait to tell you." He gushed. "Sophie is pregnant!"

"Oh my god!" Bella exclaimed and hugged Johnny tightly. "I can't believe it! I'm so happy for you guys!"

"Sophie wanted us to tell you together but I'm so excited." Johnny was red with excitement. "I'm surprised I managed to wait until now."

"This is great!" Bella said.

"Sophie's really happy but she's also really nervous." Johnny admitted. "Even though we've been trying for so long we're not really sure what we're doing."

"I'll help you guys all the way." Bella assured him. "It's the least I can do, I'll round up all my pregnancy clothes tonight and…"

"Don't do that just yet." Johnny warned her. "It's early days and…even though she's further along then before…"

"I understand." Bella told him. Sophie had miscarried a year ago and she could see why it would make her nervous. "I've got my fingers crossed!" They reached the top of the escalator. "I'm just so happy!" She said and pulled him into a big hug again and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you so much and this is really great!" Johnny grinned sheepishly as Bella clung to him.

Bella recovered herself and coughed, smoothing out her skirt. She scanned the court to see whether anyone had actually noticed her display and her eyes court on two golden eyes locked on her, looking a little shocked and calculating. Emmett was sitting with a McDonalds meal, picking at it listlessly, watching her, he didn't seem surprised at all that she was there. Bella's heart accelerated at the sight of him and turned away, ignoring him.

"What are you in the mood for?" Bella said. "My treat now, I'm just so happy for you."

"Are you sure Bella?" Johnny knew that Bella didn't have much cash to spare.

"Definitely." She assured him. "Sarah Renee has almost stopped growing so quickly, I think. It doesn't matter, the amount of home cooked meals you've cooked me through my pregnancy! It's the least I can do."

"Alright." Johnny conceded. "Let's go to the noodle bar."

"Oh, just what I was thinking." Bella practically danced over to the counter with him. She was stupidly happy for her friends, who had been trying for over two years to get pregnant. If anyone in the world deserved a child it was them.

They ate and Johnny went through Sophie's symptoms proudly. Bella smiled at how happily he described his wife's throwing up copiously. She also noticed that Emmett hadn't moved, none of the other Cullens had turned up and he looked distinctly bored.

"It sounds all healthy and hopeful." Bella assured him. "Exactly the same as I was." Johnny breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's brilliant." Johnny said. "I hope my kid is half as great as Sarah Renee is."

"I'm sure you're kid will be perfect, Johnny." Bella told him, and checked the clock on the wall. "We'd better be getting back to other people's kids." She told him with a smile.

"Okay, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom first, it's really awkward in that suit. Be back in a second." He stood and left in the direction of the toilets.

Not ten seconds later another tray slid onto the table and Emmett was sitting backwards on one of the chairs.

"What the hell are you doing here Emmett?" Bella hissed.

"Same question and who is that guy?" Emmett said with open hostility. "You seem very cozy with him, I guess that's why you don't want Edward to know where you work over the holidays."

"I didn't want anyone to know where I am because I have the right to some privacy!" Bella replied.

"Look, Edward is working really hard for what? So you can swan off with this other guy?"

"It's not like that. Edward can work as hard as he wants I'm not changing my mind." Bella told him. "He's a friend."

"Yeah, that's what it looks like." Emmett said sarcastically. "Look, I like you Bella, but I love my brother a whole lot more, so I'm not going to sit by and watch you spend your time like this."

"Edward and I are just friends." Bella snarled at him. "I am free to do whatever I want. Even hang out with a friend and congratulate him on the fact that he's having a baby with his wife, who is also a good friend on mine." She glared at him. "What are you even doing here, has Edward sent you to check up on me? Am I not allowed to have a life just because I smell good to him or something?"

"Oh come on Bella, you know that you and Edward are meant to be together, just wake up and realise it so you guys can get back to your relationship, and whatever it is the two of you do together." He made a face. "I don't know why the two of you are so obsessed with being in a relationship where you just throw puppy eyes at each other but you both are and I see no reason why you can't keep doing that."

"That's none of your business, Emmett." Bella told him. "What is it with your family and butting into my life? Yes Edward and I dated and yes we were in love but that's it. People break up all the time and then carry on with their lives, no longer being responsible for the other's actions."

"Edward doesn't." Emmett told her. "Almost a hundred years and you're the only girl he's ever looked at. In the time I've been in the family, I've seen girls, human and vampire alike throw themselves at him and he never gave them a second look, until you. The small oblivious girl who had no idea of his feelings. God it was ridiculous, he'd be constantly watching you at school, before you guys even really talked, just some skinny girl, with not even half the allure of some of the girls that have properly thrown themselves at him. Not that you're not pretty, and all that, I'm just talking from my perspective. The way he used to watch you…every night he'd sneak to you to watch you sleep and you hardly knew him. You should have seen him when we left Forks. For Edward, there will be nothing but you. I don't get it but I really don't think he has any choice in the matter."

Bella was shocked by this speech from the usually light hearted Emmett, so shocked she forgot that she was suspicious of his appearance there, it sort of made sense.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to watch out for my brother. He and Alice and Jasper have got their super hero powers thing going on and to be honest Rosalie is tired of the whole thing, I'm just feeling disconnected from him right now. Nothing like this has ever happened before, I mean, we all sort of found each other on one of our deathbeds, and I can't relate to what he's going through right now, watching you do all that human stuff and not being able to do it with you. If I didn't have Rosie I don't know what I'd do."

"It's fine." Bella told him. "I'm sorry I hurt your brother, really, but I've got to do what's best for Sarah Renee."

"Are you sure you are?" Emmett asked her. "I mean raising her alone? Edward would be such a great dad. I mean, you were like my little sister for a while back then, I really thought that the two of you would actually impossibly last."

"Well he's the one that stopped that from happening." Bella reminded him.

"Is this guy bothering you Lydia?" Johnny chose this moment to come back from the toilets.

"No, he's just one of the guys from the college." Bella told him. "See you around Emmett."

"Bye Lydia." Emmett said, with some small irony. "Oh, and cute outfit." His grin widened. "Really brings out the ears."

"Shut up." Bella coloured and walked off with Johnny to the sound of Emmett's familiar booming laugh.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_She's gone east. _Jasper told Edward through his thoughts. Edward nodded. They'd been tracking Victoria for two days solidly and they'd caught her fresh scent at last. Edward's phone rang as they skimmed through the trees following the scent. It was Alice.

"I had another vision." Alice told him. "She found Bella because she'd been watching us, and she plans to kill her the day before Christmas Eve in her apartment. I can see her decision quite clearly, but not what actually happens." Alice looked frustrated. "It's never been like this before, I can see what Victoria's intending to do, but that's because she doesn't know about Sarah Renee, but in the actual situation I have no clue."

"The day before Christmas Eve is tomorrow." Edward said.

"I know." Alice sounded upset. "But it will be night time at the apartment so we can be there and make sure that it doesn't happen." Jasper was listening in on the phone call a few feet away.

"No." Edward said. "We finish this now."

"Edward." Jasper cut in. "If we wait we can plan, be at our strongest and be sure of winning."

"You're suggesting using Bella as bait?" Edward's voice was high with suppressed anger. "You know my answer."

"She won't even know." Jasper told him. "We just have to be outside, we already know that there are only three ways into Bella's apartment and seven of us. There is no danger to Bella."

"You're right." Edward said, not liking it. "Fine, but tomorrow, Victoria dies."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry for the long update, I was busy working on What Doesn't Kill You, which I'm enjoying writing. Without further ado – next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella and Sarah Renee were decorating their little Christmas tree when there was a knock on the door. Bella went to answer it and found Esme standing in the corridor.

"Hi Bella." Esme smiled at her. "I hear you've been having a rough time and I just came to see if you were alright."

Bella pulled her into a hug, her presence unexpectedly bringing tears to her eyes in a way that none of the rest of the Cullens had so far, even Edward. Esme gently placed her hands on Bella's back.

"It's okay, darling, I know." She cooed in her ear.

"Would you like to come in?" Bella asked. Esme smiled and nodded. Bella lead her into the little main room of the flat, where Sarah Renee was watching them. "Sarah, this is Esme, she's a friend on mummy's."

"Hi." Sarah Renee said to her.

"Hello sweetheart." Esme smiled down at the little child and sat down on the sofa in front of her. "What are you doing?"

"Decorating a tree." Sarah Renee told her. "Not a real tree though."

"Well it looks like fun. Can I join in?" Esme picked up a bauble and she and Sarah Renee finished decorating it together.

Some of the constant panic that pervaded Bella was calmed at the sight of Esme, a woman she once thought of as a mother figure. She felt protected by her very presence in the little flat in a way that she probably had no right to be.

"Come on, Sarah Renee, it's time for bed now." Bella told her. "You've got a long day tomorrow, we're seeing Santa." She picked up Sarah Renee. "Sorry, Esme, I'll be back in a second, but it really is time."

"Children all need a routine." Esme nodded, and smiled at Bella. "It's alright, Bella, you go on, I'll be here when you're finished caring for your child."

"Okay." Bella smiled. She took Sarah Renee into the bathroom, where she had drawn a bath and was letting it cool a bit before bathing her daughter. The process took about 10 minutes, and after that she took her into her bedroom, dressed her, dried her hair and put her into bed. She flicked on Sarah Renee's nightlight and switched off the main light, so the little room was flooded with purple light.

"Do you want a bedtime story tonight?" Bella asked.

"Uh huh." Sarah Renee said. "Jack."

"Alright." Bella picked up Jack and the Beanstalk and read it to Sarah Renee until she fell asleep, which was quite quickly. She turned to see Esme watching them at the doorway with a concerned look in her eye. She tucked Sarah Renee in, kissed her on the forehead, and then followed Esme out into the tiny living room.

"I just want you to know." Esme started as they sat on the sofa. "I'm not here to plead Edward's case, I know better than any of them how having a child affects your whole life. I just wanted you to know that, completely excluding Edward from the whole situation, I'm here for you. You probably know this, but I was a mother before I was changed, and now some of my only human memories involve my son." Her eyes took on a faraway look, but she came back quickly. "Edward has had nothing to do with children even as a human and Alice doesn't even remember her human life, so they have no idea what they are really doing, but I know what you are going through." She smiled and took Bella's hand, and Bella smiled back at her.

"Thank you, Esme."

"It's nothing at all, Bella, I've always thought of you as a daughter, even if only because of what you did for my Edward." She smiled. "I'm sorry, it's your choice, you're lucky to have it and it's your right to make it, but you brought him out of his shell. You know that I was changed after Edward, and for a long time it was just the three of us, and Carlisle and I worried for him, an adult in a child's body. He was too serious and never seemed to be happy, just…serious. That's why Carlisle changed Rosalie, thinking that maybe that would help him to open up, but we all know what happened there…but it wasn't until you that he really began experiencing life, and for helping him to open up, you will always have my love, no matter what."

"Thanks." Bella was getting a little tired of the Cullen's and their obsession with her previous relationship with Edward.

"Sorry, I didn't mean…anyway, tell me about Sarah Renee, I know you must have questions about raising children."

Esme stayed until late in the night, discussing illness and all the little things that Bella had been worried about. She was relieved to find out that she was doing a good job and that Sarah Renee looked healthy.

"But Bella, how old is Sarah Renee?" Esme asked, a little tight quality to her voice.

"She'll be two in a month." Bella told her, and Esme's eyes narrowed.

"She's not even two and she's talking in complete sentences? She seems a lot older."

"I know." Bella said, her heart accelerating. She'd noticed. Sarah Renee had always grown quickly, much faster than her friends, and she'd noticed that Sarah Renee was a lot smarter, or just more developed. She tried really hard not to think about it, and about whether the consequences were something supernatural or odd at all.

"It runs in her father's family." Bella told her. "You know sudden, large growth spurts." _When vampires are around. _She added silently. "It's normal, I'm sure."

"It must be hard to keep her clothed." Esme talked of Bella's main annoyance in life.

"Yeah, well, I cope." Bella said, suddenly very defensive. "She never leaves the house naked, so I guess I'm doing okay."

"Bella, this isn't normal for a human." Esme said. "She's closer to four than two."

"Well, it's not definitely not normal for a vampire to grow at all so I don't see why it's any of your business." Bella snapped. "She's a Black, and that is the exact opposite of a Cullen, she will never be a Cullen and that's why I've been trying to convince you all just to butt out." Bella started to rant, her worst fears confirmed. "What did you all think was going to happen? She's from La Push! You're acting like it's a surprise she's bigger than normal kids, her father grew two foot in like a month!"

"Bella, I'm sorry, I was just trying to…"

"It doesn't matter Esme." Bella sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, I love you too, but you've got to see I'm caught in the middle here. Even if I ran away from her father I have to respect her heritage, and her people, who wanted you nowhere near their people, and that means her too.

"Please, I will always love all of you but whilst I have her I'm on their side and I just want to be left alone."

"I understand Bella. I didn't realise it was like that." Esme stood up, checking her phone. "I'll leave now. I'm sorry that you feel that way, we're all just worried about you."

"I am twenty two years old, and if my flighty mother can raise a child at this age then I'm pretty sure I can. Sure, we don't have a lot of money but we are fine and it's really getting to me that none of seem to have faith in me! Two years I've raised her on my own and I think I'm doing pretty well!"

"I'm sorry, Bella, I'll leave." Esme slunk out of the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Cullens stood outside Bella's apartment arguing.

"We need Alice's visions and Bella can tell when she gets them." Edward said firmly.

"Well I'm not going in." Emmett raised his hands. "I tailed Bella for two days straight hanging out at that stupid mall bored out of my mind keeping her safe, whilst you and Jasper had all the fun. There's no way I'm missing out on the action." Edward turned to Rosalie.

"Yeah, because me turning up on her doorstep is going to seem completely natural." Rosalie scoffed. "Hi, I've made no secret that I don't want you in my life, please let me help my family force our way into yours!" Edward scowled at her. Rosalie was completely opposed to the idea of Bella and what she called her 'little mongrel' being in their lives, and Edward was even more annoyed because he knew that it was partly because she was jealous of Bella being a mother, when Rosalie had almost come to accept her becoming a vampire. She'd agreed to turn up tonight just because she wanted to protect her family, nothing else, and she'd made a point of making sure everyone knew that.

"I'll go." Esme said. "I wanted to talk to Bella anyway. About baby stuff." She said when Edward made a face. "Bella's choice is just that."

"Yeah, well, you'll be the only one that manages to not to push her further away." Edward glowered at Emmett and Alice, who both looked a little shamefaced. "Let's just do this." Esme ran off into the building.

It was easy and over in less than an hour. There were six of them and they knew where she was coming from, and she wasn't prepared for them. Edward emotionlessly tore her apart as Emmett held her, even though her thoughts were begging him not to in the end. He didn't care, it was almost too easy. Nothing was going to hurt Bella ever again.

"Set the fire in the woods, somewhere Bella won't see it." Edward told them, and flipped his phone open, texting Esme to say all was safe. A few minutes passed by and his mother was standing next to him, a look of shame on her face.

"I'm sorry Edward, she's told me that none of us are to see her again." Esme told him.

"What? Why?" Edward asked. Esme's thoughts were too jumbled to read properly, and irritation took over him, what was Bella's problem?

"I saw Sarah Renee, she'd far too big for her age, and Bella said something about the growth spurts being a Black family heritage." Esme looked as if she would be crying. "I'm pretty sure that Sarah Renee is turning into a werewolf, and when I mentioned it to her she hit the roof. She's serious this time."

"Sarah Renee is becoming a werewolf?" Edward was incredulous and then he shut his eyes. "That settles it, I've been playing her game for long enough. Tell everyone thanks and to go home, I'm settling everything tonight."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry for the long update time…I've been writing my other fanfic What Doesn't Kill You…also I've been finishing my degree…heh..**

**Hope you enjoy.**

_Chapter Nineteen_

Bella stood in the doorway of Sarah Renee's little room, her hand gripping the doorframe as she watched her little daughter sleep quietly. The panic was in full swing now, her fears were confirmed and there was something wrong with her perfect little girl.

Subconsciously, she'd known all along that there was something wrong with her. She grew up too quickly, but Bella had been so preoccupied on coping that she hadn't noticed. She had had her head down and kept her mind on what she needed to do, not the big picture. Clothes for Sarah Renee were her biggest expenditure, sometimes she grew out of them by the end of the week, but Bella had fooled herself into thinking that was just normal baby stuff.

She pressed her hand to Sarah Renee's forehead. She was normal temperature for a human, whereas werewolves were usually hot, from which Bella took some hope from in her depression. Perhaps she was just too young to start to phase yet, but that didn't solve the problem, it just maybe gave her some time before she actually had to deal with this.

What if she started accelerating? Would they have to move? Would they become like the Cullens? Moving not before people noticed that they weren't aging, but that Sarah Renee was aging too quickly? How long would it be before Sarah Renee began to phase and how could Bella possibly begin to deal with that? Would she get the temper and the strength?

She should have been expecting this; in hindsight it was so obvious. Sarah Renee had in her the blood of Jacob Black, the reserve's true Alpha, and she'd been interacting with vampires, which were the catalyst for the transformation. It was just a case of putting two and two together but Bella had missed it in her shock.

But Sarah Renee was too young, most of the boys on the reserve were at least teenagers, and Sarah Renee wasn't even out of nappies yet. She hadn't spent all that much time with the vampires, for it to be so accelerated Bella guessed she'd have to be with the Cullens everyday.

In her reverie she didn't noticed that her presence had woken Sarah Renee.

"Edward?" Sarah Renee awoke, completely calm.

"No honey. It's mummy." Bella said, her forehead wrinkling. "Why did you think it was Edward?"

"Is Edward my daddy?" Sarah Renee suddenly asked.

"No." Bella told her. "Why would you think Edward was your daddy, he's just a friend of mummy's."

"Dylan said that everyone has a daddy." Sarah Renee told her. "He said his daddy reads to him when he wakes up at night, and Edward reads to me."

"Does he?" Bella asked.

"Uh huh. Every night, and he strokes my hair until I fall asleep too." Sarah Renee yawned and began to hum that little song that Edward and she were singing in the supermarket.

"Go to sleep, baby." Bella hummed a different lullaby until she heard her child's soft breathing level out and knew she was asleep again. There was a knock at the door at the very moment that Sarah Renee fell completely asleep. Bella got up and answered it, already knowing at least the species of her caller.

"So, been keeping something from me?" Edward said, stalking into the room without waiting for an invite. He looked positively pissed as he paced the room and then went to stand in front of her, glaring at her with his hands in his hair.

"If I have it makes two of us." Bella accused, not being drawn in by the theatrics. "I should call the police right now."

"This isn't the time." Edward told her, dismissing her threat. "I've been respecting your wishes, staying away from you and your child-."

"Liar." Bella laughed at him in her open shock, her voice high and tight. "I know you've been sneaking in here at night. Sarah Renee has just told me of your little slumber parties."

Edward looked like he had the wind knocked out of him. He sank onto Bella's sofa and exhaled loudly.

"I can't do this anymore." Edward told her. "Bella, do you have any idea how much I tried to stay away from you? How on edge I've been ever since I found out you weren't in Forks? I've been driving myself to insanity trying to clear up my mess, trying to fix my mistakes."

"This is not your mistake to fix." Bella altered the volume of her voice quickly to keep from shouting at him and waking up Sarah Renee again. "I'm not your mess, I'm just a girl, like the billions that inhabit this world, how many times do I have to tell you that for you to understand?" She was frantic, but she couldn't ignore how this conversation was making her heart race, how her pulse was beating on her neck, the flush that came to her face. Edward was watching her with an expression that was making her weak at the knees, affecting her emotions in a way that Jasper never could. It was obvious in the look that she was never going to get what she wanted from him, she was too important to him, she got all that and more from that look.

She thought back to her vision in that moment, the carefree existence the two of them had, the way they had just stood on the mountain, and danced under the Eiffel tower. The tender way in which they had made love that the words that had tortured her dreams for years. Words he'd said to her before, in a different life, and words she'd ached for him to say again. _"You are my life now."_

The infinite amount of sadness in his eyes mirrored her own and she almost fell to the floor, sheer will stopping her from stumbling. Edward would catch her before she even fell an inch and the last thing she needed to help her thoughts right now were his arms around her. It was like a floodgate had been opened: she hadn't been coping on her own at all, he'd always been there at night, taking care of Sarah Renee, learning to feed her and probably change her and doing it all just because he loved her, not even for her gratitude, she wasn't even supposed to know. She realised that she wasn't the only one missing out on this future, and he'd probably already planned the trip to Paris, the way he always had planned everything in the past, he'd been expecting to find her in Forks and whisk her away, but it had all gone wrong. Even now, even after he knew what she did and after she'd said everything she'd said, he was still here, taking care of her because he loved her more than anything. She saw things from his perspective now, trying so hard to help her, feeling the exact feelings she felt for her, but she kept pushing him away.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I can't let you be alone any more." It was just a whisper, but it tore at her heart. He was alone too, worried about her, scared for her and wanting her, daughter or no daughter. She realised she didn't want to be alone any more either. Waves of dizziness and confusion hit her, mingling with her own tired nerves, exhausted as she was still quietly freaking out about Sarah Renee. Edward was offering her the way forward, as always he was rescuing her when she needed it the most, he was always there.

She didn't know what was happening but the next thing she knew his arms were around her. His skin was ice cold but hers was burning, and his eyes were practically boring into her skull. His lips found hers and the weakness went away in a fire of passion. He'd never kissed her like this before, but it felt like no time had elapsed since their last kiss. She overreacted, as she always did, pulling him closer by grabbing his hair, but instead of pulling away like he always had before when they got this intense, he reacted by picking her up, his arms tight around her waist, and carrying her into her bedroom, gently laying her on her bedspread and climbing on next to her.

Bella fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, and he sighed against her lips, and then moving his kisses along her jaw and down her neck and back up again. His shirt came off quickly and fell to the floor. Next Bella went for her own top, but she was impeded by Edward, who grabbed her wrists gently and pressed them into the pillow above her head, never breaking the kiss. He was on top of her now, carefully making sure that none of his weight was on her, but pressing his skin to hers.

The sensations of hot and cold were pulsing through Bella, and her desire was rough and heavy, in a way that she'd never felt before, even though her experience was severely limited. She struggled against his grip, trying to touch his bare chest, and her hips bucked with the overpowering desire, but Edward remained strong, kissing her with an urgency but not allowing it to go further. Suddenly another emotion started coursing through her, and she realised she had started crying, tears were leaking from her eyes and transferred themselves onto Edward's cheeks. He froze, and so did she, even though the wretched tears did not stop coming. He pulled away from her, watching her with shocked and horrified eyes.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Nothing." Bella whispered, her voice cracking. "I'm just so happy."

His eyes melted again into a completely different emotion, and slowly, he lay back down, not kissing her, but he pulled her into his chest, and neither of them spoke. Slowly, Bella cried herself to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Okay, I'm going to try and update this regularly. The chapter was a little shorter than I would usually write but I wanted to give you an update. I'll try and make this one a little bit longer.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

_Chapter Twenty_

Bella woke to find herself alone in her bed and she sat up with a start, remembering what had happened and casting around for any signs that Edward was still there. The usual panic intensified with the fear that her unexpected crying had scared Edward away once and for all. She had just accepted that she needed help, and she needed him, would he really run away again? When he finally had gotten everything he wanted? What was she going to do?

Her depressed musings were interrupted by a small dark haired girl running into the room.

"Mummy!" Sarah Renee climbed up on the bed and the occurrence felt strange but joyful. She realised it had never happened before because she was the only one who had ever been around to get Sarah Renee out of her crib before. She looked up to see Edward leaning on the doorframe smiling at her. His crooked smile dispersed the rest of her panic, relief spreading through her as she just stared at him. She noticed that he was still wearing the same clothes he had been wearing the night before, all rumpled and his hair was all messed up: he hadn't even left to change his clothes whilst she was asleep like he used to in Forks. She couldn't help but notice how devastatingly handsome he was, even given the clothing and the messed up hair. "You're awake sleepyhead." Sarah Renee giggled, and Bella jumped, realised she was staring.

Bella threw her arms around her daughter and kissed her hair, pulling her close to hide the deep blush that spread over her cheeks at her obvious staring.

"I'm up." She told her daughter, who snuggled into her.

"Hey." Edward said, his smile never faltering, not mentioning the prolonged eyeballing that Bella had given him, although she could hear the amusement in his voice even in that one word. Even his voice made her heart thump harder.

"Hi." Bella mumbled into Sarah Renee's hair.

"Sorry, Sarah Renee woke up about half an hour ago, we've been watching Power Rangers." Edward told her.

"Yeah!" Sarah Renee said. "Edward's the red ranger and I'm pink you can be yellow." Sarah Renee offered generously.

"Alright." Bella said, and climbed out of bed. She was also still wearing her clothes from the night before, luckily she had been wearing sweats when Edward dropped by.

"So what's the plan for today?" Edward asked. Bella narrowed her eyes at him and he nodded, an exchange unnoticed by the child but conveying a lot of meaning: there was still a lot to talk about, but it would wait for later.

"Well, I've got to get Sarah Renee ready, she's got to go to Dylan's for the day, and I've got to work."

"On Christmas eve?" Edward was horrified. Bella nodded.

"Of course! That's when Santa needs his elves most of all!" She told him, and shook her head. "I still can't believe Alice blabbed."

"Santa's elf? Is that your job?" Edward's eyes were wide with mirth and shock.

"You didn't know? I felt for sure when I saw Emmett at the mall that you'd be the first to know." Bella was surprised.

"No, I knew." Edward admitted. "But I was going to pretend I didn't until the end of time unless you brought it up."

"Very admirable." Bella told him. "But I have to get us ready now." Edward touched her arm, and moved in for a kiss, but Bella warned him off and looked at Sarah Renee, who was watching them from the bed.

"Come on tiger." Edward held his arms out to Sarah Renee and she jumped into them, each of them comfortable with the embrace as Edward lifted the tiny weight and shifted her onto his hip. "Lets go and finish watching the video whilst mummy has some human minutes." He carried the child out of the room.

Bella went to the bathroom, enjoying the idea of actually having some time to herself in the morning. She grabbed a towel from the cupboard and stripped off her clothes, throwing them into the laundry basket. Wrapped in the towel she opened the door just a crack, pressing her eye to it, not getting over how good Edward was with Sarah Renee. She was sitting next to him on the sofa, bouncing and making laser and explosion noises and flailing her arms in the air. She was never that animated in the mornings, she was always so serious with Bella. Bella realised that it was probably because they were always rushing in the mornings, getting ready for the day, and Sarah Renee knew that Bella didn't have the time to play with her and never complained, and with Edward around there was more time for Sarah Renee to play. A feeling of deep gratitude, guilt and pity washed over Bella as she realised that she hadn't been giving Sarah Renee everything she needed, that she'd been practically forced to grow up mentally as quickly as she had physically, and more than ever she felt happy that Edward was here, and that now she will get everything she ever deserved.

Feeling more relaxed, she got into the shower, letting the warm water rush over her and letting herself really feel it. Ten minutes later she walked back into the living room wearing a dressing gown. Edward looked up at her with a smile, then it dropped and he looked away. Bella frowned and made for her bedroom, drying her hair and changing, wondering what that was about. She checked over her uniform to see it was ready to go and then returned to the living room to see to her child.

"Your turn." She held her hands for her child, who ran over and followed her into the littlest room of the flat. She dressed the little girl, who chattered away about the Power Rangers. She was unusually joyful, and Bella was pleased to see her usually sombre child in a good mood. As soon as she was done, Sarah Renee ran out of the room and back into Edward's lap where he sat on the sofa, seemingly engrossed in the Power Rangers.

"These guys are really cool." Edward told Sarah Renee, who nodded at him seriously.

"They have robots!" Sarah Renee was still in chatter mode. "They are cool. I saw some robots at mummy's work"

"Did you?" Edward asked her, his smile reaching his eyes. It was a different smile to the one he reserved for Bella, but she could see that there was inexplicably love in the expression. He loved Sarah Renee. "That's so cool!"

"Uh huh." Sarah Renee told him, her eyes wide. Bella glanced at her little clock. She still had a load of time before she had to drop Sarah Renee off at Dylan's.

Bella left the two to their incredibly important conversation and wandered into the kitchen, fixing up pancakes and syrup, which was hers and Sarah Renee's favourite. She hummed to herself quietly, and caught Edward staring at her after a while, Sarah Renee still kneeling on his lap chattering about robots and how she climbed in one and it transformed, typical par for the course child chatter. She smiled at him as she realised she was humming her lullaby, and of course he heard it. He grinned back and then began to tickle Sarah Renee who was miming how she "killeded" a monster that tried to attack her in the robot. Sarah Renee began squealing and laughing and trying to kick him.

"Breakfast!" Bella called, and Edward picked Sarah Renee up and slung her over his shoulder, and she squealed and giggled. He set her down in her chair and she picked up her plastic spoon expectantly. The phone began to ring and Bella set down Sarah Renee's plate and went to answer it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edward felt elated as he watched Bella sleep. It had been quite confusing that she'd cried herself to sleep, but he decided to take that at face value, he didn't think his nerves could take any other reason right now. He knew that the fact that they'd kissed and he'd stayed over, well stayed over and she knew about it didn't mean that they were back together. He knew she was in shock and confused, and prone to changing her mind now, but it was a start. He knew that they had a lot more to talk about, and he smiled as he thought about how much easier it had been the first time when neither of them knew what they were really doing. Ignorance was bliss.

He worried for a few seconds that the crying had meant that she had noticed the reaction – it had surprised him as well. When she had tried to take off her shirt he'd felt a wave of intense anger as he remembered images of her topless that he'd never seen with his own eyes. He'd stopped her then, trying to cover up the reaction, quickly caging the beast, but it was soon after that that she began to cry.

She was murmuring in her sleep, speaking his and Sarah Renee's names and smiling, the usual, and he gently extracted himself from under her and went to sit on the floor resting his head on the wall. He knew that this was going to happen, and he guessed now was the time to start worrying about it, now it was even a possibility. He hadn't let himself think about it before, when he was just watching her sleep, he couldn't handle the thought of it then, but now he was going to have to deal with this.

Emmett had explained it to him, and Edward always assumed it was just to provoke him out of his stupor after he found out that Bella had slept with Jacob, but now he could see that Emmett was trying to warn him too. He'd told him that when a girl had been…liberated…he'd put it, when a girl experiences sex, she expects it from every guy they get close to. Emmett told Edward that if he got together with Bella he was going to have to deal with no small amount of pressure to have sex with her. Her hormones had been released now and they were going to swell at any given opportunity and (this is the part where Edward thought that Emmett was just trying to get some life into him) he wouldn't be surprised if when he found her she was banging some other guy.

He wasn't ready yet, he could kill her so easily with hardly any effort, and the thought of it made him angry. The change in the dynamics of their relationship was almost painful to consider. He knew that he hadn't forgiven Jacob for it yet, he knew that Jacob knew full well that Bella was still in love with Edward, but had gone for it anyway, taking advantage. His reaction told him that he hadn't quite forgiven Bella for it either. The anger at having done this, having made this huge step without him and seemingly unconsciously thinking he'll just go along with it, like just because she was ready all the other stuff didn't matter. He knew he had no right to be angry for it, he had left her and at the time he thought he wasn't coming back, he wanted her to move on. He'd gotten over the betrayal, and he guessed he couldn't be angry at Jacob, who doesn't even know he's a father, but the idea of this life changing event happening in Bella's life, that another man had taken his rightful position as her first…it was intolerable, unthinkable, a fact that he'd been pushing away until her actions last night, until she expected it from him.

He felt like an incredibly naïve seventeen year old teenager. He felt like the virgin schoolboy having an affair with the incredibly beautiful and experienced school teacher that they both sort of were, but not at the same time. He pressed his knuckles to his forehead as he pondered the predicament, about how he was going to have to deal with this, about whether there was a solution. Bella wasn't the awkward teen he'd left in Forks, she was an adult now, and she was going to need an adult relationship. He knew from all this that there was no way he could live without her, that he _had _to be the one to give her this, so he was going to have to find a way to deal with it.

Some noises from the other room broke him from his pained, circular thoughts. He threw his shirt back on and wandered into Sarah Renee's room a few minutes after she woke up. She seemed pleased to see him, and he picked her up, carrying her back into the living room.

"It's morning!" Sarah Renee exclaimed. Edward nodded and grinned. Sarah Renee had often asked him if he would stay until morning and he'd always answered 'maybe one day' and she seemed elated that day was today. Her thoughts were focused on his appearance, comparing his rumpled shirt to his usual immaculate clothing, thinking of a time when 'uncle Jon Jon' had slept on the sofa after an argument with auntie Sophie a few months ago, and wondering whether he had slept on the sofa too, so perceptive and observant, exactly like her mother.

"Yeah but mummy's asleep so let's be quiet."

"Okay!" Sarah Renee said in a theatrical whisper, and ran over to TV. "Let's watch Power Rangers!" She put the video into the small video combi in the corner of the room and grabbed the remote, pressing play. Edward sat on the sofa and Sarah Renee ran over and climbed up next to him. Sarah Renee began to sing along to the theme tune, and it amused Edward so much that he forgot to wallow in self pity and regret over Bella.

"Go go Power Rangers! Woah!" Sarah Renee was head-banging and everything. Edward laughed. So like her mother, but with an enthusiasm that could only have come from one person. He couldn't even feel the jealousy that usually came from recognising Jacob in this perfect little enigma. It was one of his greatest fears that if he and Bella were together that one day she would want children, something he would never be able to give her, which until recently had only added to his anger at the boy, but now that it seemed Bella would accept him back, he could only feel grateful. That this had all seemed to work out for the best, apart from the one problem.

"You can be the red ranger." Sarah Renee told him, breaking his reverie once again. "I'm pink. She's a girl."

"Alright." Edward agreed. Sarah Renee bounced up and down on the sofa, saying the words before they were said, and Edward wondered just how many times this little girl had seen this video. It was quite violent, but Edward guessed that it was Sarah Renee's wolf side that was enjoying that. He looked at her again, reassessing her, seeing that she wasn't kneeling but her hands were placed in front of her, in a sort of crouched position, like she was ready to spring. He took this information stoically, and reminded himself to keep an eye on Sarah Renee's behaviour from now on, so as better to deal with her later on.

They both heard Bella's gentle stirrings and Edward noticed again that Sarah Renee heard it at about the same time he did, a noise that she should have missed. He marvelled at how much he'd missed, how focused he had been on Bella, how naïve about children he had really been. No longer, Sarah Renee was going to the centre of many of his observations now. She was definitely different to other humans.

That settled it completely: he was staying here. As long as Bella was going to have a normal human life he would have stayed out but there was no way she was going to now, not with a werewolf daughter. He stayed away from them for months at a time, but no longer. Sarah Renee is going to need someone around who is as fast and strong as she will be, to keep her centred, and for as long as it made sense, that would be Edward.

He wandered into the room and watched as Sarah Renee scrambled onto the bed. Bella seemed surprised that he was still there, and her eyes seemed stuck to him. He stayed still, allowing her to take in his presence, getting used to the idea that he was going to be there, because he wasn't going to go anywhere, ever again.

"So, what's the plan for today?" He asked, trying to reaffirm the idea that he was going to be around. She shot him a look and he nodded, but couldn't help but grin. There were problems but they would work themselves out.

That morning things progressed sort of normally. Edward was horrified to find out that Bella had to work Christmas Eve, and vowed it was the last time she ever had to do that. Bella did her usual thing, she hadn't really changed much since Forks in that way, and she was humming her lullaby most of the time, which made Edward smile, gave him a little bit of hope. Perhaps those tears really had been happy tears.

There was a second when she had come out of the bathroom in a dressing gown, her hair wet, and suddenly Jacob's memory came back to him and he quickly looked away, his jaw locked as he tried to cage the beast again. She came out of the room humming her lullaby again and it calmed him again.

The phone rang, and Edward could hear both sides of the conversation. Bella was upset, and hung up the phone.

"Something wrong?" Edward asked, even though he already knew.

"Yeah, Dylan's sick, that was his dad. He's in the hospital." Her forehead was wrinkled with worry. "It's awful, I really hope he will be alright."

"Wasn't Sarah Renee supposed to go round there today?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, that's what the phone call was about." Bella told him, still lost in her worry for the little boy. Edward remembered him, he was Sarah Renee's friend from playschool, a cute kid with sandy coloured hair. "I wonder if Sophie will have her for the day. I can't miss work today, I'm the only elf."

"I'll take her." Edward said quickly.

"Are you sure?" Bella narrowed her eyes. "She's not easy to look after."

"I'll take her to my house, Alice, Rosalie and Esme can help." Edward shrugged. "Alice will love it, she's decorating for you guys to come round tomorrow anyway." Plus it would be a good way to prove this can work, he thought to himself. He knew that if anything went wrong Alice would see.

"Tomorrow?" Bella was surprised.

"Yeah, Christmas?" Edward smiled. "She's going overboard. She's learnt to cook, she's cooking a whole turkey for the two of you. I hope you're going to be hungry." As if in response, Bella's stomach growled. Edward suppressed a smile, he'd noticed that she'd eaten the absolute minimum amount of food she could whilst still calling it a meal for breakfast. He thought of the fully stocked fridge going to waste at his and he promised himself that she wasn't going to live this way any longer. "She told me she got your permission."

"I told her that she could give Sarah Renee a present." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Well, I think she's planning to give it to her at our house." Edward nodded. "Am I allowed to get you a present?"

"Me?" Bella frowned. "I don't know. Sarah Renee, sure, she deserves the fuss, me?"

"What if I promise to spend no money on it?" Edward asked her. "Or if it was practical?"

"Fine." Bella agreed, she turned to Sarah Renee. "Sweetie? Do you want to spend the day with Edward?"

"Can I?" Sarah Renee was excited. Bella nodded. "Yeah!" She ran over to him and he lifted her into his arms.

"Alright, I'll just pack your bag." Bella told her.

"Um, Bella?" Edward said, cursing himself as he thought of it.

"Yeah?"

"I don't have my car. Can you give me half an hour and I'll drive you to work?" Edward inwardly cringed. Emmett had driven last night, when they had fought Victoria. Bella was going to find this suspicious.

"I don't need a lift: Johnny takes me, but you'll need to take Sarah Renee in the car." Bella told him, she didn't look happy.

"Alright." Edward said, hoping to get out before the questions started. "I'll be back."

"How did you get here last night?" Bella asked him. "Did you run?"

"No." He decided the best idea was not to lie to her. "I came in Emmett's jeep." Edward told her.

"And where is that now?" Bella asked.

"Where ever Emmett drove to after leaving here?" Edward told her. "I really wasn't expecting to call round yesterday, Bella."

"Why were you here anyway then?" Bella asked. "If you weren't expecting to drop round then why were you, and Emmett and Esme even here?" He let out a little bit of air, of course she would make the connection with Esme too. "In fact, why have your family just been everywhere recently? Do you really not trust me with my own child that much?"

"Of course I trust you with Sarah Renee." Edward was surprised at his conclusion. "I will explain." Edward told her. "But I don't want you to be late. Later tonight?"

"Alright, we've got a lot to talk about tonight, though." Bella told him. Edward nodded. "Go."

Edward passed Sarah Renee to Bella, and headed out the door.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Wow, in another break from writing my dissertation and I did another chapter of one of my fanfics! I just can't seem to drag myself away from my computer...oh well, my psychosis is your gain. Enjoy and review! Lift me from my mental fugue and perchance you'll get another such chapter for your enjoyment.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

Bella had Sarah Renee completely ready to go and had just finished writing instructions for her when she heard Edward arrive back. She still wasn't sure whether this was a good idea but she didn't really have a choice now. It was this or getting the day off of work, which she couldn't afford.

"Hey." Edward said as he walked in the door that Bella left open for him, wearing a fresh set of clothes. Alice was with him, her eyes sparkling. Bella went for Sarah Renee's bag to find Edward already holding it, and she could see how plainly excited he was at the idea of having the girl for the day, and that was making him less careful of keeping to a human pace in his eagerness.

"Hey Bella." Alice look positively gleeful. Bella smiled at her and was pulled into a crushing hug. "The world makes sense again." Alice sighed.

"Alice!" Edward warned her, and she backed off, springing away from Bella and smiling apologetically at her.

"It's alright, Bella." Alice told her. "I wanted to come and put your mind at ease, nothing bad is going to happen today with Sarah Renee."

"Okay." Bella nodded. To be honest she had been a little worried, any mother would be at the prospect of leaving her child with a load of vampires for the day. Bella grinned at the idea of Emmett changing a nappy, or Jasper trying to calm a screaming child by bouncing it on his hip. Actually...Jasper would probably be quite good at that...

"Also we're going to take Sarah Renee to see Father Christmas, if that's alright." Alice told her. "We'll be in the mall anyway."

"Why?" Bella asked suspiciously.

"Christmas shopping." Alice told her innocently. "Esme and Rosalie and really excited about today too." Bella smiled. She knew that Esme would be and wasn't really surprised that Rosalie was happy about spending the day with a child.

"Right." Bella replied. "For what exactly?"

Alice grabbed Bella's arm and jumped up and down. "You said I could buy her things! You can't take that back now! I've never ever gone baby stuff shopping before! You can't take this away from me now!"

"Fine." Bella agreed with her. "But nothing for me."

"Only practical presents." Edward reminded her, his face impassive.

"That's right." Bella replied slowly, inspecting him, but he gave nothing away. She looked up at the clock and saw it was time and that Johnny was probably going to be waiting for her. "Let's go." Alice and Edward collected up pretty much anything they thought they were going to need, which included quite a few toys, Edward carrying Sarah Renee. They walked down the stairs, looking so much more graceful than Bella ever could whilst carrying that much stuff.

Johnny was waiting for Bella at the bottom of the stairs and looked positively shocked to find two incredibly good looking teenagers coming out of Bella's flat early in the morning, the guy carrying Sarah Renee. Bella watched him suspiciously, as there was a little too much theatrics in his shock for her liking. She looked up to Edward for hints in Johnny's thoughts, but Edward gave none away as he smiled at the man at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi Johnny." Bella said. "Sorry I'm a little late. This is Edward and his sister Alice." She indicated them. "This is Johnny." She told them. "Dylan's sick and Edward and Alice are old friends who offered to take Sarah Renee for the day for me."

"Oh, okay." Johnny still looked surprised, but blinked a bit and then smiled. "Hello, thanks of taking the rugrat, it's really helping Lydia out."

"That's okay." Alice told him. "It's good practice."

"Oh, are you planning to have children?" Johnny asked, his forehead wrinkling.

"No, for when Bella and…"

"Alice is thinking of opening a nursery." Edward cut in quickly, his face neutral.

"Oh, that's nice, maybe my little one will go to it, eh?" Johnny laughed. "See how you get on with little Sarah Renee first though?" He laughed at his own joke again, obviously a little nervous. Bella wasn't surprised. The Cullens could do that to unsuspecting humans.

"We'd better go." Bella said, looking from Edward to Alice, trying to decide what just happened. "Thanks again for this, Edward."

"It's no problem." He told her. "I want to." They looked at each other for a second, and then Bella broke the contact. Johnny was looking pleased.

"We'll come and see you at lunch." Alice told her. "Goodbye...Lydia." There was the slightest of frowns on her face as she said it, and Bella knew it was for her eyes only, as Johnny was still watching Edward and Sarah Renee.

"Okay." Bella said. Edward leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, and Bella kissed Sarah Renee goodbye, ignoring Edward's kiss. She then turned and got into Johnny's car.

"So." Johnny's face was split into a huge grin. "Someone has something she hasn't been telling some people." His smile faded as he tried to work out what he just said, as she was.

"You're such an idiot sometimes." Bella couldn't help but smile herself, though.

"What's been happening with you, single mother Lydia Raine?" Johnny teased. "What's beefcake and his sister doing early in the morning at your house?"

"Beefcake?" Bella laughed at his teasing. "Are you sure you're married with a kid on the way?"

"That doesn't answer my question."

"They came to pick up Sarah Renee for me."

"Nah ah." Johnny shook his head, grinning wider. "I was awake this morning; he left on his own and then came back with the sister later. He spent the night."

"So what if he did?" Bella looked over at Johnny, and then they both started laughing.

"So who is he? How long have you known him? Is he a student at the college?" Johnny was gushing and Bella shook her head. Sophie had really brushed off on him.

"He's Edward. He is a student at the college and I've known him for about four years."

Johnny's eyebrows knotted as he took in that last fact.

"What? He's from your mysterious past?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, he's my ex boyfriend, he found me."

"But he's not…"

"No, he's not Sarah Renee's father." Bella told him. "That was another guy…Edward and I had a fight, I guess." She sighed. "Anyway, he left me and I took comfort in a friend…"

"And a child is born!" Johnny laughed. "Wow, the amount of times me and Soph have discussed what happened we never thought about this."

"Yeah." Bella said. "Well, there you are, the mystery is solved."

"Except for one thing." They were at work now, and Johnny got out of the car, going to help her out as well. "Who is Bella?"

Bella swore inwardly, stupid Alice and her talking about things.

"Um, me." She said, not wanting to lie to Johnny anymore. It didn't seem important anymore to keep her identity a secret, she knew that Edward would protect her now if someone came looking for her. "I'm Bella. My real name is Bella." Johnny looked at her with a strange expression.

"Why-"

"My dad is a police chief." Bella nodded. "I knew that if I used my real name anywhere in the country he'd know where I was, and that I had a kid and that I ran away and probably think it was because I was pregnant."

"He'd disapprove." Johnny nodded.

"No, actually, I think he would have been ecstatic for me to have a kid with the father." Bella nodded. "He never really liked Edward anyway, and the father and I are old friends, our dads have had us betrothed for just about forever."

"I see." Johnny shook his head, clearly showing he didn't. "So instead of raising the kid with the father and a supportive family you ran away because…"

"I didn't actually know I was pregnant when I left." Bella told him. "It was…well the conception that made me realise I didn't want any of this, I just wanted Edward." She grinned again. "When I found out, I decided he wouldn't want me anymore, he and the father kind of hate each other, so I decided to change my name, settle in a small town and raise my child the best I can."

"But love won out." Johnny smiled. "He seems like such a natural father, and it's clear he loves you." He took her hand and swung it. "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah." Bella just couldn't keep the smile off of her face. "It is good isn't it? We've got some stuff to work out, but it might work out. We're taking it slow though, I don't want to mess Sarah Renee around."

"I'm happy for you." Johnny told her again. "You deserve it, now go and get changed and I'll meet you at the grotto." They hugged and then both went off to change.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What do you want to do today?" Alice cooed at Sarah Renee as Edward drove towards their house.

"Swings!" Sarah Renee shouted.

"Okay." Alice laughed. "First do you want to meet your auntie Rosalie?"

Edward growled quietly at Alice, warning her off the auntie thing. Sarah Renee shot him a look too, and he remembered that she could probably hear that.

_Shut up, if I want to be her Aunt I will be. _Alice thought at him. Edward rolled his eyes.

"I want to meet Auntie Rosalie!" Sarah Renee pouted at Edward and crossed her arms in a way that was so like Bella that Edward laughed. It was so odd to see her say something that Bella would never say in such a Bella way.

"Okay, we'll pick her and aunt Esme up and go to the park!" Alice promised her and Sarah Renee squealed in excitement. Edward grinned and shook his head. Nothing was going to ruin his mood today.

They arrived to find Rosalie and Esme waiting for them, and they climbed into the car. Edward turned off towards the park. He monitored Rosalie's thoughts as they drove. She was in the front and Esme and Alice were in the back with Sarah Renee. She didn't seem excited about being with the little girl.

They arrived at the swings and Alice helped Sarah Renee out of the car. Instead of running towards the swings, however, she started to approach Rosalie cautiously.

"Are you a friend of my daddy's?" She asked her. Edward cringed.

"Your daddy?" Edward knew Rosalie would have spat the word if Sarah Renee had been older. _That was fast, she's foisting her mongrel bastard on you already?_ Edward would have replied in tones too quiet for a human to hear, just as he did when Bella was around, but he feared how good Sarah Renee's hearing really was, she was already picking up things she couldn't possibly hear with human ears. He just looked pleadingly at Rosalie to be nice, willing her to understand they would discuss it later. "Who is your daddy?"

"Edward is." Sarah Renee said defensively, looking like she wanted to back off but stubbornly holding her ground, so brave, so stupidly brave like her mother. "Mummy told me he isn't but I think he is. My friend Dylan told me…"

"Your friend Dylan?" Rosalie arched an eyebrow. At least Rosalie was talking to the child, instead of keeping the cold distance that Edward knew she had been planning to do. He also knew that she was quite excited about spending time with a child, wanting so much to be a mother. He'd invited her along in the hope that Sarah Renee could win her over, as she had down the rest of the family, even Emmett, who had not even met her.

"Uh huh." Sarah Renee said stubbornly. "He said that I have a daddy and I told him it was just me and mummy but he said that Edward sings me to sleep when I wake up and that means he's my daddy. I like him." She crossed her arms and looked up at Rosalie stubbornly. "Are you his friend too, because I want to be your friend." Edward saw the child was sizing up Rosalie, taking in her pretty blonde hair that looked soft, and saw the girl really did want Rosalie as a friend, but not at the expense of it hurting him. It was such an odd concept for a child so young to have, even he had to keep reminding himself that regardless of her size and the fluency of her speech was wasn't even two yet, and Edward found himself wondering whether Bella could truly think like this, or was this something new.

Edward gauged the moment for a second, and then stepped over to the two stubborn girls and crouched by Sarah Renee. Rosalie was impressed by the little girl, who seemed to be standing up for Edward, obviously noticing the cold shoulder she'd given them all in the car and thinking it was to do with Edward.

"Sarah, this is my sister Rosalie." He told the little girl.

"You're my auntie Rosalie?" Sarah Renee asked Rosalie, arching her eyebrow in almost the exact way Rosalie had. Edward heard Alice giggle and suppressed a smile himself. Sarah turned to Alice and smiled at her, Edward noted the others noticing that Sarah Renee shouldn't have heard the quiet noise. Esme was watching the scene carefully, her sorrowful eyes on the little girl, thinking about how wretched it is that a child so young was going to have such problems, Rosalie was remembering the giggle and Sarah's reaction and coming to the conclusion that Edward had come to in the flat that morning – her hearing was far too good for a human.

_Bella really needs our help with her, doesn't she? She's really going to be…one of them. _Rosalie thought at Edward, watching the girl critically. _She shouldn't have heard that noise._

Edward nodded and looked up at Rosalie, hoping she understood and would help. It would take the whole family united. She watched Sarah Renee again, trying to decide what to do, analysing the pretty child in front of her.

"Yes, I'm your auntie Rosalie." Rosalie crouched down and held her hand out to the child. Sarah Renee took it.

"Cold like daddy." Sarah Renee said to herself, and then hugged Rosalie. "I'm happy we're friends, I like you." She grabbed a bit of Rosalie's hair gently and was happy to find it as soft as she had hoped it would be, and then put it back into place.

Rosalie let out a surprised laugh, and Alice jumped and clapped her hands. Edward knew then that Alice hadn't seen the outcome, Sarah Renee's immunity blocking her visions, and that they were all relying on Rosalie to make the right decision.

"Let's go play on the swings!" Alice exclaimed and Sarah Renee jumped out of Rosalie's arms with an enthusiastic 'yeah!' and suddenly the two of them were running towards the swings, Alice running at a pathetically slow run for a vampire, matching Sarah Renee's little legs. They were both flailing their arms about as they ran, Sarah Renee to keep her balance, and Alice to amuse Sarah Renee, but it looked completely ridiculous and Edward allowed himself a chuckle before turning to Rosalie.

"Thank you." Edward said to her, as she watched the child go.

"I may not be Bella's number one fan, but she is going to need help." Rosalie replied. "I know you and Bella love each other, and it obvious that Sarah Renee loves you, and I guess that is what's important. Bella can't do it alone, and you need her, I know that." She was quiet for a moment, and then turned to Edward with a smile. "Plus she's really cute and I like the idea of auntie Rosalie."

Edward laughed and Esme threw her arms around both of them. After a minute he put his arm around his mother and his sister and walked them slowly to where Alice was pushing Sarah Renee on the swing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was busy all day but it was in a rare quiet moment when the Cullens finally arrived for Sarah Renee to see Santa. Bella's heart thumped harder as she saw Sarah Renee in Edward's arms, her little arms around his neck. She could tell that Sarah Renee had been whispering to him and she worried about what they had been talking about. His eyes found hers and she was dazzled for a second, but shook it off as she guided the last little boy into the grotto with his parents.

"Hey." She said, turning back to the family, her eyes finding Edwards.

"Hi." He said back, his eyes boring into her. Alice was standing next to them, looking from one face to the other, both oblivious to her, until Bella realised and flushed.

"Hey baby." She said, taking Sarah Renee and placing her on the floor. "You had fun with uncle Edward?" She noticed that a look went around the others, but chose to ignore it.

"Yeah, we went on the swings and then we went shopping!" Sarah Renee pointed at her pushchair, which was covered with bags. "I got a pretty dress. It's pink. And a doll." Bella shot a look at Alice, who was grinning.

"You said I could spoil her!" Alice told her. "It's for her, _I_ didn't buy you anything." She looked pointedly at Edward, who grinned.

"You said I could, if it was practical." Edward shrugged and grinned his crooked grin, not Sarah Renee's grin but her one…all hers.

She looked away and tried very hard to keep breathing. It was harder to resist him now that they had kissed again…now that she'd remembered how it felt to be in his arms.

"Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!" Johnny came out of the grotto, holding the curtain for the little boy and his mother. "Hope you get that new video game, Jackson!"

"Thank you Santa!" The little boy ran off clutching a yo-yo, his much harassed looking mother and father smiling at Bella and running after him.

"Well well well, what have we got here?" Johnny let the curtain fall and crouched to Sarah Renee's level. "You're a pretty little girl aren't you?"

"Yeah." Sarah Renee grabbed Edward's trouser leg for protection.

"You looking forward to Christmas?"

"Uh huh." Sarah Renee became a little more animated. "I'm going to spend with Edward, and my aunties and we're going to have jelly and ice cream."

"Ah. You want to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?"

"Okay." Sarah Renee looked around at the waiting adults. "Can Auntie Rosalie come in too?"

Bella was slightly taken back when Rosalie smiled at the girl and took her hand. She would have expected at least a jibe about her ridiculous outfit, which was complete with bells, but Rosalie said nothing, and her eyes hardly left the child, except for a small smile at Bella as Sarah Renee reached for her hand.

"Okay." Johnny looked up in surprised at the runway model who was holding Sarah Renee's hand. "Through the curtain please."

"I want to come!" Alice jumped up and down and followed them through the curtain, Esme followed her as well, looking back at Bella and Edward with happiness and love in her eyes.

"So…" Bella looked around at Edward and saw that he was staring at the curtain and laughing quietly. "What is it?"

"Sarah Renee knows that Santa is just Johnny in a suit. She knew last year as well, but she plays along because it makes you happy and she doesn't want to hurt you." Edward told her, and Bella stared at the curtain in disbelief. "So selfless, so clever, so observant, so like her mother." Bella turned back to find Edward's eyes boring into her. Bella's heart took off again and she swallowed and looked away. She heard Edward's soft laughter and felt his cool hand around hers, pulling her gently towards him. "You look nice in your elf outfit. I saw you in it in Emmett's thoughts before, but it looks better in person."

He didn't try to kiss her, but he pulled her round until they were facing each other, and pulled a little bit of hair out of her eye.

"Yeah, well, it pays the rent." Bella told him.

"Will there ever be a time when you let me pay the rent?" He asked her suddenly.

"Edward…I…"

"No, no." He let go of her hands and held them up to ask her to stop. "We can talk about it later. This is not the time or place." He grinned at her. "I don't want to scar young children. I just want you to know what I am proposing." He smiled at her, and then looked over at the curtain, his brow slightly furrowed. "Alice wants to know whether you and Sarah Renee will stay at ours tonight."

"What?" Bella was slightly shocked. "Edward, I don't know, we only just…"

"She wanted to ask you herself in the capacity of Sarah Renee's aunt, but she's seen that she won't have the opportunity to." Edward pressed a finger to her lips. "You will have your own room and so will Sarah Renee, Esme has already sorted it out. Alice wants Sarah Renee and you to have a real family Christmas. It will give us a chance to talk…away from the children as well. Everyone is really excited about the prospect. Even Emmett and Jasper are planning some big surprise."

Bella thought about it, and how easily Sarah Renee was getting along with the Cullens.

"Okay, I'll come over tonight."

"Perfect." Edward eyes lit up and he grinned at her. He laughed as her heart picked up again and he laughed and kissed her lightly on the nose. "I'll pick you up after work."

At that moment a gaggle of children came running up to Bella screaming "Santa!"

"Back to work." Bella rolled her eyes and smiled at Edward. "I'll see you tonight."

"Okay." Edward stood back and Sarah Renee came running out clutching a Barbie.

"Mummy look what Santa gave me!" Sarah Renee held it up and Bella gasped in mock shock. Remembering what Edward had told her she reached down and hugged her child kissing her hair.

"That's great, Sarah Renee. I've got a surprise for you too. Do you want to stay at Auntie Alice and Rosalie's tonight?"

"Yeah!" Sarah Renee almost shouted.

"Okay." Bella said. "We will, you run along with Edward now and I'll see you later."

"Okay bye mummy." She gave her a clumsy kiss on the cheek and ran up to Edward's waiting arms, showing her present, Edward dutifully inspecting it and confirming how pretty it was. Rosalie, Alice and Esme smiled at Bella.

"See you tonight, it will be fine." Alice told her as they passed, and Bella turned to the screaming horde.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Ha. Another break another update. Sorry about the no reply to reviews, I've got a month left of university and I think you can guess what my life is like at the moment. Your reviews are the only reason I'm updating, giving the stories my precious time because you've convinced me it's worth it. Enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

_Chapter Twenty Two_

Bella was hardly through the door that afternoon before there was a knock and Edward was standing there with Sarah Renee.

"No window anymore?" Bella joked, and Edward smiled at her.

"I didn't think you'd appreciate me scaling the building with your child clinging to my back."

"You're probably right." She let them in and Sarah Renee guided Edward to her room to give him a proper tour of her toys, something she'd not done yet, apparently. She seemed to think he was there for that express purpose and he patiently sat with her, greeting every doll and teddy and remembering its name for the next time he was called upon to interact with it. Bella watched covertly for a bit, enjoying how good Edward was with Sarah Renee, and how naturally he fell into the role of her male role model. Then she walked into her room and found her suitcase, feeling for all the world like she was going on another of Alice's sleepovers and that she was going to have to endure hours of being made over. She hoped that wasn't going to happen, and the fact that she wasn't a teenager anymore and she was a mother, and she hoped this was give her enough dignity to be able to say no to Alice's insistence on plastering on makeup and doing her hair. She was doubtful, however.

Bella packed up hers and Sarah Renee's clothes quickly, and then went to the kitchen to pack up some of Sarah Renee's food and to cook a quick dinner before they left. She was quite anxious that Sarah Renee eat properly and she knew the Cullens weren't perfect when it came to feeding times for the humans. As she was getting out a saucepan to cook up some tinned spaghetti, Edward called out to her.

"Um, actually, Alice and Esme want to cook you dinner tonight." Edward was in the living half of the room, Sarah Renee's hand in his. "If that's alright." He added quickly. "They want to be good hosts, you'll be our first house guest, well, that eats…you know." He glanced down at Sarah Renee, not wanting to give away too much. Bella realised it was possibly a good idea not to tell Sarah Renee that her new aunts and uncles suck the blood of animals. Perhaps eating at theirs might be a good idea.

"Okay, I just need to get her travel cot out and we can go." Bella made for the little cupboard, in which a travel cot Sophie's mother had given her was sitting, having never been used, apart from the night Bella had gotten food poisoning and Sophie and Johnny had had Sarah Renee for the night to make it easier for her. Edward took her hand lightly and stopped her.

"She doesn't need her travel cot." Edward told her. "Esme...well Carlisle and Esme decided to give Sarah Renee a Christmas present from them." Bella pondered on the meaning of this, but decided it wouldn't be a bad thing if it was for her little girl, and nodded.

"Okay then. We're ready to go." She picked up the bag, but Edward took it from her, grabbing Sarah Renee in the other hand. All her baby stuff was already in Edward's car, so it wasn't long before they were on their way to the Cullen household of the North-East.

It was bigger than their house in Forks, which surprised Bella, because their Fork's house had been far too big, even for a large family like theirs. It was in a meadow, pretty much the same set up as before, half the house was covered in glass. Most of the trees were covered in white fairy lights, with the evergreen fir decorated with baubles and other decorations. Edward halted the car in the driveway, and opened Bella's door for her before she even got her seatbelt off, just like in Forks. By the time she got out of the car he was holding Sarah Renee and waiting to take her hand and lead her up to the front door.

The whole family were waiting inside for the three of them to arrive. Alice skipped to Bella's side and kissed her on the cheek, then did the same to Sarah Renee. Esme hugged her and Carlisle walked forward and took her hand, shaking it warmly and placing his other hand over their clasped hands.

"She's grown up well, hasn't she?" Carlisle said to her and winked. Edward's head snapped to them at that comment, but was obviously silenced by something Carlisle thought at him. Edward placed Sarah Renee on the floor so she could explore if she wanted to. She gripped his trouser leg and inspected Carlisle a little nervously, and Carlisle smiled down at her, allowing her to inspect his kindly face and come to a decision about whether she liked him or not.

"This is my little niece?" Emmett practically fell to the floor to meet her, not giving her the space Carlisle had to inspect him in his eagerness.

"Yes, this is your uncle Emmett." Bella told Sarah Renee. She looked around at the assembled family, and saw that they were all there, and no more introductions would be needed.

"Hello." Sarah Renee said very seriously, obviously intimidated by his size.

"It's okay, Sarah Renee." Jasper said to her calmly, obviously feeling her anxiety. "He's just a big teddy bear, see?" He reached over and squeezed Emmett's nose. "Honk honk." Sarah Renee giggled.

"Plus he's really tickly." Alice whispered in her ear, and then sprang on Emmett, tickling him. Emmett laughed helplessly and rolled onto his back, and Rosalie joined in with the torture, attacking his tummy. Bella wondered whether vampires really could be ticklish or whether Emmett was just putting it on for Sarah Renee's amusement, she looked up at Edward who winked at her.

Sarah Renee screamed with laughter and ran forward, attacking him also, and Emmett squealed like a little girl and picked Sarah Renee up, holding her at arm's length above the floor.

"Aeroplane! Stick out your arms like a plane." Sarah Renee giggled and obliged, Emmett made aeroplane noises. "Oh no! Plane crash!" He feinted that he was going to drop her and she screamed, and he saved her at the last second. "Oh…yay! That was close! Fly more carefully!" Sarah Renee laughed again. Bella knew that her daughter was perfectly safe, that there had never even been a second in which Sarah Renee was in danger and that Emmett's lightning reflexes wouldn't have let her fall, but the image of Emmett almost dropping her almost gave her a heart attack. Edward laughed softly and took her hand.

"Do you think you trust them enough to let them care for her for a few minutes so we can talk?" Edward murmured, listening to the still quickened heartbeat. "Or is your precious heart not strong enough?"

"I think I can handle it." Bella assured him. Esme turned and touched her hand.

"She'll be fine, sweetheart, she's such a nice child. I'll make sure the others aren't too rough with her."

"I trust you Esme, of course I do." Bella told her.

"Erm…Bella?" Jasper was by her side in a second. "Before you go off we wanted to show you something. Emmett and I have…made something for Sarah Renee. Esme has scrutinized it carefully and it's baby safe." Esme looked at him and he grinned. "Well, baby safe with really focused vampire supervision, which there will be."

"What is it?" Bella was curious. Jasper grinned, and Emmett bounded up, Sarah Renee under his arm and squealing. He grinned at them and then he and Jasper walked towards another door leading out into the garden, they opened it and Emmett transferred Sarah Renee to his shoulders so that she could see.

"Wow!" She said, and struggled to get to the floor. Emmett looked over at Bella.

"Well, mama? Can she?"

Bella looked over at Esme, who nodded.

"It's safe." Esme assured her. Bella looked back over at it. It was…big. It took up a fair proportion of the lawn immediately adjacent to the house. It was sort of an adventure playground but on a scale that Bella had never seen before. There was a tree house with a zip wire, and a very tall tower, swings, a slide and all kinds of things.

"We'll be very careful with her." Alice promised. "There will be six people who are very fast, she won't get hurt."

"Alright." Bella nodded. "Thank you." She told Jasper and Emmett, who grinned. Emmett placed Sarah Renee on the floor and she wasted no time running towards the massive structure. Carlisle looked on indulgently, crossing his arms and watching in amusement as half his family reverted to practical primal states, running around Sarah Renee and making her laugh. Esme took his hand and he pulled her into a hug and they watched their children act like such probably for the first time since they became their children. Carlisle looked over at Bella and winked at her.

"I think this is our cue." Edward whispered in Bella's ear, and she allowed him to lead her gently toward the staircase. "We'll take your bag to your rooms."

"Rooms?" Bella asked sceptically.

"Yes, yours and Sarah Renee's." Edward told her, and turned left at the top of the stairs and led her to the second door on the right.

"This room is bigger than my apartment." Bella joked.

"Hardly." Edward retorted. "I know you wouldn't allow us to put you in one of the really big rooms." Everything in the Cullen house was far too big and ostentatious. She saw she had a big double bed, where Edward placed the small holdall, and then he led her to one of the other doors in the room. It led to a beautiful nursery, with a wrought iron crib in the corner and a chest full of toys, in which Bella noticed the latest series of Power Ranger action figures. None of the walls were glass in here but there were two big windows with thick yellow curtains. The walls were decorated with cream and there was a border around the top with animals on it. They also had a bathroom that led into both rooms as well. "Wow, this is nice."

"It's Esme and Carlisle's present, although Alice and Rosalie couldn't stop themselves joining in. I told them not to go mad." Edward inspected the room. "Is it okay?"

"It's great." Bella assured him. "Sarah Renee will love it." She turned to find Edward right behind her, and he ran his hands down her arms and rested on her hips, pulling her towards him. It was a matter of seconds before his lips found hers for the second time. Was this only their second kiss in years? Bella could hardly believe it, because it felt too right. Her hands found their way up his shoulders and her arms circled around his neck, pulling him in tighter.

"Wait." She broke the kiss and pushed him back. "I'm still a little mad at you."

"I know." Edward sighed and let go of her, seemingly ready for the talk that had been coming all day.

"You had no right to sneak into my house whilst I was sleeping and bond with my child after I specifically told you not to."

"I know." Edward replied.

"I told you to stay away."

Edward nodded and looked up at her, looking as if he had something to say. She waited.

"Bella, when I left, I really thought that you would get over me, forget me and move on. I just wanted you to be happy, and it wasn't safe, being with me. It still isn't, but I realise now that I can't exist without you. When I found you, and you didn't want me, I respected your choice, but I found that I just couldn't stay away." He stared at the floor, but then looked up into her eyes. "I came to watch you sleep, just to give myself enough strength not to have to see you when you're awake. I saw that Sarah Renee was waking up at nights and I wanted you to be able to sleep, you always looked so tired when I saw you around on campus, so I cared for her, and we became friends. I'm sorry, that's just what happened, I didn't mean for it to. I was completely in the wrong, but I thought you needed the help. Probably a ridiculous assumption but you know that I have a significant weakness in your power over me and my need for you to be okay.

"If I thought that you could even begin to handle this by yourself, I would have let you go on by yourself, if that's truly what you wanted, but what are you going to do when she starts changing? When she's stronger than you? A toddler wolf is not something you can cope with/" Edward walked over to her. "I will help you, whatever you need. I love you Bella, I always loved you, I never stopped and I'm fully prepared to adopt Sarah Renee and help you raise her."

Bella considered this. She considered Edward being Sarah Renee's father, as she grew, him being there, him picking her up when she fell, him being incredibly protective when she started dating, Edward giving her away at her wedding. She started laughing, her mind firmly fixed on the two visions of her future self. She was about this age, at least in the Jacob future, she realised or at least Sarah Renee looked around the right size, taking into account the accelerated growth, and she found that immensely funny. "Looks like I got the worst parts of all of my fantasies."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked her.

"It's nothing." Bella told him, regretting saying that, regretting all the bad feelings she ever had about Sarah Renee. She was ashamed of them, but she was young and reckless and she'd been alone for so long. Could this happen? She feeling a little too close to him, and walked away over to the other side of the room. She knew she needed to be with him, but part of her was screaming to take Sarah Renee and run, that she wasn't supposed to like them, that this would cause problems later, if she started to change…out of the window she saw that Emmett and Jasper were running around like mad fools, the adventure playground forgotten in a game of monster attack, squealing and begging her not to kill them, Sarah Renee chasing them and growling, pretending to be a big monster, Alice and Rosalie laughing at the absurd scene in front of them. In her mind Sarah Renee phased and pounced on Jasper, trying to tear him limb from limb like Jacob's pack had done to Laurent. "Just a dream I once had."

"I want to know." Edward told her.

"Well we don't always get what we want." Bella replied.

"No. We don't." Edward told her. "That's why you're not getting to do this on your own anymore. I'm not leaving you no matter what happens."

"You said that to me once." Bella told him, staring out of the window, numb, almost paralysed by her own fear of her imagined future coming true. "It wasn't true then either."

"I never said I wasn't going to leave you before." Edward told her. "I said I'd stay as long as it was the best thing for you, and it wasn't anymore."

"It's not now." Bella told him. "Sarah Renee represents your one true enemy, and you can't play daddy to that."

"I can play daddy to whatever I want." Edward told her, and a little coldness crept into his voice, and she knew that she'd hurt him. "I don't care about your feelings anymore, Bella. You don't have to tell me you love me, even though you already did. I'll pretend that you didn't. We don't have to be together, if that's what you want, even though we kissed, more than once and with real emotion, but I'm going to help you raise Sarah Renee. I'm going to be her father figure, and I'm going to do the best I can to help her through all the changes she will experience, help her to control it, to hide it."

"You think you can?" Bella asked him quietly, the numbness still not wearing off. Emmett had grabbed Sarah Renee now and was running with her as they tried to escape the frightening monster that was now Jasper. Jasper's growls were pathetic, and Alice had joined in now, running alongside Emmett who had Sarah Renee over his shoulder and she was screaming, Bella was thinking that one day they may have to fight for real, that Emmett may try to kill her child in earnest, if everything went wrong. A lump stuck in her throat. "She's your polar opposite."

"We're the same in more ways than one." Edward shrugged. "We will both live with a secret, hide who we really are, have to control ourselves completely. She'll need me. In the absence of her real father I'll be a pretty good substitute."

"I can't take her back to Jacob…I can't go back there, not now." Bella wrapped her arms around herself at the thought. She didn't belong there, she didn't belong anywhere, she didn't want to be the flighty daughter of the flighty police chief's ex wife who ran away because she was pregnant. She knew she had robbed Charlie his future…his future sitting with Billy with kids running around his ankles, and she couldn't face that.

"It's always your choice." Edward told her firmly. "I understand your reasons, and I'm offering you a pretty good alternative, maybe not a perfect one, but one that we can make work." Edward approached her, and carefully took hold of Bella's shoulders, pulling her into a half hug. Bella couldn't feel anything, but she knew that she was completely dependant on Edward now. "You'll need me." He told her, and turned her so that she was facing him, her back to the window, brushing her hair out of her face, smoothing it away with his cold fingers. The numbness was fading and leaving a burning in its place. She didn't know why, perhaps the injustice of the situation, the guilt of not being enough for Sarah Renee, the shame of the thoughts she had about what might have been if Sarah Renee had never been, or perhaps it was just Edward's touch that she was warming to. Her head was still dizzy from her imagining.

Bella's breathing became erratic and she thought her heart was going to break a rib. "I miss that sound." He whispered to her, leaning down and placing his ear on her chest. She tried to control her heart, to try and get some sort of sense back, but the idea of her and Edward being apart was feeling more and more ridiculous by the second.

"So." Edward looked up again, staring into her eyes. "I am completely devoted to you, no matter your decision I will be here to help Sarah Renee, you will not raise a young werewolf alone." His fingertips brushed her collarbone. "I will be here, I will not leave, and there will never be a moment in Sarah Renee's life that she will not need a father and I will be there for her, and I love you. The rest is up to you."

"Edward." She said the word more to herself than to him. "I only pushed you away because I was trying to do what's best for Sarah Renee…and…now I don't know what's right for her." She was staring at his chest, focusing on the top button of his shirt. "I'm not going to be able to do this alone, she needs you and I need you too." She was resolved again. "I need you and I love you, Edward. I do love you, of course I do."

He kissed her again then, lacing his hand into her hair and pulling her closer to him. She knew it was the right thing, Sarah Renee liked the Cullens and even Rosalie liked her, it seemed like fate. The problems she was imagining would probably not come to pass anyway, and she would just have to be alert if they did. She pushed it all out of her mind and let this moment be just about her and Edward, deepening the kiss and wrapping her arms around his waist to pull him closer to her, she pressed herself to him, drinking him in. He ran a cold finger down her cheek and rested his hand on her shoulder, holding her in place as he attacked her mouth.

There was a small cough and they jumped. Emmett was standing there, looking pretty amused. He was alone, and a quick glance outside told Bella that the others had gone inside as well. She wondered just how long that kiss had lasted.

"Sorry, guys, it's dinner time for the humans." Emmett told them. "Plus, I think we should see how we get on with the one kid before you guys work on making more." Bella flushed and stalked past him, not meeting his eyes. She did notice Edward almost push Emmett through a wall. She looked back to see Edward looking at Emmett coldly and knew they were having a conversation that she could not hear.

"What's up?" She asked, turning back. His face fell back into a smooth smile and he took her hand.

"Nothing." Edward told her. "It's alright, just brother stuff." Emmett picked himself up and nodded, leaning on Edward's shoulder.

"Yeah, no probs." Emmett said, his face no longer amused, but a huge grin plastered on it anyhow. "I've just gotten used to little baby punches. Edward took me by surprise, that's all."

"Let's go." Edward led Bella down to the dining room.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I'll be honest with you – I've got writer's block. The story is set (and far from over) but I do this irritating thing where I just can't write it anymore. Also, I'm not good at writing happy relationships. Sorry. This chapter is AWFUL with a capital A but I thought I'd give it to you and try and struggle through, completely for you. So enjoy, and sorry for the long updates but I've been agonising over how to make the next few chapters interesting without ruining the romantic 'ahhhh....Edward and the BABY!' feel I know you all want. Please tell me what is good/bad about it – I'll try to edit the next few around your opinions.**

**BTW – some people might be slightly upset about a little something that comes up in this story so I'm just going to clarify something (it's only a TINY part of the chapter) Santa DOES exist, but he's decided that Bella and Sarah Renee have all the happiness they need and is giving it to other kids, Alice, seeing his decision, decided to do the stockings herself, because the Cullens spoil Bella. Got it? *wink* Good.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

_Chapter Twenty-Three_

Edward quickly restored his calm as he led Bella towards the dining room, where the rest of his family were already watching Sarah Renee eating rather politely her spaghetti. Emmett's thoughts had irked him more than they should. He was mocking Edward and wondering how he was going to deal with a horny girlfriend and a kid to boot, and was finding it amusing that Edward was going to raise a kid with a girl he'd never even seen naked, but thought that the situation was probably going to be rectified soon, if that kiss had been anything to go by. He knew what Emmett was trying to do. He was trying to help him cope with the idea by making light of it, or just giving him something to punch. He knew that this issue with Bella's needs was important to Emmett, although he really had no idea why.

_I'm your big brother and I'll always to around to help you out. _Emmett had noticed Edward's pensive look and had guessed what it was about. _You'll work it out, I promise._

Emmett pushed past the two standing in the doorway and sat opposite Sarah Renee, quite disappointed that she hadn't made a humongous mess that he'd obviously been expecting since he knew that spaghetti was on the menu. As if on cue Sarah Renee picked up some of her food and threw it at him, somehow managing to only get him and not the table. It was quite a throw for such a little girl. Edward stored that in his memory as well, adding it to his list of things to note about her behaviour. Emmett started his theatrics to amuse Sarah Renee and the rest of the family watched on, not even Esme being the least bit upset.

"They've all taken to her astoundingly well." Edward murmured in Bella's ear, and she nodded. "Especially Emmett."

_He's such a kid anyway he's glad he's found someone on the same wavelength. _The remark came straight from Rosalie's mind, but Edward could tell she was very happy with how good Emmett was with the child. Edward was glad too, it was going to come in handy when Sarah Renee began to get a lot more…boisterous…that the two of them had a good relationship. Emmett was the strongest, when it came down to it, and they were going to need all the strength they could get.

"Thank you for the rooms, Esme, they truly are beautiful." Bella told Esme. Esme turned her shining eyes to Bella and smiled a smile that warmed Bella to the balls of her feet.

"That's alright, dear. I'm glad you like it, I was hoping that you would, you and Sarah Renee are welcome to use them whenever you want. Would you like some dinner?" Esme walked forward and pulled out a chair for her.

"Yes please." Bella walked over and sat down. Edward quickly pushed the chair in again and Bella picked up her fork. "It looks lovely." She said.

_She's so polite. _Esme thought satisfactorily. _She's taught Sarah Renee good manners too…accepting her little indiscretion with Emmett. _Edward nodded and smiled. "Have as much as you want, dear, you know it's all for you."

"We weren't sure how much you would want." Alice admitted. "We aren't good at portions for children."

"It's enough, thank you." Bella assured her. "We haven't eaten this well in ages."

_Try since you left Forks. _ Edward thought to himself angrily. He eyed her slim figure again, and saw Esme doing the same worriedly.

"Well, still, we've stocked the fridges full for your visit, sweetie, anything you need just ask." His mother said, and Edward felt a wave of gratitude towards her. He thought approaching the issue of Bella's weight would only anger her, but Esme seemed to understand and know how to deal with it.

"Thank you." With that, Bella began to eat.

Edward switched his attention to Sarah Renee, knowing that Bella was self conscious enough being one of only two people eating at the party of nine. Sarah Renee was eyeing Emmett with no small amusement. At her command, Emmett had put the spaghetti on his head and was declaring himself as pretty as Rosalie. After a while Esme checked him and told him to let Sarah Renee eat in peace. The spaghetti on Sarah Renee's plate was then all cut up and she was eating with a spoon, and eating very neatly for a two year old, although she was leaving behind some mess. She seemed thrilled that she had so many people around her, and was wondering whether they were going to live here from now on, because she would like to. Edward was happy, he wanted them to live there too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After dinner, Alice and Rosalie took Sarah Renee into the living room to hang up her new stocking. She was very excited about this, and Bella felt bad once again for not being able to do all these things with her last year. She was too young, she kept reminding herself, and she had done the stocking thing anyway with her, just not with such large stockings and a huge fireplace. There was also a decorated tree and a media system with various sofas and armchairs around the room, it all looked very inviting and comfortable.

After the stocking was put on the fireplace, and the sherry and mince pies were left out for Santa when he came, Bella took Sarah Renee to her new crib. As suspected she liked her new room and immediately went to the toy chest. Bella knew that the Cullens had used it to covertly buy her things, but she didn't mind as much when it was for Sarah Renee: she deserved the spoiling. The little girl squealed as she found the power rangers toys, but began to yawn widely after a few minutes.

"Come on, bedtime." Bella told her.

"I need my dolls!" Sarah Renee seemed shocked that she had forgotten them.

"They are in our bag, I'll got get them." Sarah Renee followed her to make sure they were there, and when she had them she ran over to the crib to put them in with some ceremony. Bella changed her then, thinking she was too tired for a bath and could have one in the morning. She should have been in bed an hour ago, but it was Christmas Eve and she was having so much fun that Bella hadn't minded.

Once installed in bed, and having had her bedtime story, Bella kissed the sleepy girl.

"Goodnight baby." Bella cooed, stroking her hair.

"I want Edward to say goodnight to me." She said sleepily.

"Okay, I'll get him." Bella agreed, but hardly had time to stand before Edward was at the door, obviously having heard his name.

"Goodnight Sarah." Edward came to the side of the crib, placing his hand on Bella's shoulder. "You sleep well, baby."

"Kiss." Sarah Renee demanded. Edward grinned and leant down to kiss the girl on her cheek, Sarah made an exaggerated kissing noise back and yawned again. "Is Edward my new daddy yet?" She asked.

Bella looked over at Edward, who smiled at her.

"Would you like Edward to be your new daddy?" Bella asked her.

"Uh huh." The girl was very drowsy now.

"Okay then." Bella agreed. "He can be your new daddy." Edward grinned at her and kissed her hair. Edward chucked quietly to himself, having known that Sarah Renee had been planning this since she put her dolls in the crib: she wanted her and Bella to live there with him. She considered it the perfect solution: her mummy wouldn't cry anymore and she could play with her Aunties and Uncles all she wanted.

"Are you going to be here when I wake up, promise?" Sarah Renee asked Edward.

"Promise, you sleep now, little one." He put his hand on her head and stroked her hair, and she yawned again.

"Okay. Night night mummy, night night daddy." She yawned again and was out like a light.

Bella and Edward made a rapid exit from the room, and Edward shut the door carefully.

"So, mummy." He turned to her and grinned. "You want to go and watch a film with the others?"

Bella blinked, realising that she could go and hang out with her friends, that Sarah Renee was safe here. There wasn't even the need for a baby monitor; the others could probably hear her shifting in her sleep and her quiet breathing from downstairs.

"Okay." She said, walking towards the door. Edward grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Just one thing first." He pulled her to him and kissed her again. "Sorry. I just can't get over the fact that I can do that again."

"I'm still adjusting too." She admitted, pulling him in for another kiss.

"Come on." He took her hand, and she noticed the huge grin on his face as he led her back down to the living room of this strange new house that the family had moved into.

"Here, sweetie." Esme cautiously handed her a milky drink in a glass.

"What is it?" She asked cautiously, sniffing it carefully.

"It's eggnog." Alice answered. "Humans drink it as Christmas time."

"It smells alcoholic." Bella offered, looking at Edward nervously. He shrugged.

"It's a tradition." Alice said, frowning a little. "At Christmas you have to drink Eggnog."

"We've never really done Christmas before." Edward explained in a whisper to her. They both knew everyone could hear them, but he whispered anyway to make Bella more comfortable. The others pretended not to hear. "Alice wants to do it traditionally, because of you and Sarah Renee...and you're the only one who can drink the eggnog and eat the food so you'd better get your best appetite on."

"You and Sarah Renee are safe. Please, we would like you to enjoy this Christmas as if we were all still human." Carlisle told her. "Bella, you grew up too quickly, and if you and Sarah Renee are going to be our family, we want you to have all the human normalness we can muster for you."

Bella looked to Edward for confirmation, and he nodded, his eyes fervent. She took a sip and found she quite enjoyed it. Alice watched her drink it, but the others didn't, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable.

The rest of the night brought back Christmas feelings that Bella hadn't felt since she was a little girl, and after they watched the movie, which was _The Holiday_, a feel good sickly film about romance at Christmas. Bella decided Alice must have picked it, and marvelled about how good she felt watching it. Even until a few weeks ago, Bella avoided all things romance, but with Edward's arm around her, still giving her that electric tingle that he gave her all that time ago in Forks, she found herself enjoying it. She turned to Edward a few times to see him watching her, and she smiled at him. After the film they wrapped Sarah Renee's presents and placed them under the tree and into her stocking.

"I need to get my presents and place them under the tree." Bella said, standing up.

"I'll get them." Edward said immediately as she expected he probably would.

"No no, it's not far, I'm sure my inferior human legs can make it there and back before the end of the week." She patted her hip a little and smiled at him. "I'll be back in a second...well make it a few minutes." She amended when she considered that it would really take him a second. He complied and she climbed the stairs, wanting to check in on Sarah Renee anyway. It felt odd to be so far away from her when she was sleeping and she was anxious for her in an irrational motherly way, even though it had only been a few hours and she would still be fast asleep.

Sarah Renee was fine, and Bella stood and watched her for a while, just as she had done the night before...had it only been the night before? Worried and scared sick. How different it was now. She took a few minutes to think about the changes, about how she would cope, what she wanted to change, what was best for Sarah Renee at the moment.

She wanted to live at her little flat and keep her job, even though she knew it would annoy Edward to have her work when he wanted to pay for everything and have her living in luxury. It was strange enough being here for the night, and Sarah Renee was still human and needed a routine and friends and the life she and Bella had wasn't all bad...they would visit regularly, but living there was out of the question, for now anyway. She also felt that perhaps she and Edward would need some time alone to sort through everything...and what was going to happen once Bella was far too old for him. She crossed her arms over her stomach to combat the uneasiness inside, but this had been building up ever since their conversation before dinner: one day she would be an old woman, and he would still be seventeen. Vampirism: out of the question. Sarah Renee would need her human for any of this to work.

Bella quietly shut the door to Sarah Renee and walked across her room, stopping at the window and looking out over the little meadow, thinking it was a far better view than the brick wall that her bedroom window offered.

"Bella?" Edward had come to find her, and she realised she'd been far longer than she planned to be. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She said, smiling at him. "Just thinking."

"About what?" He asked, smiling and coming to stand with her at the window, wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her back to him and they both looked out of the window.

"Nothing terribly important, I mean..." continuing because she knew it irked him not to be privy to her thoughts, "nothing we need to worry about tonight. It can wait." She yawned widely.

"You need to get to bed soon." Edward observed. "You've had a long day."

"Probably." Bella said, yawning again. "I'll go put these presents with the rest and then turn in, I think. Will you be joining me?" Bella arched her back into him and turned to him. Edward shifted a little, obviously uncomfortable. Bella put it down to the fact that he didn't want her to think they were moving too fast, to scare her away. Once again her thoughts drifted to the dream she'd had on the morning of her eighteenth birthday and wondered if his thoughts were there too.

"If you want me to...I'll lie with you whilst you sleep." He said carefully. She smiled, turning around in his arms and putting her arms around his neck.

"I want to fall asleep in your arms every night that I have left." She told him. He nodded, staring out the window, causing a little stir of unease in her, but it couldn't increase to panic, not with his arms around her so tightly.

"Hey, look." He said. "It's snowing." She turned and saw the first flakes falling from the sky. Edward was quiet for a second, listening, and then nodded. "Alice says it will settle, as well."

"A white Christmas." Bella smiled. "Could anything be more perfect?"

"I love you, Bella." Edward said, quite suddenly and out of the blue.

"I know." Bella told him, kissing him lightly on the lips. He touched her chin and brought her face back to his for a prolonged moment. When the kiss broke, Bella couldn't help another yawn.

"Come on, you need to rest, let's get going."


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to rowdyk27 for being such a fan of my stories. I did receive your message and I was going to reply but I decided to crack on and give you this chapter instead because I get distracted easily and I know you're desperate for me to finish these stories. I'm glad you're enjoying this and What Doesn't Kill You which I will be updating **_**hopefully**_** tonight but we'll see how it goes on that front, but I took your words under advisement and concentrated on this one for you. I do enjoy your comments, and please tell me what you think!**

**This took a lot of doing because...I can't write happy people...it comes out too sappy and I hate it. Hope you enjoy this chapter, not a whole lot happens but I hope you'll forgive – it's their Christmas after all and they are being lazy. There's lot of action in later chapters I promise!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight. Nope, not even the film. I have copies of the books, and will probably buy New Moon when it comes out but the first film SUCKS and will probably be bought after I've bought the film Breaking Dawn (if it ever comes out) just to have the collection.**

_Chapter Twenty Four_

Bella woke up in a comfortable bed with an unprecedented feeling of calm restfulness. She felt like she'd been asleep for days, unlike the usual mornings where she felt more tired than when she went to bed. She waited for a few seconds, holding her breath with her eyes shut, waiting for the panic to overwhelm her, for the cold fear that was skimming around her stomach to tell her that the last two days were a dream and that was she still in her flat, still alone, still raising a child that may or may not turn out to be an uncontrollable wolf that could kill her by accident. The panic didn't come, and she realised that the cold around her waist was not unpleasant but immeasurably welcome, as it took the form of Edward's arm. She realised she was curled into his chest. She experimented by opening one eye and found Edward smiling at her, his face inches from hers.

"Morning, love." He said quietly. She smiled back at him.

"Morning." She said drowsily.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked.

"I think so, I don't remember whether I dreamed or not, though. I must have been tired." Bella pushed herself into a sitting position and put her hand to her hair, where she found it to be a complete mess. She groaned and fell back onto the pillow. Edward laughed.

"It looks good on you."

"You have to say that." She mumbled through the pillow. "Where's my daughter?" She asked suddenly, a new panic in her voice. "I slept later than I should have, she should be awake."

"She is. She's watching her new Power Rangers video with the others. Emmett and Jasper are green and black, apparently." Edward said. "Sorry, we let her open one present before you got up to keep her amused."

"That's okay." Bella said, and the panic dissolved into a warm contentment. She didn't have to get up just yet. Sarah Renee was alright, Bella didn't have to get up there and then. She snuggled closer into Edward's chest and sighed.

"Merry Christmas, Love."

"Merry Christmas, Edward." They stared at each other for a moment, and then Bella grimaced. "I really want to stay here with you, but I'm afraid I look ridiculous and that Emmett is going to see me." Edward chuckled and released her as she stumbled into the bathroom in search of shower and a hairbrush.

When she came out again wrapped in a towel, Edward had moved from the bed to the armchair, and was lounging reading a book. As she looked over at him, she saw past him through the window, where as predicted the snow had fallen in a deep layer on the ground. It was completely untouched apart from two sets of footprints heading out from the side of the house into the woods and then back, which she could only guess was some of the family going on a short hunting trip.

"It's beautiful." She spoke and looked over at Edward.

"I remember when you hated snow – you loved the sun and the warmth."

Bella shrugged. "Things change. I don't mind the cold now." She turned to him and placed her hand on his arm where his shirt was pushed up a bit. It was like ice. They looked at each other for a moment, and Bella felt her heart pick up and her body grow warm at the sight of him and the look in his eyes. A slight crease formed in between his eyebrows and his eyes shifted to stare at the door.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Nothing, love." He said casually. "I just think that my brothers may be overexciting the baby too early in the day. Alice will be upset if she is tired before the day is through. I'll leave you to change and go and stop them."

"Alright. I'll come as soon as I'm changed to see about her breakfast." Bella watched him go, making a quick exit, feeling perplexed, but pushing it aside and turning to the meagre clothes she'd brought with her.

She was just finished selecting a pair of jeans and an oversized T shirt when Alice swept into the room wearing a rich purple dress and holding a clothes bag.

"No." She said simply, pointing at Bella's attire. "Here. This isn't a present, I'm lending it to you." She opened the bag to reveal a blue dress.

"But you only wear clothes once!" Bella protested. "No one will wear that dress but me! It's even in my size and I'm taller than you!"

"Bella, it's Christmas! When can we all dress up if not Christmas! If it helps, I've just sent Edward to change as well."

Alice sent a pleading look at her, and all of a sudden Bella remembered the story the shop keeper had told her about the two girls who came into his clothing store. She remembered that Alice had missed her desperately and it had probably taken all the will she had not to force her into new clothes until now.

"Alright, I'll wear it just this once." She conceded, and then sighed as Alice continued to give her pleading eyes. "And you can do my hair and makeup, but can I feed my child first? She'll be hungry soon and then she'll get cranky."

"Of course." Alice agreed quickly. "Esme and Rosalie are in the kitchen making breakfast, but they would like your approval before giving it to Sarah anyway." Bella changed quickly into the dress and noticed Alice trying not to make a face at the unfinished look, her fingers itching to curl hair and apply mascara. Bella held up her finger to her, and she nodded glumly.

Alice followed her down the stairs and into the kitchen, where Rosalie and Esme were discussing something quietly over by the stove.

"Bella!" Esme turned around to see her and smiled, hugging her carefully and kissing her cheek. "Merry Christmas."

"To you too." Bella said, smiling and nodding at a very smiley Rosalie, unsure of what to say to her. They hadn't talked for years, Rosalie was the only Cullen that she hadn't encountered at one time or another but Bella sensed that the coming of Sarah Renee into the life of the vampire who so wanted a child had warmed the blonde to her. She gave her a quick and warm smile, then turning her attention to what was cooking on the stove. "Scrambled eggs?"

"Yes, and bagels." Rosalie said excitedly. "Is that alright, I mean, can Sarah..."

"It's great." Bella assured her. "Perfect, Sarah loves eggs." Rosalie's grin widened and she scooped some of the eggs onto a wooden spoon and held it out for Bella to taste. "Tastes great."

"Wonderful." Esme clapped her hands, and she and Rosalie quickly made up two plates of eggs and bagels. Whilst Bella cut Sarah Renee's up, Esme called upstairs to the boys that it was breakfast time.

"Wait!" Alice said, darting out of the room, barrelling into Edward as he tried to follow his brothers in. Bella guessed that it was because of the unfinished nature of her look, but was distracted from this thought by the comical scene that Sarah, Jasper and Emmett made up. Sarah Renee was sitting on Emmett's wide shoulder wearing a pretty pink dress and a pink Power Ranger's mask. Jasper was wearing a green mask and Emmett a black one and they were all singing the Power Ranger's theme tune.

Emmett placed the little girl on the floor, where she proceeded to sing "Go Go Power Rangers Woooooaaaaah!" Whilst running on the spot and waving her arms in the air. Bella had never seen anything like it from her serious child. It was with a painful squeeze to the heart that she saw her child look at her with a carefree grin, little white teeth on dark skin which reminded her so much of the little girl's heritage and father. She pushed the thought away, glad that Edward was privy to the inside of her head...it was just...in that carefree moment she'd looked so much like Jacob, more than ever before, and Bella realised that Sarah Renee had been denied the freedom to express that part of her nature, that her own anxiety had affected her daughter to such a degree. This was all softened by how funny she looked, and by the laughter of the other two women in the room.

"Sarah Renee." She said crossly, trying to keep the laughter from her voice. "It's breakfast time, you need to be quieter in the kitchen."

"Sorry mummy." Sarah Renee said, immediately taking the mask from her face and looking a little ashamed, playing with the mask in her hands awkwardly. She cut such a pathetic figure that Bella had to laugh, and crouched down, reaching out for her child, who ran into her arms for a good morning hug.

"It's alright, you just go and sit by Auntie Rosalie and eat up like a good girl and I'll forgive you."

"Okay." She ran over to the chair and struggled into it. Once positioned, Rosalie tucked a napkin under her chin. Bella sat down to eat hers and found it delicious.

"How did you learn to cook like this?" She asked. "This and the spaghetti last night was really great, how can you cook when you can taste it?"

"Food network." Rosalie told her. "We've all been watching it."

"I make a mean tortilla." Emmett nodded. "I mean...no one has ever tried it..but it looks just like the on TV."

Bella laughed, surprised by this huge show of generosity.

"If you make it for me one day I promise I'll try it and tell you what I think."

"Alright..." Emmett cracked his knuckles.

Esme and Jasper were listening to something with small smiles on their faces. Bella didn't need three guesses to find out what. After finishing her meal and thanking Esme and Rosalie, she strode to the door and ripped it open, to find Alice and Edward on the stairs, Edward looking harassed and Alice stubborn. At the sound of the door opening they both turned to look at her, and both became a blur. She felt a cold hand on hers, pulling her upwards in a hurry and simultaneously a pair of ice cold arms encircling her and pulling her into a marble chest, keeping her there solidly. After the second of movement, both so gentle but still with enough urgency for her to worry about the attachment of her arm, she found herself with her arm oustretched, hand in hand with Alice, with Edward holding her, both brother and sister glaring at each other.

"She doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. She's as breathtaking when she first wakes as she ever is after you've got to her. Let her relax and have a day off to do what she wants."

"She said I could. It's my present from her." Alice stuck her lip out.

Bella sighed, and gently took her hand from Alice's, spinning around to Edward in his arms and placing her hands on his chest.

"Edward, I did say she could." Bella told him. "It won't take long, I'll be down soon."

Edward sighed angrily and then released her. Bella felt a little put out by the fact that he was so angry about this. Why wouldn't he want her to look her best? Even if she hated the process, she couldn't deny the results. Alice made her almost beautiful enough for her not to feel cringingly guilty about even being a pretender to Edward's affections. She turned to the beaming Alice, who led her straight away to her room.

"What was that all about?" Bella asked as soon as Alice had shut the door and placed her in the chair.

"Who knows?" Alice said, her voice a little peeved, but Bella thought that Alice knew more than she was letting on. Bella let her thoughts consume her as Alice worked, and by the time she'd finished, Bella had worked past her foul mood in favour of putting on a brave face for the sake of Christmas. Everyone had worked so hard and she didn't want them to think her ungrateful.

By the time they were downstairs again, Sarah Renee had finished her meal and they were waiting to open presents. Edward was at the bottom of the stairs when Bella emerged, watching her cautiously, his eyes smouldering. He was wearing a suit that fit his sculpted body to make him look even more godlike than usual. Bella looked down at herself cautiously and blushed; even in her refinery she nowhere near matched him. Edward grinned.

"You look transcendent, love."

"It's all a bit silly, really." Bella mumbled and Alice shot her a look which made her press her lips together. Edward said nothing, but took her hand and led her into the living room, where the others were sitting waiting for them.

"It's a special occasion." Edward went to sit on the sofa, pulling Bella down after him. A few seconds later Sarah Renee sprang onto their laps and sat, hand on one of each of their hands, eyeing the presents.

"Do you want to open them?" Esme asked.

"Can I?" Sarah Renee asked excitedly.

"Of course!" Esme held her hand out to the child who sprang from her position and gracefully landed on the floor, gently holding the vampire's hand and allowing herself to be led over to the brightly coloured parcels.

"She's getting on well with your family." Bella mentioned to Edward as Sarah Renee unwrapped a chest full of clothes and little pieces of jewellery from Jasper and Alice.

"I can't wait until she's part of the family." Edward said in a tone that took Bella's eyes from her daughter to his face. He was watching her, eyes intense, smouldering so brightly that it made her dizzy and her breath catch in her chest.

"Hmm?" She said, the only response she could think of.

"Look mommy! It's a little girl just like me!" Sarah Renee ran over, cutting Edward's reply short.

"Wow! It looks like you too!" Bella took the excuse to get off the sofa and away from Edward and allowed Sarah Renee to lead the way to the present she had received from Esme and Carlisle. It was a replication of the house they were in now, custom made, and there was a doll of every Cullen, plus Bella and Sarah Renee. "This is beautiful, thank you."

"Look!" Sarah Renee handed her the dolls of her and Edward. "It's you and Daddy." Sarah Renee grinned around at Edward, who smiled back. Sarah Renee returned her attention to the doll house, pretending that her doll had thrown Emmett's doll across the room and was now using him as a trampoline. Bella shuddered even as she laughed, her reaction unnoticed as Emmett let out a booming laugh and jumped across the room, gathering the little girl in his arms.

"You think so, do you?" He said, holding her by her ankles. She started squealing and everyone laughed.

"What's this?" Bella picked up a box and looked inside. There was a silver locket inside.

"It's my present to her." Edward came up behind her, his hands on her shoulders. "It just needs a picture."

Bella opened the intricate locket to find an inscription. "With all the love from both our hearts."

"I told her it was from both of us, her parents. I hope you don't mind, I mean...I hope it wasn't too forward of me."

"No, not at all..." Bella said, biting her lip. "It's beautiful."

"I mean what I say, Bella. I want you and Sarah Renee to be Cullens. I want to protect you in every way I can."

Bella examined the locket, not trusting herself to reply, trying not to show the fact that cold dread was filling her stomach and making her dizzy. She'd have to tell him some time...but the idea of it filled her with a deep and heady shame. How would be react?

*********

After Sarah Renee had opened all her presents, everyone else exchanged gifts. It wasn't something that Edward's family usually did at this time of year, but Alice was insistent that they mark the occasion this time. He had given his sisters and Esme jewellery and his brothers dune buggies, as their insistent thoughts over the last few weeks told him they wanted. To Carlisle he gave a rare book which he'd been looking for, for which Edward had to use his gift and some precise haggling to get the previous owner to part with.

Bella sat on the sofa, smiling and watching everyone else open their presents. With her restrictions in mind, Carlisle and Esme had bought Bella a photo album and Rosalie and Emmett a camera, stating it was practical to have pictures of this for Sarah Renee to look back on. The memory of her eighteenth birthday and the fact that she'd received similar presents seemed to have crossed no one's mind but his and Bella had accepted them with good grace and gratitude. Rosalie and Esme had started taking pictures of everyone and of all the presents and everyone was smiling and laughing. Alice had been the least cautious with her present, buying Bella practically a whole new winter wardrobe, including a coat, hat, scarf and gloves from her and Jasper, stating that as it was winter and all she had was some awful jumper it was practical in case she got a cold. Even this, several hundred pounds worth of present Bella accepted with only minimum complaints, after Alice insisted – artful lying – that it was all just lying around in her wardrobe and she never used it.

All the presents apart from one had been given, and everyone's minds were drifting to the rest of the day. Emmett and Jasper were talking about taking a spin on the buggies across to the state border and Alice's thoughts were drifting to the massive roast that was cooking in the kitchen. By the smell it had at least another hour to go.

"It's your turn." Edward murmured.

"Hmm?" Bella looked up.

"Would you like my present now?" He asked her. Reluctance flashed in her eyes and it irritated him a little – she'd accepted gifts from his family – why not him?

"Edward, I know you spent money." She chastised him. "You weren't supposed to."

"For something practical." He held his finger up and smiled at her. "That was the specification."

"Alright then." Bella said and held her hand out. Edward chuckled.

"Close your eyes."

***

Bella closed her eyes and felt cool hands lifting her and carrying her somewhere. What could he have bought her? She hoped that he hadn't gone too overboard. The fact that it wasn't something he could just give to her was slightly panic-inducing.

She was set down and heard the crunch of her shoes on the snow. They were outside. As soon as she was on the floor, Edward's hands were over her eyes.

"Edward!" She said, a little hysterical laughter in her voice.

"Shh!" He whispered in her ear. "No peeking." He gently pressed her to walk forward and she did so hesitantly. She walked forward five steps and then they stopped.

"Can I look now?" Bella asked.

"Okay, now." He took his hands off her eyes and she opened them. At first the glare from the snow blinded her, but as she blinked she looked around. They were outside, around the side of the house. The rest of the family were there, including Sarah Renee in a little woollen hat and scarf.

She went to look back at Edward, who was chuckling and smiling her favourite smile, leaning against...a car.

A brand new shiny car.

He'd bought her a _car_?

"Are you saying..." Bella blinked and pointed at the car. "Is this..."

"It's practical." Edward told her, his face triumphant. "You can't keep taking the bus to work, and taking groceries shopping. Plus," he walked forward, his eyes molten gold, "no buses come out here."

"It's too much!" Bella protested, but Edward pressed a finger to her lips.

"You specified practical, not how practical, or how much." He took something silver and jangly out of his pocket. "Do you want to take it for a spin?"

She inspected it. It was an Audi, and she thought it looked suspiciously sporty. There was already a car seat installed in the back and what looked like a DVD player in the roof that was patently ridiculous.

"The DVD player is another present for Sarah Renee. She can watch Power Rangers on it." He led her over to the boot and opened it. "Plenty of room for all your shopping and Sarah Renee's stuff." He closed the boot again and patted it with satisfaction. "About as practical as it gets."

"Edward, I don't know what to say." Bella said, giving in. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Merry Christmas." He lifted her chin and gently pressed his lips to hers. "I love you."

"I love you too." They stared at each other for a second, and the moment was broken by Emmett's chuckle.

"Would you like to take it for a test drive?" Edward asked her.

"Erm...sure." Bella said, and Edward pressed the keys into her hands. She unlocked the car and climbed into the car. Edward slid into the passenger seat. "It looks like the bat mobile in here."

Edward chuckled. "You'll get used to it." He flicked a few switches. "This is the GPS system, so you'll always know where you are."

"God forbid I should get lost in this little town." Bella mumbled.

Edward raised his eyebrow but said nothing.

Bella turned the key and the engine purred into life. Edward shut his eyes in enjoyment.

"You see? That's how a car is supposed to sound...you notice how you can hear what I'm saying?"

Bella shot him a death glare and put the car into gear. It went shooting forward a few feet and she slammed on the break, not expecting such a reaction to such gentle pressure on the accelerator. She heard Emmett laughing and shot him a look. He was the only one still watching, everyone else had gone inside to give them some privacy.

"I miss my truck."

"Well, you broke your truck. I know you did because I found its grave site in Chicago." Edward told her in humour. Bella paled at the reminder and he pressed his lip together. "Try again."

She sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. "Okay." This time it set off at a more manageable speed, and she turned it towards the drive and out onto the road. She had to admit it was nice to drive. The leather seats were comfortable and the ride was smooth. She rode it around town, Edward silent next to her, uncomplaining of what was probably in his eyes a pitifully slow pace for such a car, past her flat and then back to the Cullen house.

She stopped the car back in the spot it had been parked and Edward turned to her.

"What do you think?"

"I...like it." She admitted, half surprised of that fact herself. "It's good to drive, and it will be useful for getting around. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Edward grinned and leaned in to kiss her again. She felt his body stiffen at the kiss broke.

"What is it?" She asked.

"We have company." He said tersely. "Stay still and don't get out of the car until I say."

"Who is it?"

"Just stay where you are." He told her, climbing out of the car and facing the tree line.


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Sorry this took so long to get out: I started this story as a bum at uni with not much going on and I'm struggling to keep going with it now that I've got a full time job and I'm trying to balance that with organising my post-graduate courses...it's a little hectic, heh. I'm still working on this and WDKY however, so please stay tuned! (although patience would be appreciated, heh)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

_Chapter Twenty Five_

Bella tried to master the fear as she watched Edward cautiously move towards her door, his back to the car as he shuffled slowly towards her side of the car. The adrenaline of the moment had her brain working fast, assessing the risks and taking all the facts in to try and make sense of them. Edward was moving slowly, even to her human eyes, which meant that his speed was of no use to them, which meant that the threat was superhuman. He wasn't poised for attack, which meant that his priority was for her safety, and perhaps whoever it was wasn't going to attack outright. Had the Volturi found them? She couldn't be sure, she had no idea about the vampire royalty apart from a short conversation with Edward years ago. It was enough to know that vampires spending time with a human and a little girl who may be turning into a werewolf would not be tolerated, and the solution would be bloody.

Was it Jacob? Her heart stuttered at the thought of it. Jacob had found out – Jacob had come to claim his child. Would there be a fight? Would this void the treaty? Would Jacob care?

Her heart jumped into her mouth as she thought of where Sarah Renee was, striving to take comfort in the fact that she was with six vampires who would protect her – if it was Jacob they were protecting her from, someone she loved was going to get hurt. Should they even protect her from her rightful father? What would Jacob do if they even tried? How many would die? She felt the starting of a major panic attach as she sat there. It was an agonizing wait for Edward to reach her.

Edward slowly opened the door and spoke clearly to her.

"Bella, when I say, start running for the door. I'll cover you, but whatever happens don't stop running."

What did that mean? He'd _cover_ her? Were there guns involved? Did Edward have a gun? These thoughts flashed through her mind quickly and she wondered if she has the presence of mind to move when he told her to. The thought of having Sarah Renee in her arms and safe from harm was her main motivation to force herself to focus. She swallowed back all her questions and nodded to show that she understood, and readied herself for the run.

There was a roar in the woods, and Bella got the impression of three figures running towards them.

"Now!" Edward said, and she sprang from the car, making for the house. Edward lingered, she didn't see what he was doing. Something flew past her ear and exploded into the snow in front of her. She almost fell over in shock, and then something cold hit her and blew to pieces on her back, leaving her unharmed but cold. She stopped running, and became aware of the laughter and good natured shouts. "Save yourself, Bella!" Edward shouted grinning as he launched another snowball at his brother. Emmett let out a booming laugh and launched one straight back, hitting Edward square on the chest. Jasper and Sarah Renee were standing a little way away from her. Jasper was obviously the one who hit her, and Sarah Renee was busy making him snowballs to throw. She saw that her daughter has been changed into jeans and was wrapped up warmly against the cold, quite happily carrying out her role in the attack. All three of them were laughing.

"You ambushed us!" Bella shouted in surprise, her heartbeat slowing and relief flooding her. She began to laugh too. "Edward, you had me believing we were going to get killed." She sank slowly to the floor, the cold stone path helping her to order her half crazed thoughts.

"It wasn't all in jest, love." Edward walked over to her, still grinning. "One of those balls hit you."

"It was only a snowball! I'm sure Jasper didn't even throw it very hard, it didn't even hurt!"

"It was hard enough." His face was like stone, and she found herself exasperated over his over protectiveness. She looked over to tell him so, but saw him looking warily at the door. She stood and turned around to the door. At that same moment, the front door ripped open and Alice was framed in the doorway.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale!" She screeched. "I saw that! You hit Bella straight on the back! She's wearing silk! Do you have any idea what a snowball could do to that dress?"

"Oh no...Retreat!" Emmett shouted. "Troops! Retreat!" Jasper snatched Sarah Renee off the ground at his feet and they ran into the forest without a backwards glance/

"You better run!" Alice shouted. She ran over to Bella to inspect the damage.

"I tried to stop them." Edward shrugged, but Bella saw the amusement in his face.

"You're going to have to change now." Alice said glumly.

"It's probably a good idea anyway." Bella told her. "Silk dresses aren't very good for snowball fights and your husband has just run off into the woods with my daughter."

***

Edward stalked forwards into the trees, watching for his brothers, listening to Alice's thoughts and visions whilst keeping tabs on where Bella was. In the ten minutes it had taken for them all to change into jeans and warm clothes none of the three had appeared and Bella, Alice and he were going to find them. Rosalie had not been in the house and Carlisle and Esme had not seen her so it was probably safe to imagine that she was hiding somewhere close by as well. Their trails were easy to pick up but elusive, many all going in different directions, Jasper's skills in combat obviously being put to good use to mask them. Alice's visions were also void of their whereabouts, with both Jasper and Emmett not making decisions too decidedly. All they could tell about the future was that they were all going to get into one of the most epic snowball fights ever.

Bella walked through the trees, squinting around, trying to find a clue to where the attack was going to come from. Edward almost chuckled to himself but caught it at once. He was still adjusting his perceptions of her. She wasn't the angry kitten he'd left in Forks. She walked differently through the trees and she had hardly tripped once through the snow covered undergrowth. She looked over at him and caught him staring, giving him a slow and self conscious smile. She hadn't changed all that much, he realised, she still didn't know that she was the most incredible creature on the planet, and smiled back at her.

"Surrender now." Emmett jumped out from behind a tree. He'd been keeping his thoughts filled with the sight of the bark in front of his face and acted on impulse when he heard them coming. "The child is ours."

"Where is she?" Edward asked. Emmett looked truly ashamed.

"She went heavenwards." Emmett stared at the floor. "Jasper got a bit overexcited."

Bella's heart caught in her throat. Had Jasper killed Sarah Renee? He couldn't have done, she would know. Surely? Emmett stared up at the trees, and something prompted them all to look up.

"If you want her back you have to fight!" Jasper shouted from the treetop, Sarah Renee tucked next to him safely on the branch. Suddenly there was a shower of snowballs raining on them, and Bella ran to take cover behind a tree.

"SNOW RAIN!!!!" Jasper shouted from the trees.

"YEAH!" Sarah Renee shouted, throwing another snowball.

"Baby, are you alright?" Bella called.

"Don't answer it, Sarah Renee, it's a trick!" Jasper told her.

Edward had evaded the snow balls and was rapidly climbing the tree towards the little girl.

"Daddy!" Sarah Renee squealed as he landed on the branch next to them and clapped her hands.

"We've been breached! Plan B!" Jasper shouted, grabbing Sarah Renee and jumping from the tree, landing with her in his arms. Rosalie appeared from nowhere and began pelting Edward. As Emmett was busy with Alice, Bella was free to run after Jasper.

"You're not getting away that easily, Hale!" Bella called as she ran. She pulled up short a few metres away, after encountering Jasper and Sarah Renee, both holding snow balls and looking menacing. "Don't you dare!"

"Oh yes, Swan. We dare!" Jasper said. "Now!" The snowballs flew at her, and out of nowhere something cold and harder than she expected knocked into her but stopped her from falling over, taking the blast of the snowballs.

"NOW!" Emmett shouted, and the tree above Bella exploded. She had only a moment to register Edward's surprised eyes – as of course it was him who had jumped to her rescue – before the avalanche. It went on for some time, and even as Edward grabbed her to climb up through it, it was still going on. By the time they had escaped from the huge snow drift Alice was standing on Jasper and holding Sarah Renee. Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere to be seen.

Alice looked at Edward, Bella looked at Sarah Renee, Edward looked at Bella and Jasper looked up at all of them. Alice had a snowball in her hand, as did Sarah Renee.

"I'm prepared to call this a tie." Jasper told them generously.

"What do you think Sarah?" Alice asked.

"GET HIM!"

"You trait-!" Was all Jasper got out before being pummelled by snowballs.

After this, Edward helped him to his feet and Jasper dusted himself off. Bella saw that quite a lot of snow was lodged in Edward's hair and almost giggled.

"Dinner is almost done." Alice told them, her eyes taking on a slightly distant look. "We'd better get back."

"Well, it was a good fight." Jasper said as they were walking back. "Shame my team mates decided to disappear."

"Where's Emit?" Sarah Renee asked, looking around.

"He'll be back later." Edward told her, not going into too much detail about where he thought his brother and sister has disappeared to...or what there were doing. Alice was still carrying Sarah Renee, and Edward had scooped Bella up, realising that the snow drift had soaked through her jeans and was freezing her legs. Once they were inside the house the two of them were seated in front of the fire to defrost before their lunch.

"Are you warm enough?" Edward had wrapped a blanket around them and was sitting on the sofa next to them, his arm gently around Bella.

"Toasty." Bella assured him. "I enjoyed that. It's been a while since I did something silly like that."

"It was great!" Sarah Renee interjected. "Jaspie and me went up the tree and I could see the house!"

"Yees..." Edward said, voice heavy with sarcasm and threat. "Remind me to thank him for that later."

Bella nodded, holding her daughter closer to her. "I was worried...when Emmett said Jasper got a bit excited..." She trailed off, unable to voice her worry, not in front of the curious child on her lap.

"You don't need to worry about that..." Edward look pained, and looked as if he wanted to say something, but stopped himself, instead saying "The dinner must be almost ready." Bella nodded. "You'd better go and get ready for it. Alice has quite a strict schedule for the rest of the evening."

"I see." Bella fought a smile, and stood, picking up Sarah Renee, which took a bit more effort than she was used to. "You're getting heavy, baby."

"Let me take her." Edward said anxiously.

"It's alright, I have her." Bella crossed past him, towards the downstairs bathroom for them to wash their hands. A few minutes later they were seated and Alice and Esme were serving the meal. There was more than enough of it even if the whole family would be sitting to it. Bella took in the ham, turkey and goose, the vegetables and all the trimmings that went with. The whole room was decorated with paper chains and tinsel, and the table had been set with a place for everyone, even those who wouldn't be joining.

"This is...really great." Bella picked up Sarah Renee's plate and began to fill it and cut it up for her. She placed it in front of the child and handed her a spoon.

"Thanks." Sarah said, tucking into the small pieces of roast. The others sat down as well, filling their plates. Bella was surprised by this, but Edward leaned over to her, on the pretence of taking the brussel sprouts.

"Don't worry about it, just enjoy yourself." He whispered in her ear and she nodded. A few moments later, Rosalie and Emmett burst into the room, looking slightly ruffled and still covered in snow.

"Sorry we're late." Rosalie said, tucking her hair behind her ears and sliding into an empty chair next to Jasper.

"Yeah, we got...lost." Emmett said, grabbing the chair the other side of Edward and sitting on it backwards. After a stern glare from both Alice and Esme he sighed, stood again and turned the chair around the right way again.

"You need to eat, Emit." Sarah Renee regarded him and his empty plate with stern eyes. "It will make you grow. Mummy says so."

Everyone laughed.

"Well, you should know." Emmett stood up and kissed the little girl on the top of the head. "Okay, what's good to eat then?"

"Here." She offered him some of her carrots, holding it in her fingertips and offering it to him. "Eat." She commanded, thrusting it at him. Emmett stared at the carrot with hardly concealed fear and Bella suspected some disgust.

"You really should set an example, Uncle Emmett." Jasper piped up from the other side of the table, his lips pressed together in unconcealed humour.

"I..." Emmett floundered and Bella giggled. The big strong bear afraid of eating vegetables – it was a bizarre scene.

"Eat." Sarah Renee commanded again, thrusting the carrot into Emmett's hand. He inspected it and sniffed at it.

"Don't play with your food, Emmett." Edward told him sternly, and Emmett shot him a look. He stood straight and squared his shoulders.

"Fine. I will eat, it will make me big and strong." Emmett said, swallowing the carrot slice with flourish. Rosalie laughed as Sarah Renee patted his hand.

"That's a good boy." She said, and then turned back to her meal and began eating.

"Well...great." Emmett nodded and walked uncomfortably back to his place. The meal progressed happily, and Bella was quite full. As she pushed her plate away from her and wished she wasn't wearing jeans, as they seemed to have got a lot tight, Alice jumped up.

"Before we serve dessert." Bella inwardly groaned at the thought of more food, but she smiled at the little pixie. "We are going to pull the crackers! Everyone link arms."

Bella picked up her cracker, and crossed her arms, grabbing the other end of Sarah Renee's cracker and offering the other end of her own to Edward. Everyone followed suit and Alice said "3, 2, 1, Go!" The crackers pulled, and each one has a small present, a hat and a joke in it. A few minutes were spent telling stupid jokes and everyone donning a hat. Bella looked around at the ridiculously beautiful vampires and laughed at how impossibly the silly paper crowns seemed to make them even more beautiful. Sarah Renee's was a little too big and she had to keep pulling it up over her eyes. She refused to take it off or even let Bella make it smaller for her so she was constantly pulling at it, which was very amusing to Jasper and Emmett.

Esme and Alice rose, Esme with a blue hat on her head and Alice with a purple one, and started to clear the dishes. Bella rose to help them but was told to sit down and stop being silly. She was a guest. She sank gratefully back into her chair, feeling drowsy from all the food and the busy day already. Sarah Renee's eyes were drooping already, but she suddenly perked up as Carlisle was summoned to the kitchen, bringing out with him a burning ball of Christmas pudding. Alice and Esme carried brandy butter and clotted cream, and Alice went back for ice cream.

"Wow!" Sarah Renee's eyes were glued to the fire, but Bella's were on the faces of her hosts. She'd never witnessed them all acting so...normal. So Human. Carlisle brought out the pudding as the head of the family, and once the flames had died he started to cut everyone pieces. Bella spooned on some brand butter and eat her piece slowly.

Gradually, as the dessert disappeared (even watching closely Bella couldn't work out how they were doing it) the meal came to an end. Alice got up first and ushered them all into the living room again. Sarah Renee lay her head on Edward's shoulder as he carried her, her eyes half shut and her hand on the locket that hung around her neck.

"Baby, do you want to go to bed? It's been a long day."

"No." Sarah Renee said stubbornly. "Not tired. Want stay up."

"Okay, baby." Bella laughed, knowing the child would be fast asleep in a matter of minutes regardless. Edward put her on the sofa closest to the fire again and Bella sat next to him. Sure enough, moments after she was lying down they could all hear her soft snores. Bella turned to her and giggled. Her hat was completely covering her face.

"Can we wait a few moments whilst we put the child to bed?" Edward asked Alice, who nodded good naturedly. Edward once again lifted the child, careful not to wake her, and Bella followed him up the stairs to Sarah Renee's room.

"Today was so wonderful." Bella told him when they were alone. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you had a good time but you need to thank Alice and Esme. They did all the hard work."

"I will." Bella promised. There was a moment of comfortable silence as Bella changed Sarah Renee and got her ready for bed. The sleepy girl hardly stirred as she was tucked up in bed. Edward leaned over her crib and brushed his fingers over her hair.

"Sleep well, child." He said, then after a moment's thought added, "daughter," in a satisfied tone. He straightened, his eyes burning, and turned to Bella, who bit her lip. "Are you ready to go back downstairs?"

"In a moment." Bella held her finger up, and then beckoned him into her bedroom. After a moment's hesitation, he stalked after her cautiously. "Something is bothering me...about what you said earlier."

Edward nodded and waited for her to continue, his face cautious and unhappy.

"You said that I didn't need to worry about Jasper – or anyone – getting too overexcited about Sarah Renee's blood. I thought you had something else to say." She trailed off and watched him carefully.

"Can we leave that for today? The day is going so well."

"I'd really like to know."

"Okay, I'll tell you," Edward seemed to relent uncharacteristically quickly. "If you tell me why you acted the way you did when I told you I wanted to adopt Sarah Renee."

Bella paled and stepped backward, shaking her head.

"I thought we'd got passed this whole 'mortal enemy' rubbish." Edward stepped closer to her.

"It's not about that." Bella shook her head and bit her lip. There were a few moments of agonised silence. Where they stared each other down. Then Edward's face softened and he walked towards her, taking her into his arms in a way she could hardly resist.

"Peace, love, we have all the time in the world to talk later." He told her.

"Speak for yourself." Bella mumbled into his shoulder but he chose to ignore her.

"Sarah is asleep, let's go downstairs and join everyone else, and have some fun." He leaned back and looked into her eyes. "They are waiting for us." He pressed his lips to hers and she pressed herself to him, the kissing chasing the clouds of doubt from her mind.

"Okay." She conceded reluctantly. "But you will tell me."

He said nothing, but led her out of the room and downstairs. Everyone was sitting around the room apart from Alice, who was standing, holding little pieces of paper.

"Right, now we are all here, I can reveal tonight's activity." She smiled gleefully. "We will be playing a traditional Christmas game: Charades."


End file.
